Top 300 Jim Gaffigan Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they’re – you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip – is that we are in the middle of this culture war.”

— Jim Gaffigan

152. “We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was “The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan.” And it was a bit terrifying.”

— Jim Gaffigan

153. “Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it’s what inspires you.”

— Jim Gaffigan

154. “I’d been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity to do stand-up on Letterman, which holds even more importance for me. With comedians, that’s definitely the pinnacle, but being from Indiana, it was a big to-do.”

— Jim Gaffigan

155. “There’s a certain balance between finding an opportunity to do what you really enjoy and getting caught up in the flattery of people wanting you to do things.”

— Jim Gaffigan

156. “You can never find the right bowling ball. This one’s too heavy. This one’s good but its pink!”

— Jim Gaffigan

157. “That’s my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.”

— Jim Gaffigan

158. “There is this false perception that comedians can never be serious. It’s like from like the era of court jesters.”

— Jim Gaffigan

159. “There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, “I know someone who looks like you” and I don’t know what say to them except, “Tell them hi.””

— Jim Gaffigan

160. “I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I’d always cringe a little bit, like, ‘I can’t get a date, I don’t know what you’re talking about.’”

— Jim Gaffigan

161. “Don’t you think it’s strange how many referees work at Footlocker?”

— Jim Gaffigan

162. “Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we’re always kind of like, what are they doing?”

— Jim Gaffigan

163. “Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it’s usually a sign of laziness.”

— Jim Gaffigan

164. “For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something’s catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny.”

— Jim Gaffigan

165. “It’s a balancing act of you feel horrible that you’re away but there is something about the road that is rather liberating.”

— Jim Gaffigan

166. “It’s good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I’m originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia: 4-H.”

— Jim Gaffigan

167. “Comics write to their point of view. If you’re an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you’ve got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.”

— Jim Gaffigan

168. “If you’ve never had the chance to visit a Waffle House, simply imagine a gas station bathroom that serves waffles.”

— Jim Gaffigan

169. “I never have free time, I don’t know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there’s two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you’re like “Forget it! I’m not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?””

— Jim Gaffigan

170. “I think when my mother died, it was such a – you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.”

— Jim Gaffigan

171. “The question is the primary form of communication for little kids.”

— Jim Gaffigan

172. “I’m a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It’s not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.”

— Jim Gaffigan

173. “My comedy is romanticized laziness.”

— Jim Gaffigan

174. “My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.”

— Jim Gaffigan

175. “As an actor, you deal with so much rejection and humiliation. When the good things come around, you tend not to trust your instincts.”

— Jim Gaffigan

176. “There’s something that’s really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.”

— Jim Gaffigan

177. “I worked on ‘USA Today’ as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.”

— Jim Gaffigan

178. “I’m an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I’m not gonna frighten off social conservatives.”

— Jim Gaffigan

179. “Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which is that I’m a dad who had no idea what he’s doing.”

— Jim Gaffigan

180. “I was able to make the jump to theaters without having a TV show. My passion for getting a TV show just plummeted. It was like I had already achieved what I wanted to achieve.”

— Jim Gaffigan

181. “I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.”

— Jim Gaffigan

182. “Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?”

— Jim Gaffigan

183. “I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I’m somebody who, because it’s a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I’m a lunatic.”

— Jim Gaffigan

184. “It’s like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer; there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That’s how my background influenced my comedy.”

— Jim Gaffigan

185. “I always had this romantic notion of living in New York. I just felt like, everyone could be different and weird and whatever they are in New York.”

— Jim Gaffigan

186. “I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.”

— Jim Gaffigan

187. “Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.”

— Jim Gaffigan

188. “My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, “Dad Is Fat.” And in the book, I was encouraged constantly by my editor to be more personal and talk about more personal experiences.”

— Jim Gaffigan

189. “My faith is very personal. It’s not something that I want to project on other people.”

— Jim Gaffigan

190. “I just want to be known as funny.”

— Jim Gaffigan

191. “I never went to church when I was in college, either.”

— Jim Gaffigan

192. “There’s something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.”

— Jim Gaffigan

193. “I didn’t choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane – it’s just who I am and it’s what kind of works for me.”

— Jim Gaffigan

194. “A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.”

— Jim Gaffigan

195. “I left the Midwest thinking I didn’t fit in. But when I got to New York, I realized how truly Midwestern I was.”

— Jim Gaffigan

196. “I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.”

— Jim Gaffigan

197. “Yeah, I am a character actor.”

— Jim Gaffigan

198. “Cancer is always funny.”

— Jim Gaffigan

199. “I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. “So that’s how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That’s how they trick you into it.””

— Jim Gaffigan

200. “If someone picks up one thing you’ve written, you want them to go, ‘Wow, this is pretty good.’”

— Jim Gaffigan