Top 300 John Scalzi Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “I am not responsible for actions of the imaginary version of me you have inside your head.”

— John Scalzi

2. “Do what you need to do and enjoy life as it happens.”

— John Scalzi

3. “There’s that old saying: Fast, cheap, and good, you get to pick two. The two you just picked are fast and good. Cheap has just left the building.”

— John Scalzi

4. “Here’s a quick rule of thumb: Don’t annoy science fiction writers. These are people who destroy entire planets before lunch. Think of what they’ll do to you.”

— John Scalzi

5. “Sooner or later the Narrative will come for each of us.”

— John Scalzi

6. “If your flirting strategy is indistinguishable from harassment, it’s not everyone else that’s the problem.”

— John Scalzi

7. “Just accept you’re drinking from the fire hose and open wide.”

— John Scalzi

8. “There’s a saying: “May you live in interesting times.” To begin, it’s a curse. “Interesting” in this case uniformly means “Oh god, death is raining down upon us and we shall all perish wailing and possibly on fire.”

— John Scalzi

9. “Fear is a scavenger who feeds on the future; on what may be and what is possible, extending down the line of our lives.”

— John Scalzi

10. “When you lose someone you love, you die too, and you wait around for your body to catch up.”

— John Scalzi

11. “I’ve been told my liminal space is like the dark of the grave. But I think of it as the dark from the other end of life entirely. The dark of everything ahead, not everything behind.”

— John Scalzi

12. “Confidence isn’t about knowing you’re right. Confidence is about knowing you can make it right.”

— John Scalzi

13. “I’m not insane, sir. I have a finely calibrated sense of acceptable risk.”

— John Scalzi

14. “The reality is more complicated, but as with most humans, the people on Earth prefer the simple answer.”

— John Scalzi

15. “There’s a difference between the fact that the universe is inherently unfair on a cosmic level, and the fact that life is unfair because people are actively making it so.”

— John Scalzi

16. “Dirk Moeller didn’t know if he could fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out.”

— John Scalzi

17. “I do think people of good will can have different opinions but still be coming not from a place of malice.”

— John Scalzi

18. “I thought I saw him once, but it turned out to be a yeti.”

— John Scalzi

19. “The more I want a book to be done, the faster I type because I just want to get it out.”

— John Scalzi

20. “The problem with aging is not that it’s one damn thing after another – it’s every damn thing, all at once, all the time.”

— John Scalzi

21. “Lies do not in themselves lead to poor outcomes, nor does truth in every circumstance lead to good ones. As with so many things, context matters.”

— John Scalzi

22. “Guns don’t kill people. The aliens behind the triggers do.”

— John Scalzi

23. “I’m continually confronted with the human tendency to ignore or deny facts until the last possible instant. And then for several days after that, too.” Attavio.”

— John Scalzi

24. “Fear sits and smiles and is predatory, immobile and silent and serene; an observer who conserves his energy and is content to wait.”

— John Scalzi

25. “I failed angst in high school. They let me graduate anyway.”

— John Scalzi

26. “There aren’t a lot of people who can carry off petty,” I said. “Yet somehow you do.”

— John Scalzi

27. “Virtue signaling’ is a phrase the dim and bigoted use when they want to discount other people expressing the idea that it would be nice if we could all be essentially and fundamentally decent to each other.”

— John Scalzi

28. “My marriage had its ups and downs like anyone’s, but when it came down to it, I knew it was solid. I miss that sort of security, and that sort of connection with someone.”

— John Scalzi

29. “I don’t care whether I really exist or don’t, whether I’m real or fictional. What I want right now is to be the person who decides my own fate.”

— John Scalzi

30. “You would rather face a life without me than to have me choose a life I would not choose for myself.”

— John Scalzi

31. “I can describe to you the taste of government cheese.”

— John Scalzi

32. “High-risk, high-reward situations where the path to success isn’t laid out but has to be cut by machetes through a jungle filled with poison toads.”

— John Scalzi

33. “Pleasure doing business with you, Chad,” Holloway said, setting down the infopanel. “Please die in a fire, Jack,” Bourne said.”

— John Scalzi

34. “I did two things on my seventy-fifth birthday. I visited my wife’s grave. Then I joined the army.”

— John Scalzi

35. “Do not mourn me, friends I fall as a shooting star Into the next life.”

— John Scalzi

36. “Being poor is people wondering why you didn’t leave.”

— John Scalzi

37. “It’s easier to miss her at a cemetery, where she’s never been anything but dead, than to miss her at all the places where she was alive.”

— John Scalzi

38. “As a reader, I have a very short attention span and a low tolerance for boredom, and I find that comes in handy with my writing. If I get bored writing something, I pity the people who will then try to read it.”

— John Scalzi

39. “You have doubted me. Doubt me no longer. You have come to destroy me. I am not destroyed. You have come to burn me. I am the consuming fire. You will feel what it is to burn.”

— John Scalzi

40. “Part of what makes us human is what we mean to other people, and what people mean to us. I miss meaning something to someone, having that part of being human.”

— John Scalzi

41. “But of course not meaning harm isn’t the same as not doing harm.”

— John Scalzi

42. “If the universe is bigger and stranger than I can imagine, it’s best to meet it with an empty bladder.”

— John Scalzi

43. “I grew up in southern California in the 80s. Yes, I am a walking cliche.”

— John Scalzi

44. “If someone is telling you to live in interesting times, they are basically telling you they want you to die horribly, and to suffer terribly before you do. Seriously, they are not your friend. This is a tip I am giving you for free.”

— John Scalzi

45. “What is it like when you lose someone you love?” Jane asked. “You die, too,” I said. “And you wait around for your body to catch up.” “Is that what you’re doing now?” Jane said. “Waiting for your body to catch up, I mean.” “No, not anymore,” I said. “You eventually get to live again. You just live a different life, is all.”

— John Scalzi

46. “Rich people show their appreciation through favors. When everyone you know has more money than they know what to do with, money stops being a useful transactional tool. So instead you offer favors. Deals. Quid pro quos. Things that involve personal involvement rather than money. Because when you’re that rich, your personal time is your limiting factor.”

— John Scalzi

47. “Now if you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I need to play Russian roulette with our planet’s future with the bullet you’ve so thoughtfully provided. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t see you out.”

— John Scalzi

48. “Ultimately the first, best step in getting your work noticed is to write good work. If people don’t engage in your writing, no amount of serialization or free downloads is going to matter. You have to write something worth reading, and often it takes time to get at that level.”

— John Scalzi

49. “You do what you have to do to give people closure; it makes them feel better and it doesn’t cost you much to do it. I’d rather apologize for something I didn’t really care about and leave someone on Earth wishing me well.”

— John Scalzi

50. “God is a hack,” he said. “He’s a writer on an awful science fiction television show, and He can’t plot His way out of a box. How do you have faith when you know that?”

— John Scalzi