Top 250 Steve Martin Quotes (2023 Update)
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151. “Comedians don’t get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can’t really speak about the Oscar-worthiness of my own performance.”

— Steve Martin

152. “I’m a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.”

— Steve Martin

153. “Whether I’m involved in creating something or not, it’s a personal issue of do I respect it. But you can only know that five or ten years later.”

— Steve Martin

154. “Comedy may be big business but it isn’t pretty.”

— Steve Martin

155. “I was very vulnerable to criticism for many years. I could read a bad review and remember it my whole life.”

— Steve Martin

156. “There’s a lot of thought in art. People get to talk about important things. There’s a lot of sex, you know, in art. There’s a lot of naked women and men, and there’s intrigue, there’s fakery. It’s a real microcosm of the larger world.”

— Steve Martin

157. “Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

— Steve Martin

158. “Comedy is not pretty.”

— Steve Martin

159. “So, while fitting in, she was like a wicked detail standing out against a placid background.”

— Steve Martin

160. “Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.”

— Steve Martin

161. “Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.”

— Steve Martin

162. “I choose a project based on whether it feels worthwhile working on when it comes to me. But secondly I choose it if it sounds like fun. Projects are determined by just how they strike me at the moment, as they have done throughout my whole life.”

— Steve Martin

163. “It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.”

— Steve Martin

164. “Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.”

— Steve Martin

165. “Working at the magic shop really gave me a sense of comedy because it was all jokes.”

— Steve Martin

166. “In talking to girls I could never remember the right sequence of things to say. I’d meet a girl and say, Hi, was it good for you too? If a girl spent the night, I’d wake up in the morning and then try to get her drunk.”

— Steve Martin

167. “I was not self-destructive, though I almost destroyed myself. In the end, I turned away from stand-up with a tired swivel of my head.”

— Steve Martin

168. “How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?”

— Steve Martin

169. “Hello. I’m hello, and I’d like to say myself.”

— Steve Martin

170. “I think when the movie ‘Roxanne’ came out, which I also had written, I felt something new that I never felt, which was respect.”

— Steve Martin

171. “A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond...”

— Steve Martin

172. “Being on Twitter is like having a fern.”

— Steve Martin

173. “I thought ‘Borat’ was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn’t some studio-produced script with 14 writers.”

— Steve Martin

174. “I always think back to my high school days and realize all the people who were so popular then are nowhere now and all the people who were steadfast and steady-going are somewhere. So high school doesn’t necessarily translate to later in life.”

— Steve Martin

175. “You cannot make your opportunities concur with the opportunities of people whose incomes are ten times greater than yours.”

— Steve Martin

176. “I feel good about being able to take bluegrass on to television like ‘Letterman’ and ‘The View,’ and I’ve heard nice things about being able to do that. I really haven’t felt any negativity toward me or my music.”

— Steve Martin

177. “Rebelliousness really is the province of young people-that kind of iconoclasm.”

— Steve Martin

178. “Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.”

— Steve Martin

179. “The banjo is truly an American instrument, and it captures something about our past.”

— Steve Martin

180. “Acting keeps me alert to people, and life. I don’t know, there’s something about going to work early in the morning, and having to stay alert and concentrated. Maybe that keeps your mind alive.”

— Steve Martin

181. “She didn’t even finish her last sentence; it just trailed off. I think the subject had changed in her head while her mouth had continued on the old topic, not realizing it was out of supplies.”

— Steve Martin

182. “Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you’re doing – artistically, for the most part – at that moment.”

— Steve Martin

183. “The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream.”

— Steve Martin

184. “Comedy makes you humble. Because there are so many opportunities to miss, and strike out.”

— Steve Martin

185. “I don’t think comic timing is the same as music timing, but I definitely find that I’ve learned from just writing in general that songs can be narrative without having a story.”

— Steve Martin

186. “I think there are people out there writing original bluegrass songs, but it’s hard to get them out on the air.”

— Steve Martin

187. “There’s no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.”

— Steve Martin

188. “Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.”

— Steve Martin

189. “I’m not Vegas. Places I play usually cost like $3 to get in, you know, and people are going: Gee, I’ve got $3, I think I’ll throw it away.”

— Steve Martin

190. “These days it’s hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.”

— Steve Martin

191. “I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.”

— Steve Martin

192. “A luxury item is a thing you have that annoys other people that you have it.”

— Steve Martin

193. “Mirabelle is not affected by a man’s failures to approach her, as her own self-depreciating attitude never allows the idea that he would in the first place.”

— Steve Martin

194. “It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.”

— Steve Martin

195. “It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.”

— Steve Martin

196. “The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.”

— Steve Martin

197. “In a sense, this book is not an autobiography but a biography, because I am writing about someone I used to know. Yes, these events are true, yet sometimes they seemed to have happened to someone else, and I often felt like a curious onlooker or someone trying to remember a dream. I ignored my stand-up career for twenty-five years, but now, having finished this memoir, I view this time with surprising warmth. One can have, it turns out, an affection for the war years.”

— Steve Martin

198. “He gave her his phone number, in a peculiar reversal of dating procedure. She might have considered kissing him, even after the horrible first date, but he just didn’t seem to know what to do. However, Jeremy does have one outstanding quality. He likes her. And this quality in a person makes them infinitely interesting to the person who is being liked.”

— Steve Martin

199. “There’s a big difference between the National Book Awards and the Academy Awards. At the Academy Awards you can feel the greed and envy and ego. Whereas the National Book Awards are in New York.”

— Steve Martin

200. “What means the most to me changes through the years. There was a time when movies meant the most. But when I’m concentrating on a project, that’s what means the most to me.”

— Steve Martin