Top 250 Steve Martin Quotes (2023 Update)

1. “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Greatness Quotes

2. “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Persistence Quotes

3. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”

— Steve Martin

4. “It’s pain that changes our lives.”

— Steve Martin

5. “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Music Quotes

6. “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Humor Quotes

7. “Be undeniably good.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Greatness Quotes

8. “I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Firsts Quotes

9. “The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.”

— Steve Martin

10. “Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”

— Steve Martin

11. “The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.”

— Steve Martin

12. “Or is it that I think too much?”

— Steve Martin

13. “I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.”

— Steve Martin

14. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

— Steve Martin

15. “The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.”

— Steve Martin

16. “I’ve heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.”

— Steve Martin

17. “I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.”

— Steve Martin

18. “No art comes from the conscious mind.”

— Steve Martin

19. “How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Firsts Quotes

20. “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”

— Steve Martin

21. “I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”

— Steve Martin

22. “I don’t really manage my time. I really just wait until I’m inspired to do something. And when I’m inspired to do something, it just happens.”

— Steve Martin

23. “All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.”

— Steve Martin

24. “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Hilarious Quotes

25. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

— Steve Martin

26. “You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.”

— Steve Martin

27. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”

— Steve Martin

28. “It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.”

— Steve Martin

29. “Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.”

— Steve Martin

30. “I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”

— Steve Martin

31. “I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”

— Steve Martin

32. “There’s someone out there for everyone-even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.”

— Steve Martin

33. “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”

— Steve Martin

34. “Love is a promise delivered already broken.”

— Steve Martin

35. “I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.”

— Steve Martin

36. “As much as I remember, I just thought, I want to sing a song that starts normal and ends crazy.”

— Steve Martin

37. “You know when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!”

— Steve Martin

Featured in: Quotes About Stories

38. “I cannot smell mothballs because it’s so difficult to get their little legs apart.”

— Steve Martin

39. “Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.”

— Steve Martin

40. “Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.”

— Steve Martin

41. “I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word. The word they didn’t change was on page 87.”

— Steve Martin

42. “My problem is that I don’t get the same exhiliration from success as I get depression from failure.”

— Steve Martin

43. “How many people have never raised their hand before?”

— Steve Martin

44. “I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.”

— Steve Martin

45. “Teaching is a form of show business.”

— Steve Martin

46. “I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.”

— Steve Martin

47. “I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.”

— Steve Martin

48. “I’m not a human being. I’m despicable and disgusting – but that’s where the money is.”

— Steve Martin

49. “I have no fear, no fear at all. I wake up, and I have no fear. I go to bed without fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear. Yes, ‘fear’ is a word that is not in my vocabulary.”

— Steve Martin

50. “I’ve decided to take up smoking, my doctor said I wasn’t getting enough tar.”

— Steve Martin