“Be so good they can’t ignore you.”
— Steve Martin
“Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
“It’s pain that changes our lives.”
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
“Be undeniably good.”
“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
“I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.”
“The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.”
“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
“The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.”
“Or is it that I think too much?”
“I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.”
“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”
“The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.”
“I’ve heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.”
“I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.”
“No art comes from the conscious mind.”
“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”
“I don’t really manage my time. I really just wait until I’m inspired to do something. And when I’m inspired to do something, it just happens.”
“You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.”
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
“How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.”
“It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.”
“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.”
“Love is a promise delivered already broken.”
“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
“Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.”
“I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
“I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”
“As much as I remember, I just thought, I want to sing a song that starts normal and ends crazy.”
“There’s someone out there for everyone-even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.”
“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
“I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.”
“My problem is that I don’t get the same exhiliration from success as I get depression from failure.”
“I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.”
“I’m not a human being. I’m despicable and disgusting – but that’s where the money is.”
“Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.”
“I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.”
“I have no fear, no fear at all. I wake up, and I have no fear. I go to bed without fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear. Yes, ‘fear’ is a word that is not in my vocabulary.”
“How many people have never raised their hand before?”
“I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word. The word they didn’t change was on page 87.”
“Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.”
“Ah, yes. I remember my first beer.”
“If you’re studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.”
“I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.”
“If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.”
“I cannot smell mothballs because it’s so difficult to get their little legs apart.”
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