“Be so good they can’t ignore you.”
— Steve Martin
“Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
“It’s pain that changes our lives.”
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
“Be undeniably good.”
“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
“I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.”
“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
“The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.”
“Or is it that I think too much?”
“The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.”
“I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.”
“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”
“The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.”
“I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.”
“I’ve heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.”
“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
“No art comes from the conscious mind.”
“I don’t really manage my time. I really just wait until I’m inspired to do something. And when I’m inspired to do something, it just happens.”
“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
“You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.”
“How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.”
“It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.”
“Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.”
“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.”
“As much as I remember, I just thought, I want to sing a song that starts normal and ends crazy.”
“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
“I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.”
“I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
“I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.”
“There’s someone out there for everyone-even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.”
“Love is a promise delivered already broken.”
“I’m not a human being. I’m despicable and disgusting – but that’s where the money is.”
“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
“Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.”
“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
“I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.”
“I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”
“My problem is that I don’t get the same exhiliration from success as I get depression from failure.”
“I have no fear, no fear at all. I wake up, and I have no fear. I go to bed without fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear. Yes, ‘fear’ is a word that is not in my vocabulary.”
“Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.”
“Ah, yes. I remember my first beer.”
“If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.”
“So, I can hurt now, or hurt later.”
“Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.”
“She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn’t, because he didn’t care.”
“Nothing I do is done by popular demand.”
“How many people have never raised their hand before?”
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