Top 180 Andy Rooney Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Death is a distant rumor to the young.”

— Andy Rooney

102. “We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We’re living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.”

— Andy Rooney

103. “We aren’t consistent in our treatment of animals.”

— Andy Rooney

104. “Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.”

— Andy Rooney

105. “I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.”

— Andy Rooney

106. “We’ve sent a man to the moon and that’s 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody’s ever done it.”

— Andy Rooney

107. “Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.”

— Andy Rooney

108. “I like animals who trust people.”

— Andy Rooney

109. “No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.”

— Andy Rooney

110. “There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.”

— Andy Rooney

111. “Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn’t hurt all the time.”

— Andy Rooney

112. “In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don’t want to know something, you go and ask him and he won’t tell you.”

— Andy Rooney

113. “Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.”

— Andy Rooney

114. “The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.”

— Andy Rooney

115. “Let’s face it, though, anything that’s apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn’t covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I’ll buy a new one. That’s the American way.”

— Andy Rooney

116. “We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that’s what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.”

— Andy Rooney

117. “Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.”

— Andy Rooney

118. “The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.”

— Andy Rooney

119. “By the time they’re ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable.”

— Andy Rooney

120. “In spite of some bad experiences, I’m a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.”

— Andy Rooney

121. “It’s ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game – except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that’s important.”

— Andy Rooney

122. “Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.”

— Andy Rooney

123. “The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn’t necessarily the one who can teach it best.”

— Andy Rooney

124. “There’s nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we’re flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.”

— Andy Rooney

125. “Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.”

— Andy Rooney

126. “Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.”

— Andy Rooney

127. “I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.”

— Andy Rooney

128. “One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.”

— Andy Rooney

129. “I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.”

— Andy Rooney

130. “Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.”

— Andy Rooney

131. “I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you – the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what’s wrong and try to make it better. That’s what a patriotic American does.”

— Andy Rooney

132. “Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?”

— Andy Rooney

133. “I don’t differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.”

— Andy Rooney

134. “Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.”

— Andy Rooney

135. “Unfortunately, propaganda works.”

— Andy Rooney

136. “If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.”

— Andy Rooney

137. “If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”

— Andy Rooney

138. “I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.”

— Andy Rooney

139. “Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It’s sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn’t hurt.”

— Andy Rooney

140. “I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who think they like our country more than I do. Some people’s idea of patriotism is hating other countries.”

— Andy Rooney

141. “I’ve done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I’ve complained about, I can’t complain about my life.”

— Andy Rooney

142. “I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.”

— Andy Rooney

143. “When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, “Things aren’t as good as they used to be.” But it’s hard not to.”

— Andy Rooney

144. “The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.”

— Andy Rooney

145. “I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.”

— Andy Rooney

146. “I’m already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You’d have to have some ego to believe that about yourself.”

— Andy Rooney

147. “Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.”

— Andy Rooney

148. “I just wish insignificance had more stature.”

— Andy Rooney

149. “Soap, like people, shouldn’t smell like anything.”

— Andy Rooney

150. “Nothing in fine print is ever good news.”

— Andy Rooney