Top 180 Andy Rooney Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “No matter what any of the grammar teachers say, punctuation is an arbitrary matter. It should be used to make sentences clear.”

— Andy Rooney

152. “Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.”

— Andy Rooney

153. “Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.”

— Andy Rooney

154. “Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We’re annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift.”

— Andy Rooney

155. “I just wish insignificance had more stature.”

— Andy Rooney

156. “Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be...”

— Andy Rooney

157. “A cat’s idea of a ‘good time’ is to kill something.”

— Andy Rooney

158. “We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.”

— Andy Rooney

159. “Finding the tool is often half the battle.”

— Andy Rooney

160. “Believing is such a comfort that it’s hard to give up a belief just because it isn’t true.”

— Andy Rooney

161. “I like ice hockey, but it’s a frustrating game to watch. It’s hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.”

— Andy Rooney

162. “One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.”

— Andy Rooney

163. “I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.”

— Andy Rooney

164. “Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.”

— Andy Rooney

165. “It’s not so much that I write well, I just don’t write badly very often and that passes for good on television.”

— Andy Rooney

166. “My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.”

— Andy Rooney

167. “There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.”

— Andy Rooney

168. “It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.”

— Andy Rooney

169. “My most serious character flaw is that I don’t deny myself much.”

— Andy Rooney

170. “I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn’t realize they thought. And they say, ‘Hey, yeah!’ And they like that.”

— Andy Rooney

171. “I know a lot of you believe that most people in the news business are liberal. Let me tell you, I know a lot of them, and they were almost evenly divided this time. Half of them liked Senator Kerry; the other half hated President Bush.”

— Andy Rooney

172. “Everyone hates war, everyone says.”

— Andy Rooney

173. “The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it’s probably a good thing. We don’t need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.”

— Andy Rooney

174. “As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.”

— Andy Rooney

175. “Every one starts out being an atheist.”

— Andy Rooney

176. “I don’t pick subjects as much as they pick me.”

— Andy Rooney

177. “The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.”

— Andy Rooney

178. “Let’s make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We’ll pick a week next year and we’ll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.”

— Andy Rooney

179. “Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.”

— Andy Rooney

180. “When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.”

— Andy Rooney

181. “It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.”

— Andy Rooney

182. “Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is entitled to their opinion. If you don’t know the facts, your opinion doesn’t count.”

— Andy Rooney