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Top 400 Janet Evanovich Quotes (2026 Update)
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Janet Evanovich Quote: “I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I almost fell over backward.”

151. “I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I almost fell over backward.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “She’d wanted to grow up to be a superhero, and in a left-turn kind of way she felt like she was on track.”

152. “She’d wanted to grow up to be a superhero, and in a left-turn kind of way she felt like she was on track.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “He’s the Wizard because he’s magic. He mysteriously passes through locked doors. He seems to read minds. He’s able to refuse dessert. And he can give me a hot flash with the touch of a fingertip.”

153. “He’s the Wizard because he’s magic. He mysteriously passes through locked doors. He seems to read minds. He’s able to refuse dessert. And he can give me a hot flash with the touch of a fingertip.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.”

154. “I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Holy cow!” I said. “You can’t go to the door like that!” “My gun’s in the kitchen.” “Yes, but your underwear’s on the floor in my bedroom!” And that wasn’t the biggest problem.”

155. “Holy cow!” I said. “You can’t go to the door like that!” “My gun’s in the kitchen.” “Yes, but your underwear’s on the floor in my bedroom!” And that wasn’t the biggest problem.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. – Stephanie Plum.”

156. “I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. – Stephanie Plum.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Since I write in first person and have no idea what goes on in men’s heads.”

157. “Since I write in first person and have no idea what goes on in men’s heads.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I figured I’d embellish the truth a little, since the police might not be up on the finer points of bounty hunterism and might not understand about commandeering.”

158. “I figured I’d embellish the truth a little, since the police might not be up on the finer points of bounty hunterism and might not understand about commandeering.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table.”

159. “I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “With the exception of dessert, food is food.”

160. “With the exception of dessert, food is food.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Ranger was not husband material. He was a heart-stopping handsome Latino, dark-skinned and dark-eyed. He was strong inside and out, an enigma who kept his life scars pretty much hidden.”

161. “Ranger was not husband material. He was a heart-stopping handsome Latino, dark-skinned and dark-eyed. He was strong inside and out, an enigma who kept his life scars pretty much hidden.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Now it’s my turn,” Riley said. “What’s your first name? Where’d you grow up? Who’s your favorite Batman?”

162. “Now it’s my turn,” Riley said. “What’s your first name? Where’d you grow up? Who’s your favorite Batman?”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Stroll around and look sexy, ask annoying questions, in general get on everyone’s nerves. All those things that come naturally to you.”

163. “Stroll around and look sexy, ask annoying questions, in general get on everyone’s nerves. All those things that come naturally to you.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “We got into the Explorer, and I couldn’t sit with the gun rammed into my pants. “I can’t do this,” I said to Ranger. “This dumb gun is too big. It’s poking me.” Ranger closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wheel. “I can’t believe I hired you.”

164. “We got into the Explorer, and I couldn’t sit with the gun rammed into my pants. “I can’t do this,” I said to Ranger. “This dumb gun is too big. It’s poking me.” Ranger closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wheel. “I can’t believe I hired you.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I’m so busy writing and editing two books a year that I don’t have time for painting anymore.”

165. “I’m so busy writing and editing two books a year that I don’t have time for painting anymore.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Somewhere along the line, I realized that I liked telling stories, and I decided that I would try writing. Ten years later, I finally got a book published. It was hard. I had no skills. I knew nothing about the business of getting published. So I had to keep working at it.”

166. “Somewhere along the line, I realized that I liked telling stories, and I decided that I would try writing. Ten years later, I finally got a book published. It was hard. I had no skills. I knew nothing about the business of getting published. So I had to keep working at it.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “A woman’s never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.”

167. “A woman’s never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing.”

168. “Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.”

169. “Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Two windows,” she said with a smile. “And there’s no such word as besweatered.” “It’s like bespectacled, only with a sweater.”

170. “Two windows,” she said with a smile. “And there’s no such word as besweatered.” “It’s like bespectacled, only with a sweater.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I think money isn’t any good sitting around, so I spend some time in the shoe department at Saks.”

171. “I think money isn’t any good sitting around, so I spend some time in the shoe department at Saks.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I take in a lot of stuff from real life, movies, television, news and it all gets mixed in my head and somehow turns into a story idea.”

172. “I take in a lot of stuff from real life, movies, television, news and it all gets mixed in my head and somehow turns into a story idea.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “My mother drove back to the intersection. “Who are you dating?” “Don’t ask,” I said. I wasn’t dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.”

173. “My mother drove back to the intersection. “Who are you dating?” “Don’t ask,” I said. I wasn’t dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I’d spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.”

174. “I’d spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.”

— Janet Evanovich

Featured in: Romance Quotes

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I cut my eyes to the alley. Ranger was still there, doubled over the steering wheel, shaking with laughter.”

175. “I cut my eyes to the alley. Ranger was still there, doubled over the steering wheel, shaking with laughter.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Hell, bravery didn’t have anything to do with it. I was shitfaced.”

176. “Hell, bravery didn’t have anything to do with it. I was shitfaced.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.”

177. “My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I really wouldn’t classify the books as mysteries. I prefer to say that they’re adventures.”

178. “I really wouldn’t classify the books as mysteries. I prefer to say that they’re adventures.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I knew there were no such things as death cooties. Unfortunately, that’s an intellectual fact. And death cooties are an emotional reality.”

179. “I knew there were no such things as death cooties. Unfortunately, that’s an intellectual fact. And death cooties are an emotional reality.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.”

180. “I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I’d kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.”

181. “I’d kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Did you pack an extra gun?” “Of course,” she said. “You can never have too many weapons.” Jake smiled. “I raised you right.”

182. “Did you pack an extra gun?” “Of course,” she said. “You can never have too many weapons.” Jake smiled. “I raised you right.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Good thing he’s dead,” Lula said, “or that would have hurt like the devil.”

183. “Good thing he’s dead,” Lula said, “or that would have hurt like the devil.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “You’re a magnet for mess. I’ve never seen anything like it. Lula to Stephanie.”

184. “You’re a magnet for mess. I’ve never seen anything like it. Lula to Stephanie.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Your life isn’t out of control. It’s expanded.”

185. “Your life isn’t out of control. It’s expanded.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “The law is for people who have nothing to hide.”

186. “The law is for people who have nothing to hide.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “My eyes never got lower than your nipples. If it wasn’t for the fact that Morelli would shoot me I would have taken you on his front lawn.”

187. “My eyes never got lower than your nipples. If it wasn’t for the fact that Morelli would shoot me I would have taken you on his front lawn.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.”

188. “And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “The note wasn’t signed, but I could tell it was from Morelli by the way my nipples got hard.”

189. “The note wasn’t signed, but I could tell it was from Morelli by the way my nipples got hard.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “If Mickey Mouse could fly, he’d be Donald Duck.”

190. “If Mickey Mouse could fly, he’d be Donald Duck.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.”

191. “If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.”

192. “Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “It says here she held up a Frito-Lay truck?” “Apparently she was on that no-carbohydrate diet, got her period and snapped when she saw the truck parked in front of a convenience store. Just got whacked out at the thought of all those chips. She threatened the driver with a nail file, filled her car with bags of Fritos, and took off, leaving the driver standing there in front of his empty truck.”

193. “It says here she held up a Frito-Lay truck?” “Apparently she was on that no-carbohydrate diet, got her period and snapped when she saw the truck parked in front of a convenience store. Just got whacked out at the thought of all those chips. She threatened the driver with a nail file, filled her car with bags of Fritos, and took off, leaving the driver standing there in front of his empty truck.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I swear, you’re a crazy person. You go around up to your eyeballs in snakes and dead people and exploding beavers. It’s just not normal. Even when I was a ’ho, my life wasn’t that freaky.”

194. “I swear, you’re a crazy person. You go around up to your eyeballs in snakes and dead people and exploding beavers. It’s just not normal. Even when I was a ’ho, my life wasn’t that freaky.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “What I lack in expertise I make up for with desperation and tenacity, because I only get paid when I catch someone.”

195. “What I lack in expertise I make up for with desperation and tenacity, because I only get paid when I catch someone.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “You hung up on me,” he said. “Don’t ever hang up on me.” His voice was quiet, but as always the authority was unmistakable. He was wearing black dress slacks, a long-sleeved lightweight black sweater pushed up on his forearms, and expensive black loafers. His hair was cut very short. I was used to seeing him in SWAT dress with long hair, and I hadn’t immediately recognized him. I guess that was the point.”

196. “You hung up on me,” he said. “Don’t ever hang up on me.” His voice was quiet, but as always the authority was unmistakable. He was wearing black dress slacks, a long-sleeved lightweight black sweater pushed up on his forearms, and expensive black loafers. His hair was cut very short. I was used to seeing him in SWAT dress with long hair, and I hadn’t immediately recognized him. I guess that was the point.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they’re going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much.”

197. “I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they’re going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Okay, I know he was captain of the football team and he could bake a cake – that didn’t mean I was ready to suck his finger. I was picky about what I put in my mouth. “I’ll wait,” I told him. “Wouldn’t want to spoil my appetite.”

198. “Okay, I know he was captain of the football team and he could bake a cake – that didn’t mean I was ready to suck his finger. I was picky about what I put in my mouth. “I’ll wait,” I told him. “Wouldn’t want to spoil my appetite.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I don’t know much about cars,” Joyce said, “but I think someone took my engine.”

199. “I don’t know much about cars,” Joyce said, “but I think someone took my engine.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?”

200. “Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?”

— Janet Evanovich

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