Top 380 Janet Evanovich Quotes (2025 Update)
Page 4 of 8

151. “Two windows,” she said with a smile. “And there’s no such word as besweatered.” “It’s like bespectacled, only with a sweater.”

— Janet Evanovich

152. “Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing.”

— Janet Evanovich

153. “Ranger was not husband material. He was a heart-stopping handsome Latino, dark-skinned and dark-eyed. He was strong inside and out, an enigma who kept his life scars pretty much hidden.”

— Janet Evanovich

154. “Holy cow!” I said. “You can’t go to the door like that!” “My gun’s in the kitchen.” “Yes, but your underwear’s on the floor in my bedroom!” And that wasn’t the biggest problem.”

— Janet Evanovich

155. “I’d hate to list our specialties. Wreck cars, eat doughnuts, create mayhem.”

— Janet Evanovich

156. “I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.”

— Janet Evanovich

157. “I think money isn’t any good sitting around, so I spend some time in the shoe department at Saks.”

— Janet Evanovich

158. “It says here she held up a Frito-Lay truck?” “Apparently she was on that no-carbohydrate diet, got her period and snapped when she saw the truck parked in front of a convenience store. Just got whacked out at the thought of all those chips. She threatened the driver with a nail file, filled her car with bags of Fritos, and took off, leaving the driver standing there in front of his empty truck.”

— Janet Evanovich

159. “I’m so busy writing and editing two books a year that I don’t have time for painting anymore.”

— Janet Evanovich

160. “I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.”

— Janet Evanovich

161. “Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?”

— Janet Evanovich

162. “Now it’s my turn,” Riley said. “What’s your first name? Where’d you grow up? Who’s your favorite Batman?”

— Janet Evanovich

163. “I cut my eyes to the alley. Ranger was still there, doubled over the steering wheel, shaking with laughter.”

— Janet Evanovich

164. “If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.”

— Janet Evanovich

165. “I figured I’d embellish the truth a little, since the police might not be up on the finer points of bounty hunterism and might not understand about commandeering.”

— Janet Evanovich

166. “I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table.”

— Janet Evanovich

167. “I’d spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.”

— Janet Evanovich

168. “The law is for people who have nothing to hide.”

— Janet Evanovich

169. “My eyes never got lower than your nipples. If it wasn’t for the fact that Morelli would shoot me I would have taken you on his front lawn.”

— Janet Evanovich

170. “As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don’t care if he’s Jack the Ripper.”

— Janet Evanovich

171. “Lula fired off a shot that went wide, and Poletti charged Briggs. Grandma swung her purse just as Poletti swept past her. The big black patent leather bag caught Poletti on the side of the head, and Poletti staggered and crashed to the ground. Ranger cuffed him, and the three cops took over.”

— Janet Evanovich

172. “Good thing he’s dead,” Lula said, “or that would have hurt like the devil.”

— Janet Evanovich

173. “I’d kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.”

— Janet Evanovich

174. “Morelli opened a kitchen drawer, removed a gun, and stepped to the cellar door. “Wait,” I said, “maybe we should call the police.” “Cupcake, I am the police.”

— Janet Evanovich

175. “I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.”

— Janet Evanovich

176. “I really wouldn’t classify the books as mysteries. I prefer to say that they’re adventures.”

— Janet Evanovich

177. “I knew there were no such things as death cooties. Unfortunately, that’s an intellectual fact. And death cooties are an emotional reality.”

— Janet Evanovich

178. “My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.”

— Janet Evanovich

179. “Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.”

— Janet Evanovich

180. “Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. “It’s not funny,” I said. “Babe, I haven’t got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment.”

— Janet Evanovich

181. “Probably went to get a pretzel.”

— Janet Evanovich

182. “Cracker Jacks don’t count as junk food because they’re corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.”

— Janet Evanovich

183. “My big move was to get out of my underpants without snagging my foot and falling on my face.”

— Janet Evanovich

184. “And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.”

— Janet Evanovich

185. “Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We’re simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We’re like that catfish with lungs.”

— Janet Evanovich

186. “Ranger pulled onto the shoulder and reprogrammed the GPS system. “Lucky for you, you look good in a T-shirt,” Ranger said. “Lucky for you I don’t have a gun on me.” Ranger turned to me. His voice was low and even, but there was a whisper of incredulous disbelief. “You’re not carrying a gun?” “Didn’t seem necessary for us both to have one.”

— Janet Evanovich

187. “You’re a magnet for mess. I’ve never seen anything like it. Lula to Stephanie.”

— Janet Evanovich

188. “A woman’s never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.”

— Janet Evanovich

189. “He’s the Wizard because he’s magic. He mysteriously passes through locked doors. He seems to read minds. He’s able to refuse dessert. And he can give me a hot flash with the touch of a fingertip.”

— Janet Evanovich

190. “There’s no such thing as semi-legal.”

— Janet Evanovich

191. “Was a fast easy reading, Good to take your mind off of anything serious for a while.”

— Janet Evanovich

192. “When people ask what you do, tell them you’re a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.”

— Janet Evanovich

193. “I like being able to provide consistent and frequent literary choices for my fans.”

— Janet Evanovich

194. “Finding out” with Ranger is a whole different deal than finding out with Lula. Lula and I are Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz. Ranger is Batman.”

— Janet Evanovich

195. “Finally, a sport I could enjoy.”

— Janet Evanovich

196. “We’re not secretive about the office buildings, but we try to keep a low profile.” “We?” “I have partners.” “Let me guess – the Justice League. The Flash, Wonder Woman, and Superman.” Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling.”

— Janet Evanovich

197. “I don’t know much about cars,” Joyce said, “but I think someone took my engine.”

— Janet Evanovich

198. “I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they’re going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much.”

— Janet Evanovich

199. “Okay, I know he was captain of the football team and he could bake a cake – that didn’t mean I was ready to suck his finger. I was picky about what I put in my mouth. “I’ll wait,” I told him. “Wouldn’t want to spoil my appetite.”

— Janet Evanovich

200. “Hell, bravery didn’t have anything to do with it. I was shitfaced.”

— Janet Evanovich