Top 380 Janet Evanovich Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “Turns out, that’s how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.”

— Janet Evanovich

202. “Ranger unlocked my door, pulled me to him, and kissed me. The kiss started out gentle and finished with enough heat to raise the temperature in the hallway by ten degrees.”

— Janet Evanovich

203. “Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.”

— Janet Evanovich

204. “I’d do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don’t have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don’t care about. -Lula.”

— Janet Evanovich

205. “Diesel was smiling at Grandma. “You blew through almost two hundred thousand and you were playing dollar slots? That’s impressive.” “Especially since some of that time I was winning,” Grandma said. “Twelve dollars?” “Yep. I was on a roll.”

— Janet Evanovich

206. “Riley reminded herself that she was a professional, and stabbing Emerson with her nail file wouldn’t be appropriate.”

— Janet Evanovich

207. “Your grandmother needs a ride to the viewing, and I’m holding you responsible if she shoots someone, gets arrested, or tries to take a selfie with the deceased.”

— Janet Evanovich

208. “The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don’t really know what it’s about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it’s good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.”

— Janet Evanovich

209. “THE NOTE said the first clue was “in the big one.” I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn’t do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds.”

— Janet Evanovich

210. “The ‘Barnaby’ books were always intended to be graphic novels.”

— Janet Evanovich

211. “How was your day?” Morelli asked me. “Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.”

— Janet Evanovich

212. “Everyone knew fear. It was the reaction that made the difference. Some people hated fear and avoided the experience. Some people endured it as a necessity. And some people became addicted to the rush.”

— Janet Evanovich

213. “I swear, you’re a crazy person. You go around up to your eyeballs in snakes and dead people and exploding beavers. It’s just not normal. Even when I was a ’ho, my life wasn’t that freaky.”

— Janet Evanovich

214. “Count me in.” Jake put his things back in the rucksack, slung it over his shoulder, and stood up. “The kids can finish up this project.” “You’ve taught them how to make land mines?” “I wouldn’t be much of a grandfather if I didn’t.”

— Janet Evanovich

215. “What I lack in expertise I make up for with desperation and tenacity, because I only get paid when I catch someone.”

— Janet Evanovich

216. “By about the sixth romance I knew I wasn’t in exactly the right place. I liked writing action. And I wanted to write a book with a little more edge than I was allowed in romance.”

— Janet Evanovich

217. “Was a fast easy reading, Good to take your mind off of anything serious for a while.”

— Janet Evanovich

218. “When people ask what you do, tell them you’re a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.”

— Janet Evanovich

219. “I like being able to provide consistent and frequent literary choices for my fans.”

— Janet Evanovich

220. “I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.”

— Janet Evanovich

221. “Finding out” with Ranger is a whole different deal than finding out with Lula. Lula and I are Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz. Ranger is Batman.”

— Janet Evanovich

222. “Finally, a sport I could enjoy.”

— Janet Evanovich

223. “We’re not secretive about the office buildings, but we try to keep a low profile.” “We?” “I have partners.” “Let me guess – the Justice League. The Flash, Wonder Woman, and Superman.” Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling.”

— Janet Evanovich

224. “I don’t know much about cars,” Joyce said, “but I think someone took my engine.”

— Janet Evanovich

225. “Okay, I know he was captain of the football team and he could bake a cake – that didn’t mean I was ready to suck his finger. I was picky about what I put in my mouth. “I’ll wait,” I told him. “Wouldn’t want to spoil my appetite.”

— Janet Evanovich

226. “Hell, bravery didn’t have anything to do with it. I was shitfaced.”

— Janet Evanovich

227. “I exchanged my flannel shirt for a Rangers jersey and zapped the television on. Probably I should make more phone calls, but the Rangers were playing and priorities were priorities.”

— Janet Evanovich

228. “You’re such a cupcake.”

— Janet Evanovich

229. “I rolled my eyes so far into the back of my head I saw myself thinking.”

— Janet Evanovich

230. “I don’t have a car. How am I going to get around?” “Taxi. Skateboard. Drone pickup. Figure it out!”

— Janet Evanovich

231. “Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don’t have a complete copy.”

— Janet Evanovich

232. “Your life isn’t out of control. It’s expanded.”

— Janet Evanovich

233. “He grabbed me by my jacket lapels, pulled me to him, and kissed me. His tongue touched mine and I got a rush that was just a millimeter below climax. His hands slid inside my jacket and circled my waist. He was hard against me. And suddenly nothing mattered but a Ranger-induced orgasm. I wanted one. Now. The hell with Eddie DeChooch. One of these days he’d drive himself into a bridge abutment and that’d be the end of that.”

— Janet Evanovich

234. “Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn’t fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me.”

— Janet Evanovich

235. “I was standing with my back to the door, and I saw Connie’s eyes go wide. “Be still my heart,” Lula said, looking past me, through the window to the sidewalk. I figured they were looking at either Johnny Depp or Ranger. My money was on Ranger.”

— Janet Evanovich

236. “It was one of those impulse things.”

— Janet Evanovich

237. “I don’t think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean.”

— Janet Evanovich

238. “Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. “How does he always get food stuck to him?” I asked Morelli. “I don’t know,” Morelli said. “It’s a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I’m not sure.” -Morelli And Stephanie.”

— Janet Evanovich

239. “Life is a series of natural changes. Resisting change only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

— Janet Evanovich

240. “Ranger slipped an arm around me, leaned close, and kissed me. The kiss was a further indicator that he liked the dress. In fact, the kiss suggested that while he liked the dress a lot, he wouldn’t mind getting me out of the dress as soon as possible.”

— Janet Evanovich

241. “Be still my heart.”

— Janet Evanovich

242. “Lots of times I’m not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward.”

— Janet Evanovich

243. “That’s one of the things I like about Mary Lou. She’s willing to believe the worst about anyone.”

— Janet Evanovich

244. “Hey,” Lula said to Ranger’s man.“You want to watch it? I just had my hair done. I don’t need plaster in it. Next time just shoot a hole is this punk-ass loser, will you?”

— Janet Evanovich

245. “I wasn’t sure exactly how prostitutes determined price, but if men bought hookers by the pound, these two would be doing okay.”

— Janet Evanovich

246. “You were worried about me?” “No,” Hal said. “I was worried Ranger would kill me if I lost you.”

— Janet Evanovich

247. “I’ll have Ella order some Rangeman shirts for you. If you decide to go back to Vinnie you can keep the shirts.” Ranger almost smiled. “I like the idea of you wearing my name on your breast.”

— Janet Evanovich

248. “Howie’s doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie’s been on a diet he’s gained three.”

— Janet Evanovich

249. “With the exception of dessert, food is food.”

— Janet Evanovich

250. “I’ve never been in this part of Trenton before. I don’t feel comfortable driving around buildings that haven’t got gang slogans sprayed on them. Look at this place. No boarded-up windows. No garbage in the gutter. No brothers selling goods on the street. Don’t know how people can live like this.”

— Janet Evanovich