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Top 400 Janet Evanovich Quotes (2026 Update)
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Janet Evanovich Quote: “I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.”

201. “I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Life is a series of natural changes. Resisting change only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

202. “Life is a series of natural changes. Resisting change only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. “How does he always get food stuck to him?” I asked Morelli. “I don’t know,” Morelli said. “It’s a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I’m not sure.” -Morelli And Stephanie.”

203. “Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. “How does he always get food stuck to him?” I asked Morelli. “I don’t know,” Morelli said. “It’s a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I’m not sure.” -Morelli And Stephanie.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “There’s no such thing as semi-legal.”

204. “There’s no such thing as semi-legal.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Honey, a man can’t keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn’t done.”

205. “Honey, a man can’t keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn’t done.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “THE NOTE said the first clue was “in the big one.” I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn’t do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds.”

206. “THE NOTE said the first clue was “in the big one.” I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn’t do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We’re simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We’re like that catfish with lungs.”

207. “Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We’re simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We’re like that catfish with lungs.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Ranger pulled onto the shoulder and reprogrammed the GPS system. “Lucky for you, you look good in a T-shirt,” Ranger said. “Lucky for you I don’t have a gun on me.” Ranger turned to me. His voice was low and even, but there was a whisper of incredulous disbelief. “You’re not carrying a gun?” “Didn’t seem necessary for us both to have one.”

208. “Ranger pulled onto the shoulder and reprogrammed the GPS system. “Lucky for you, you look good in a T-shirt,” Ranger said. “Lucky for you I don’t have a gun on me.” Ranger turned to me. His voice was low and even, but there was a whisper of incredulous disbelief. “You’re not carrying a gun?” “Didn’t seem necessary for us both to have one.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “My big move was to get out of my underpants without snagging my foot and falling on my face.”

209. “My big move was to get out of my underpants without snagging my foot and falling on my face.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. “It’s not funny,” I said. “Babe, I haven’t got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment.”

210. “Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. “It’s not funny,” I said. “Babe, I haven’t got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Morelli opened a kitchen drawer, removed a gun, and stepped to the cellar door. “Wait,” I said, “maybe we should call the police.” “Cupcake, I am the police.”

211. “Morelli opened a kitchen drawer, removed a gun, and stepped to the cellar door. “Wait,” I said, “maybe we should call the police.” “Cupcake, I am the police.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “That’s why I’m not on social media. People are way too open about their private lives. I don’t need to see pictures of what somebody had for lunch or hear about how difficult their last bowel movement was or see on a map where they were when either one happened.”

212. “That’s why I’m not on social media. People are way too open about their private lives. I don’t need to see pictures of what somebody had for lunch or hear about how difficult their last bowel movement was or see on a map where they were when either one happened.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Lula fired off a shot that went wide, and Poletti charged Briggs. Grandma swung her purse just as Poletti swept past her. The big black patent leather bag caught Poletti on the side of the head, and Poletti staggered and crashed to the ground. Ranger cuffed him, and the three cops took over.”

213. “Lula fired off a shot that went wide, and Poletti charged Briggs. Grandma swung her purse just as Poletti swept past her. The big black patent leather bag caught Poletti on the side of the head, and Poletti staggered and crashed to the ground. Ranger cuffed him, and the three cops took over.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Count me in.” Jake put his things back in the rucksack, slung it over his shoulder, and stood up. “The kids can finish up this project.” “You’ve taught them how to make land mines?” “I wouldn’t be much of a grandfather if I didn’t.”

214. “Count me in.” Jake put his things back in the rucksack, slung it over his shoulder, and stood up. “The kids can finish up this project.” “You’ve taught them how to make land mines?” “I wouldn’t be much of a grandfather if I didn’t.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “It’s a long story,” I said. “The short version is Diesel and I are pretending to get married, so we can get Kloughn to marry Valerie.” “Does Morelli know about this?” “It’s pretend.” “I’m not even gonna ask if Ranger knows. Poor ol’ Diesel here be dead if Ranger knew.”

215. “It’s a long story,” I said. “The short version is Diesel and I are pretending to get married, so we can get Kloughn to marry Valerie.” “Does Morelli know about this?” “It’s pretend.” “I’m not even gonna ask if Ranger knows. Poor ol’ Diesel here be dead if Ranger knew.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Ranger unlocked my door, pulled me to him, and kissed me. The kiss started out gentle and finished with enough heat to raise the temperature in the hallway by ten degrees.”

216. “Ranger unlocked my door, pulled me to him, and kissed me. The kiss started out gentle and finished with enough heat to raise the temperature in the hallway by ten degrees.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I like being able to provide consistent and frequent literary choices for my fans.”

217. “I like being able to provide consistent and frequent literary choices for my fans.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.”

218. “I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “By about the sixth romance I knew I wasn’t in exactly the right place. I liked writing action. And I wanted to write a book with a little more edge than I was allowed in romance.”

219. “By about the sixth romance I knew I wasn’t in exactly the right place. I liked writing action. And I wanted to write a book with a little more edge than I was allowed in romance.”

— Janet Evanovich

Featured in: Romance Quotes

Janet Evanovich Quote: “If I gave you a pity position it wouldn’t be in my office.”

220. “If I gave you a pity position it wouldn’t be in my office.”

— Janet Evanovich

Featured in: Romance Quotes

Janet Evanovich Quote: “The ‘Barnaby’ books were always intended to be graphic novels.”

221. “The ‘Barnaby’ books were always intended to be graphic novels.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I can’t help it. I’m just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbeque gas.” She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long far. “Excuse me,” she said.”

222. “I can’t help it. I’m just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbeque gas.” She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long far. “Excuse me,” she said.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I’d do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don’t have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don’t care about. -Lula.”

223. “I’d do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don’t have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don’t care about. -Lula.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Diesel was smiling at Grandma. “You blew through almost two hundred thousand and you were playing dollar slots? That’s impressive.” “Especially since some of that time I was winning,” Grandma said. “Twelve dollars?” “Yep. I was on a roll.”

224. “Diesel was smiling at Grandma. “You blew through almost two hundred thousand and you were playing dollar slots? That’s impressive.” “Especially since some of that time I was winning,” Grandma said. “Twelve dollars?” “Yep. I was on a roll.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Your grandmother needs a ride to the viewing, and I’m holding you responsible if she shoots someone, gets arrested, or tries to take a selfie with the deceased.”

225. “Your grandmother needs a ride to the viewing, and I’m holding you responsible if she shoots someone, gets arrested, or tries to take a selfie with the deceased.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Finally, a sport I could enjoy.”

226. “Finally, a sport I could enjoy.”

— Janet Evanovich

227. “We’re not secretive about the office buildings, but we try to keep a low profile.” “We?” “I have partners.” “Let me guess – the Justice League. The Flash, Wonder Woman, and Superman.” Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “My father was in the kitchen putting a new washer in the kitchen faucet. He looked relieved to see Morelli standing in the hallway. He’d probably prefer I bring home someone useful, like a butcher or a car mechanic, but I guess cops are a step up from undertakers.”

228. “My father was in the kitchen putting a new washer in the kitchen faucet. He looked relieved to see Morelli standing in the hallway. He’d probably prefer I bring home someone useful, like a butcher or a car mechanic, but I guess cops are a step up from undertakers.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I might be a stay-at-home mother someday, but I’ll always be trying to fly off the garage roof. That’s just who I am.”

229. “I might be a stay-at-home mother someday, but I’ll always be trying to fly off the garage roof. That’s just who I am.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Hey,” I said, “dogs are people, too.”

230. “Hey,” I said, “dogs are people, too.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Everyone knew fear. It was the reaction that made the difference. Some people hated fear and avoided the experience. Some people endured it as a necessity. And some people became addicted to the rush.”

231. “Everyone knew fear. It was the reaction that made the difference. Some people hated fear and avoided the experience. Some people endured it as a necessity. And some people became addicted to the rush.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “How was your day?” Morelli asked me. “Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.”

232. “How was your day?” Morelli asked me. “Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I took all of my rejection letters – there must have been thousands of them in a huge box – and I went out on the curb and burned them all, crying.”

233. “I took all of my rejection letters – there must have been thousands of them in a huge box – and I went out on the curb and burned them all, crying.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “May misfortune follow us the rest of our lives, but never catch up.”

234. “May misfortune follow us the rest of our lives, but never catch up.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I rolled my eyes so far into the back of my head I saw myself thinking.”

235. “I rolled my eyes so far into the back of my head I saw myself thinking.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I don’t have a car. How am I going to get around?” “Taxi. Skateboard. Drone pickup. Figure it out!”

236. “I don’t have a car. How am I going to get around?” “Taxi. Skateboard. Drone pickup. Figure it out!”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Notice he called us losers and not quitters. That’s on account of we never quit. In my mind, that’s the difference between being a loser and a winner. A winner is willing to look like a idiot for as long as it takes to get the job done.”

237. “Notice he called us losers and not quitters. That’s on account of we never quit. In my mind, that’s the difference between being a loser and a winner. A winner is willing to look like a idiot for as long as it takes to get the job done.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Turns out, that’s how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.”

238. “Turns out, that’s how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “When people ask what you do, tell them you’re a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.”

239. “When people ask what you do, tell them you’re a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Was a fast easy reading, Good to take your mind off of anything serious for a while.”

240. “Was a fast easy reading, Good to take your mind off of anything serious for a while.”

— Janet Evanovich

Featured in: Reading Quotes

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Sometimes when a plan is right, everything else, all the things you can’t control, falls into place just the way it should.”

241. “Sometimes when a plan is right, everything else, all the things you can’t control, falls into place just the way it should.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I like my nuts,” Mooner said. “I don’t want them cut off. I’d be, like, nutless then.”

242. “I like my nuts,” Mooner said. “I don’t want them cut off. I’d be, like, nutless then.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I’m for sure a workaholic. I’m a complete control freak and I take on way too many projects.”

243. “I’m for sure a workaholic. I’m a complete control freak and I take on way too many projects.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don’t really know what it’s about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it’s good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.”

244. “The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don’t really know what it’s about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it’s good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Excuse me?” I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. “Coffee? I thought we came here for pie.” “I don’t eat the kind of pie they serve here.” I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.”

245. “Excuse me?” I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. “Coffee? I thought we came here for pie.” “I don’t eat the kind of pie they serve here.” I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.”

— Janet Evanovich

Featured in: Romance Quotes

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Concentrate on doing the job, not the fear.”

246. “Concentrate on doing the job, not the fear.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Riley reminded herself that she was a professional, and stabbing Emerson with her nail file wouldn’t be appropriate.”

247. “Riley reminded herself that she was a professional, and stabbing Emerson with her nail file wouldn’t be appropriate.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Finding out” with Ranger is a whole different deal than finding out with Lula. Lula and I are Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz. Ranger is Batman.”

248. “Finding out” with Ranger is a whole different deal than finding out with Lula. Lula and I are Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz. Ranger is Batman.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “Lots of times I’m not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward.”

249. “Lots of times I’m not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward.”

— Janet Evanovich

Janet Evanovich Quote: “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she’s got a pimple.”

250. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she’s got a pimple.”

— Janet Evanovich

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