Top 380 Janet Evanovich Quotes (2024 Update)
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351. “I’m a glass-is-half-full person now, and your sorry ass is still in half-empty country.”

— Janet Evanovich

352. “Pretty,” he said. “The wine?” “You.” I was wearing a white T-shirt and striped pajama bottoms with a drawstring waist. My feet were bare and my hair was down and disorderly. “This would be perfect if we were in my apartment and not yours, and you were spending the night,” he said.”

— Janet Evanovich

353. “Here’s the thing,” Riley said. “I’m not really into diabolical possibilities. I’m more into logical explanations.”

— Janet Evanovich

354. “I’m a book junkie. When I retire from wrestling I’m going to open a mystery bookstore.” “Can you make a living selling mysteries?” “No. Nobody makes a living selling mysteries. The stores are all fronts for numbers operations.”

— Janet Evanovich

355. “A winner is willing to look like a idiot for as long as it takes to get the job done.”

— Janet Evanovich

356. “What did you do?” “Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire.” “That would be funny, but I’m worried it’s all true.” “It’s been a long couple days.” “Did he really fart fire?” Morelli asked.”

— Janet Evanovich

357. “Of course when you have a Bob dog everything is dog food.”

— Janet Evanovich

358. “Hey, look who’s here!” Briggs said. “It’s Aunt Stephanie.” He was dressed in the tan suit, and it looked like he’d gotten a haircut. “What’s with the suit?” I asked him. “I have a job interview, so Nick let me keep it a while longer. What happened with the Russian guy?” “The problem is solved.” “I bet.”

— Janet Evanovich

359. “You’re afraid if you catch this guy, you’ll lose the excitement in your life and the goal-oriented sense of purpose that drives you.”

— Janet Evanovich

360. “How’s it going?” Morelli wanted to know. “It’s average. Stole a truck. Blew up a house. Brought seven monkeys home with me. And now I have a naked man in my shower.” “Yeah, same ol’, same ol’,” Morelli said.”

— Janet Evanovich

361. “How can you completely appreciate the Jersey shore if the air is safe to breathe in the interior parts of the state?”

— Janet Evanovich

362. “This is part of the problem with the world today,” Diesel said. “People don’t believe in the mystical.”

— Janet Evanovich

363. “I don’t exactly date, but I sort of have a boyfriend.” “What does sort of mean?” “It means that he looks like my boyfriend, but I don’t say it out loud.”

— Janet Evanovich

364. “The downside is my picture’s been all over the media and now my movement is limited. So I could use some help.” “Why don’t you just go blond?” “I’ve been blond. When I go blond I look like I should be singing with the Village People.”

— Janet Evanovich

365. “It’s the twenty-first century,” I told Tank. “Women drive.” “Only in my bed,” Tank said. “Never in my car.” I didn’t have a reply to that, but I thought it sounded like an okay philosophy. So I beeped the Escape locked, got into Tank’s SUV, and we chugged off for my place.”

— Janet Evanovich

366. “A flock of cardinals in scarlet frocks with tall white miters on their heads came trailing behind him.”

— Janet Evanovich

367. “But in my experience, the virtuous are usually the first to die.”

— Janet Evanovich

368. “The doorbell rang and Grandma ran to get it. “It’s him,” she said to me. “It’s my honey.” My father got out of his chair in the living room and took his seat at the table. “I don’t care if he craps in a bag,” he said to Ranger. “I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you can scare him into marrying her and moving her into his room at the old people’s home.”

— Janet Evanovich

369. “A wise man, recognizing that the world is an illusion, does not act as if it is real, and so he escapes suffering.” The.”

— Janet Evanovich

370. “Oscar Wilde said it’s never the question that’s indiscreet, only the answers.”

— Janet Evanovich

371. “About this psychopath,” Morelli said. “I went to New York with Ranger following a lead on the polonium thing. I had a run-in with this crazy guy named Vlatko who planned the poisoning, and he sort of slashed me.” “Where was Ranger when all this was happening?” “He was snooping around in the Russian consulate.”

— Janet Evanovich

372. “This is a bad idea,” Lula said to me. “My nipples are all shrunk up and trying to hide inside my body. It’s like what men’s gonads do when someone comes at them with a butcher knife. Those suckers abandon ship and there’s nothing left but an empty nut sack. Not that I know firsthand. I’m just sayin’ what I hear.”

— Janet Evanovich

373. “That sounds like something sick,” Lula said. “What kind of a person would participate in a cornhole competition? I personally wouldn’t be involved in anything to do with cornholes.”

— Janet Evanovich

374. “If this was the shortcut, she didn’t want to see the longcut.”

— Janet Evanovich

375. “I’d find you,” Ranger said. He took my hand, kissed the palm, and got out of the car.”

— Janet Evanovich

376. “Ranger transferred the messenger bag from his shoulder to mine, pulled me into him, and kissed me like he meant it.”

— Janet Evanovich

377. “Dude,” Diesel said. “That’s no way to get dessert.” Carl snapped to attention. “Eep?” “Cookies,” I told him. Carl jumped onto his booster seat, sat ramrod straight, and folded his hands on the table. He was a good monkey. I gave him a cookie, and he shoved it into his mouth. “Manners,” Diesel said to him. Carl spit the cookie out onto the table, picked it up, and carefully nibbled at it.”

— Janet Evanovich

378. “I didn’t do anything with him. He wanted a date for tonight.” “Holy crap,” Lula said. “And?” Connie said. “And I had a restless night thinking about it,” I told them. “I bet,” Lula said. “If it was me I would have been burning out the motor on my intimate appliances.”

— Janet Evanovich

379. “This was the second time in less than forty-eight hours that a man stopped fondling me because his phone rang. And both times it was because someone had been killed. If I wasn’t a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy person I might be bothered by this.”

— Janet Evanovich

380. “Whatever the other team does best, that’s what you have to do better.”

— Janet Evanovich

381. “You’re like the sky at midnight, when the moon is shining, and the wind is blowing.”

— Janet Evanovich

382. “Shakespeare. “To do a great right, do a little wrong.”

— Janet Evanovich

383. “He’d abandoned his usual outfit of black rap clothes or GI Joe cammies. He was wearing a brown leather jacket, a cream-colored Henley, faded jeans, and work boots. His hair, which had always been slicked back in a ponytail, was cut short. He had a two-day beard, making his teeth seem whiter and his Latino complexion seem darker.”

— Janet Evanovich

384. “This here’s the twenty-first century. Just ’cause we’re women don’t mean we can’t be sick as men.”

— Janet Evanovich

385. “I spent as much time on the rifle range as I spend with my knife in the peanut butter jar, I’d be a crack shot.”

— Janet Evanovich

386. “This is the advantage to being an eccentric. Everyone expects you to be eccentric.” Emerson.”

— Janet Evanovich

387. “Zook peeked into the living room. “This house has high speed Internet, right?” “Sure, we got cable,” Grandma said. “We’re not in the Stone Age here. I blog and everything.”

— Janet Evanovich

388. “We didn’t do this sort of emotional display. We did temper and sarcasm. Anything beyond temper and sarcasm was virgin territory.”

— Janet Evanovich

389. “Ranger was probably riding the wind, looking for the guy. And any well-adjusted person would walk away and let Ranger do his thing. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that well adjusted.”

— Janet Evanovich

390. “Ranger isn’t my boyfriend. Ranger and I have a professional relationship.” “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t play hide the salami once in a while.”

— Janet Evanovich

391. “Everyone’s childhood is strange. It prepares you for the strangeness of adulthood.” Riley.”

— Janet Evanovich

392. “Ranger took his SEALs hat off and put it on me, tucking my hair behind my ears, letting his hands linger a moment too long. “You have to believe in what you’re doing.” That could be a problem. And Ranger could be a problem. I was feeling much too attracted to him.”

— Janet Evanovich

393. “Babe, you’ve destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy’s nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.”

— Janet Evanovich

394. “You should snap me up,” Morelli said. “Not many men would marry you after meeting your grandmother. You’re lucky to have me.”

— Janet Evanovich

395. “Ranger’s lips swept along my jawline to my ear. “I could make you forget the gown.”

— Janet Evanovich

396. “Cute,” Ranger repeated. “That just dropped my testosterone level.”

— Janet Evanovich

397. “What was the deal with me today? It was as if my mouth wasn’t connected to my brain.”

— Janet Evanovich

398. “I sent Hal and Rafael to keep an eye on you, and I went to check on a commercial account in Whitehorse. Rafael called to tell me Lula went in with a rocket launcher, so I skipped Whitehorse. I pulled into the lot seconds before you destroyed Billings Foods.”

— Janet Evanovich