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Lily Tomlin Quotes

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Lily Tomlin Quote: “The road to success is always under construction.”

The road to success is always under construction.

— Lily Tomlin



Lily Tomlin Quote: “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.”

I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.”

The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “For fast-acting relief try slowing down.”

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.”

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.”

Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “The best mind-altering drug is the truth.”

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

— Lily Tomlin



Lily Tomlin Quote: “Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.”

Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket – The road to success is always under construction.”

Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket – The road to success is always under construction.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.”

What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.”

When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.”

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.”

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.”

If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.

— Lily Tomlin



Lily Tomlin Quote: “When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.””

When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?”

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.”

If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.”

No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.”

Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.”

Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “After all, in private, we’re all misfits.”

After all, in private, we’re all misfits.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “We are all in this together, by ourselves.”

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.”

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.”

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.”

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone.”

In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.”

There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”

Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Infinity is just time on an ego trip.”

Infinity is just time on an ego trip.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?”

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.”

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.”

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.”

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.”

Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.”

What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.”

What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.”

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!”

When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.”

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?”

Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.”

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

— Lily Tomlin


Lily Tomlin Quote: “Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

— Lily Tomlin

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