“The road to success is always under construction.”
— Lily Tomlin
“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”
“I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.”
“The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.”
“For fast-acting relief try slowing down.”
“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
“I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.”
“Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.”
“Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.”
“The best mind-altering drug is the truth.”
“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”
“What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.”
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
“Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket – The road to success is always under construction.”
“When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.”
“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
“If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.”
“Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.”
“If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.”
“When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.””
“Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?”
“If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.”
“No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.”
“Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.”
“Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.”
“After all, in private, we’re all misfits.”
“We are all in this together, by ourselves.”
“I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.”
“Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.”
“We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.”
“In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone.”
“There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.”
“Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”
“If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?”
“Infinity is just time on an ego trip.”
“I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.”
“Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.”
“I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.”
“Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”
“Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.”
“What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.”
“What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.”
“You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.”
“Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”
“When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!”
“Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.”
“Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?”
“Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.”
“Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
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