Lily Tomlin Quotes

1. “The road to success is always under construction.”

— Lily Tomlin

Featured in: Success Quotes, Funny Quotes

2. “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

— Lily Tomlin

Featured in: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

3. “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”

— Lily Tomlin

4. “I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.”

— Lily Tomlin

5. “The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.”

— Lily Tomlin

6. “For fast-acting relief try slowing down.”

— Lily Tomlin

Featured in: Life Quotes, Stress Quotes, Breakup Quotes

7. “When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”

— Lily Tomlin

8. “I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.”

— Lily Tomlin

9. “Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.”

— Lily Tomlin

10. “The best mind-altering drug is the truth.”

— Lily Tomlin

11. “Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself.”

— Lily Tomlin

12. “What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.”

— Lily Tomlin

13. “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”

— Lily Tomlin

Featured in: Witty Quotes

14. “Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket – The road to success is always under construction.”

— Lily Tomlin

15. “If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.”

— Lily Tomlin

16. “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”

— Lily Tomlin

17. “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

— Lily Tomlin

18. “If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.”

— Lily Tomlin

19. “When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.”

— Lily Tomlin

20. “Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.”

— Lily Tomlin

21. “If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.”

— Lily Tomlin

Featured in: Sarcastic Quotes

22. “No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.”

— Lily Tomlin

23. “Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?”

— Lily Tomlin

24. “We are all in this together, by ourselves.”

— Lily Tomlin

25. “Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.”

— Lily Tomlin

26. “When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.””

— Lily Tomlin

27. “Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.”

— Lily Tomlin

28. “We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.”

— Lily Tomlin

29. “Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.”

— Lily Tomlin

30. “Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”

— Lily Tomlin

31. “I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.”

— Lily Tomlin

32. “After all, in private, we’re all misfits.”

— Lily Tomlin

33. “I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.”

— Lily Tomlin

34. “We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.”

— Lily Tomlin

35. “Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

— Lily Tomlin

36. “In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone.”

— Lily Tomlin

37. “Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?”

— Lily Tomlin

38. “There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.”

— Lily Tomlin

39. “Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”

— Lily Tomlin

40. “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.”

— Lily Tomlin

41. “Infinity is just time on an ego trip.”

— Lily Tomlin

42. “If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?”

— Lily Tomlin

43. “Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”

— Lily Tomlin

Featured in: Country Quotes

44. “Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.”

— Lily Tomlin

45. “Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.”

— Lily Tomlin

46. “What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.”

— Lily Tomlin

47. “What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.”

— Lily Tomlin

48. “You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.”

— Lily Tomlin

49. “Remember we’re all in this alone.”

— Lily Tomlin

50. “You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.”

— Lily Tomlin