Top 40 Funny Yearbook Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Quotes About Writing, Sarcastic Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

2. “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Clever Quotes, Witty Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Monday Quotes

3. “Life is too short to learn German.”

— Richard Porson

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes

4. “If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Silly Quotes, Imagination Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes

5. “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

— Sir Mix-a-Lot

Also featured in: Music Quotes, Funny Quotes, Silly Quotes, Sexy Quotes

6. “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Clever Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

7. “I have an ego the size of a small planet.”

— Linus Torvalds

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Ego Quotes

8. “Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”

— Terry Pratchett

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Fiction Quotes, Real Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

9. “Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks.”

— Ricky Gervais

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Different Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Monday Quotes

10. “For fast-acting relief try slowing down.”

— Lily Tomlin

Also featured in: Life Quotes, Funny Quotes, Stress Quotes

11. “If it were legal, I'd marry food. ”

— Niall Horan

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Cute Quotes, Funny Birthday Quotes, Funny Love Quotes

12. “Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Creative Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

13. “A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.”

— Terry Pratchett

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Creative Quotes, Couple Quotes

14. “This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

15. “My coach said I ran like a girl, I said if he could run a little faster he could too.”

— Mia Hamm

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Inspirational Quotes for Women, Athlete Quotes, Competition Quotes

16. “When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Emotion Quotes, Different Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

17. “There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

18. “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Funny Monday Quotes

19. “There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Friday Quotes

20. “I think I’m like wine. The older I get, the better I get.”

— Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes

21. “My hobby is my job. It’s a jobby!”

— Graham Coxon

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes

22. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

23. “You can’t fix stupid.”

— Ron White

Also featured in: Common Sense Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Office Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

24. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Book Quotes, Reading Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

25. “Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.”

— Howard Nemerov

Also featured in: Quotes About Writing, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes

26. “Free your mind and your ass will follow.”

— George Clinton

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

27. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”

— Arthur C. Clarke

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Funny Thursday Quotes, Funny Tuesday Quotes

28. “Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.”

— Anonymous

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Monday Quotes, Sexy Quotes

29. “I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.”

— George Bernard Shaw

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Office Quotes, Funny Monday Quotes

30. “People ask me if I could fly, I said, ‘yes... for a little while.’”

— Michael Jordan

Also featured in: Basketball Quotes, Short Funny Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

31. “I have Many Problems in My Life. But my leaps don’t know that. They always smile.”

— Charlie Chaplin

Also featured in: Humor Quotes, Smile Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

32. “I’m growing older, but not up.”

— Jimmy Buffett

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes

33. “I’m smart enough to know that I’m dumb.”

— Richard P. Feynman

Also featured in: Funny Quotes About Life

34. “Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.”

— Aziz Ansari

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Thursday Quotes, Funny Tuesday Quotes

35. “If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.”

— Isaac Asimov

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Office Quotes

36. “Learn to laugh at your problems, cause everybody else does.”

— Jared Leto

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Monday Quotes, Funny Tuesday Quotes

37. “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Monday Quotes, Funny Tuesday Quotes

38. “Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.”

— Mel Brooks

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes

39. “I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.”

— Emo Philips

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Short Funny Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Monday Quotes

40. “A father is someone who is proud to see you get your first car, but secretly wishes it had no keys.”

— Linda Poindexter

Also featured in: Humor Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes, Parenting Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

41. “I’d rather pick flowers instead of fights.”

— Owl City

Also featured in: Be Kind Quotes, Happy Sunday Quotes, Harmony Quotes, Happy Friday Quotes

42. “My philosophy is: If you can’t have fun, there’s no sense in doing it.”

— Paul Walker

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Happy Friday Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Friday Morning Quotes

43. “When the world gets in my face, I say, ‘Have a nice day.’”

— Jon Bon Jovi

Also featured in: Have a Great Day Quotes

44. “Don’t ask me, I don’t know.”

— Ozzy Osbourne

Also featured in: Crazy Quotes, Demotivational Quotes, Short Funny Quotes