Top 40 Funny Yearbook Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Quotes About Writing, Sarcastic Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

2. “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Clever Quotes, Witty Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Monday Quotes

3. “Life is too short to learn German.”

— Richard Porson

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes

4. “If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Silly Quotes, Imagination Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes

5. “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

— Sir Mix-a-Lot

Also featured in: Music Quotes, Funny Quotes, Silly Quotes, Sexy Quotes

6. “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Clever Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

7. “I have an ego the size of a small planet.”

— Linus Torvalds

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Ego Quotes

8. “Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”

— Terry Pratchett

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Fiction Quotes, Real Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

9. “Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks.”

— Ricky Gervais

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Different Quotes, Funny Work Quotes, Monday Quotes

10. “For fast-acting relief try slowing down.”

— Lily Tomlin

Also featured in: Life Quotes, Funny Quotes, Stress Quotes

11. “If it were legal, I'd marry food. ”

— Niall Horan

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Cute Quotes, Funny Birthday Quotes

12. “Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Creative Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

13. “A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.”

— Terry Pratchett

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Creative Quotes, Couple Quotes

14. “This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

15. “My coach said I ran like a girl, I said if he could run a little faster he could too.”

— Mia Hamm

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Athlete Quotes, Inspirational Quotes for Women, Competition Quotes

16. “When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Emotion Quotes, Different Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

17. “There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.”

— Mark Twain

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

18. “Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

19. “There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Friday Quotes

20. “I think I’m like wine. The older I get, the better I get.”

— Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes

21. “My hobby is my job. It’s a jobby!”

— Graham Coxon

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes

22. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

23. “You can’t fix stupid.”

— Ron White

Also featured in: Common Sense Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

24. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Book Quotes, Reading Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

25. “Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.”

— Howard Nemerov

Also featured in: Quotes About Writing, Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes

26. “Free your mind and your ass will follow.”

— George Clinton

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

27. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”

— Arthur C. Clarke

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Funny Work Quotes

28. “Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.”

— Anonymous

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Sexy Quotes, Quotes About Water

29. “I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.”

— George Bernard Shaw

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Vanity Quotes

30. “People ask me if I could fly, I said, ‘yes... for a little while.’”

— Michael Jordan

Also featured in: Basketball Quotes, Short Funny Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

31. “I have Many Problems in My Life. But my leaps don’t know that. They always smile.”

— Charlie Chaplin

Also featured in: Humor Quotes, Smile Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

32. “I’m growing older, but not up.”

— Jimmy Buffett

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

33. “I’m smart enough to know that I’m dumb.”

— Richard P. Feynman

Also featured in: Funny Quotes About Life

34. “Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.”

— Aziz Ansari

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes

35. “If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.”

— Isaac Asimov

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Motivational Quotes

36. “Learn to laugh at your problems, cause everybody else does.”

— Jared Leto

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Quotes About Laughing

37. “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes

38. “Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.”

— Mel Brooks

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes

39. “I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.”

— Emo Philips

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

40. “A father is someone who is proud to see you get your first car, but secretly wishes it had no keys.”

— Linda Poindexter

Also featured in: Humor Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes, Parenting Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes

41. “I’d rather pick flowers instead of fights.”

— Owl City

Also featured in: Be Kind Quotes, Harmony Quotes, Happy Friday Quotes

42. “My philosophy is: If you can’t have fun, there’s no sense in doing it.”

— Paul Walker

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Happy Friday Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

43. “When the world gets in my face, I say, ‘Have a nice day.’”

— Jon Bon Jovi

44. “Don’t ask me, I don’t know.”

— Ozzy Osbourne

Also featured in: Crazy Quotes, Short Funny Quotes