Top 160 Nick Offerman Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “The ultimate disguise is nothing. Nudity.”

— Nick Offerman

52. “Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis.”

— Nick Offerman

53. “My wife happens to be probably the greatest working woman in comedy. I can’t think of anyone who even approaches her achievements and her abilities.”

— Nick Offerman

54. “No matter how you decide to spend a little more time on your gestures of giving, the point is just quite simply that you do.”

— Nick Offerman

55. “I’m opposed to a lot of the time that we as a civilization have come to spend looking at screens. For my money, life is much delicious damn near everyplace but inside that screen.”

— Nick Offerman

56. “I grew up among farmers in Illinois and so you always have to have the tools you might need in the eventuality of a flat tire or a broken window.”

— Nick Offerman

57. “When it comes to marijuana, I think it’s ridiculous to live in a country that espouses freedom, liberty and equality, yet won’t follow through on a philosophy that says: “If it’s not hurting anybody or their property, you can do any goddamn thing you want.””

— Nick Offerman

58. “I have a very healthy growth of both head and facial hair. People always want to attribute further superhuman powers to me. It’s funny the way the audience really seems to want me, Nick the actor, to exhibit the same machismo as Ron Swanson.”

— Nick Offerman

59. “I feel it’s important to point out that I’ve earned my humility by being a jackass – like, I trip and fall on my face and say, “Oh, right. Don’t think you’re a big shot, because you’ve got a bloody nose now.” So it’s hard to say.”

— Nick Offerman

60. “When I was in fourth grade, we were learning vocabulary words, and the word nonconformist came up. The teacher said, “It’s somebody who whatever everybody is doing, they do the opposite.” I remember raising my hand and saying, “Mrs. Christiansen, I would like to be a nonconformist.””

— Nick Offerman

61. “Meat is a big deal in my life. I do love breakfast food, but I don’t think that’s extraordinary. I’m a normal American. We love eggs and meat and potatoes and gravy.”

— Nick Offerman

62. “It’s hard to swallow when people say, “Oh my God, you’re a master of something.” I say, “No, I’m actually a student of that. I could turn you on to websites for 25 masters, and you’ll quickly see that I am their disciple.””

— Nick Offerman

63. “I have a corn creamer that I love. It extracts pulp and juice from kernels, and I simmer that down into a creamed corn that has an almost mashed potato-like consistency. I add butter and hit it with chopped fresh chives at the end for an accent of color.”

— Nick Offerman

64. “I have a Kenwood charcoal grill. In our house, if anybody is cooking, it’s me. I love making burgers. I love making pork tenderloin. Lamb chops I do on the grill a lot. But you just can’t beat brats.”

— Nick Offerman

65. “Whatever it is you like to do, that’s the sexiest part of you.”

— Nick Offerman

66. “I don’t know what it is on an elemental level, but a beard in general evokes hedonism. It’s a more lush personal grooming style. It’s more comfortable and cozy; it’s less sharp and angular and businesslike. I feel like a beard is more Hobbit-like, even though Hobbits themselves are clean-shaven.”

— Nick Offerman

67. “We realized that the world of popular culture had been creating the perfect candidate for many years: the female champion of the universe.”

— Nick Offerman

68. “I keep having these bros come up to me and say, “I used to watch you when I was a fetus,” and I just want to kill them.”

— Nick Offerman

69. “When I first met with agents, they said, “Okay, you’re going to play plumbers and mechanics and bus drivers and farmers. Go.””

— Nick Offerman

70. “Before people figured out I was funny, I got cast quite a bit as either a rapist or serial killer or the guy who catches those people.”

— Nick Offerman

71. “When I arrive in Los Angeles in the entertainment community, and I use implements like a shovel and a hammer, our society has distanced itself so far from working with its hands that those incredibly pedestrian skills are perceived as somehow being extraordinary.”

— Nick Offerman

72. “I learned as a young man that I don’t write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.”

— Nick Offerman

73. “I’m always pleased that I managed to stay out of jail throughout my tenure in Chicago.”

— Nick Offerman

74. “Whenever I have a stubborn position on something, I take a deep breath and swallow myself.”

— Nick Offerman

75. “I’ve had to learn and discipline myself that I’m much happier and much less depressed if I give myself a project. It’s just that simple.”

— Nick Offerman

76. “I never went too long without a job. The problem was a lot of the early jobs are almost more demoralizing than unemployment.”

— Nick Offerman

77. “People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn’t sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they’re brilliant at writing jokes, and I’m not.”

— Nick Offerman

78. “It was on a van ride home from the movie set that everything came together. I realized I had to get off Twitter. It just struck me that I couldn’t stop everyone else from doing it, but I could certainly stop myself.”

— Nick Offerman

79. “I always had a lot of confidence in my work and the unique flavor I like to bring to my characters, but you know I’m not a huge dreamer.”

— Nick Offerman

80. “I come from the theater, where I got into acting because I love transforming. I love nothing more than to be unrecognizable.”

— Nick Offerman

81. “I’m quite excited to not play a Xena type character – it’s probably closer to me than any character I’ve ever played.”

— Nick Offerman

82. “I think that purity creates not only a higher level of artistic vision but a purer work ethic.”

— Nick Offerman

83. “I’ve learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn’t do anybody any good.”

— Nick Offerman

84. “I like to play women who are not strong at all, because, there’s certainly plenty of myself that is no kind of a warrior.”

— Nick Offerman

85. “I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn’t really strict with myself, I’d weigh 300 pounds. I’m not good with moderation.”

— Nick Offerman

86. “I won’t read a new graphic comic novel until the writer has completed the entire series. I got burned a few times when I got turned on to a book, plowed through it only to find out the author was in the middle of writing the next.”

— Nick Offerman

87. “I’ve split my life between a few different disciplines.”

— Nick Offerman

88. “Branding is quite an important thing. As an artist, you want to be able to explore facets of yourself.”

— Nick Offerman

89. “I always call myself a “student” of the guitar.”

— Nick Offerman

90. “People are afraid that they’re going to upset somebody on top, and so there’s a real sense of, I’ve got to be quiet, I don’t want to be fired.”

— Nick Offerman

91. “I really thought that I’d be doing Shakespeare, honest to God. I did not foresee the whole action television thing. That was God’s joke.”

— Nick Offerman

92. “When we think of an actor, we think of a tanned, frosted-tipped, model-looking guy. We don’t think of a plumber.”

— Nick Offerman

93. “I am always so happy to be at ‘SNL.’ I still feel like a kid when I’m there, like I can’t believe I’m watching them make the show.”

— Nick Offerman

94. “If I had to pick one form of acting, it would be live theater. That’s where I started; that’s where I became a man, I think I’m still finishing up that job.”

— Nick Offerman

95. “I learned the word non-conformist in fourth grade and immediately announced that I would grow up to become one.”

— Nick Offerman

96. “I spent a lot of my youth working outside in the elements, and I kind of revel in defeating tough weather.”

— Nick Offerman

97. “I think all these great comforts that come from the human condition of trying to make things easier on ourselves also have these pitfalls, where things become so easy that we forget how enjoyable building a fence can be.”

— Nick Offerman

98. “The key, I would say to any fledgling humorist starting out, is to make sure that sloppiness is part of your recipe. That way they come to expect fumbling and clumsiness and they say, “Oh, it must be a charming part of his personality.””

— Nick Offerman

99. “You know, even working actors can end up having a lot of spare time. And you can either go sit at the Starbucks and wait for your agent to call you, or you can go learn how to build a Shaker blanket chest with hand-cut dovetails.”

— Nick Offerman

100. “It’s funny, growing up there was never anybody around me with any kind of artistic bent.”

— Nick Offerman