Top 40 Funny Quotes About Life (2024 Update)

1. “Don’t Panic.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Interesting Quotes, Silly Quotes, Crazy Quotes

2. “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Interesting Quotes, Fiction Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

3. “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Clever Quotes, Witty Quotes, Monday Quotes

4. “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

— Groucho Marx

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Time Quotes, Silly Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Clever Quotes

5. “Lead your life so you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. ”

— Will Rogers

Also featured in: Integrity Quotes, Funny Quotes, Values Quotes, Common Sense Quotes, Clever Quotes

6. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

— Miles Kington

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Knowledge Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Clever Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

7. “Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.”

— Bill Murray

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Crazy Quotes

8. “With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.”

— Rick Riordan

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Tired Quotes

9. “Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.”

— Hunter S. Thompson

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Fun Quotes

10. “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

— Groucho Marx

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Silly Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Witty Quotes, Humor Quotes

11. “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”

— Yogi Berra

Also featured in: Funny Quotes, Common Sense Quotes, Path Quotes

12. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

— Steven Wright

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Humor Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

13. “Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don't quit when you're tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.”

— Robert Strauss

Also featured in: Success Quotes, Winning Quotes, Challenges Quotes, Quotes About Work, Witty Quotes

14. “Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.”

— Warren Buffett

Also featured in: Common Sense Quotes, Witty Quotes

15. “You live and learn. At any rate, you live.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Learning Quotes, Experience Quotes, Humor Quotes

16. “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”

— Theodore Roosevelt

Also featured in: Accountability Quotes, Challenges Quotes, Witty Quotes, Humor Quotes

17. “Youth is wasted on the young.”

— George Bernard Shaw

Also featured in: Witty Quotes

18. “If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

19. “The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second.”

— Douglas Adams

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Witty Quotes

20. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”

— Ranulph Fiennes

Also featured in: Preparation Quotes, Witty Quotes

21. “Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor’s appointment.”

— Nick Offerman

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

22. “Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Quotes About Reality

23. “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

— George Carlin

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Humor Quotes

24. “Just say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards.”

— Tina Fey

Also featured in: Hilarious Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Funny Senior Quotes, Hate Quotes

25. “If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. ”

— Yogi Berra

Also featured in: Athlete Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

26. “For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe.”

— Larry Eisenberg

Also featured in: Mind Quotes, Peace Quotes

27. “You only go around once, but if you play your cards right, once is enough.”

— Frank Sinatra

Also featured in: Life Is Short Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

28. “There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”

— Frank Zappa

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Crazy Quotes

29. “Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”

— Chris Rock

Also featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Smart Quotes, Humor Quotes, Intelligence Quotes

30. “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

— Robert A. Heinlein

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

31. “If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.”

— Clint Eastwood

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

32. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”

— Cassandra Clare

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Coffee Quotes

33. “Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”

— Dr. Seuss

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Storytelling Quotes, Imagination Quotes

34. “The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.”

— Tom Bodett

Also featured in: Experience Quotes, Teaching Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, School Quotes

35. “What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”

— Pearl Bailey

Also featured in: Silly Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes, Valentine's Day Quotes

36. “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”

— Groucho Marx

Also featured in: Humor Quotes, Mistake Quotes, Funny Inspirational Quotes

37. “You don’t have to run faster than the bear to get away. You just have to run faster than the guy next to you.”

— Jim Butcher

Also featured in: Competition Quotes

38. “I’m smart enough to know that I’m dumb.”

— Richard P. Feynman

39. “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.”

— Michel de Montaigne

40. “The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything.”

— Bill Murray

41. “People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”

— Lemony Snicket

42. “Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been.”

— Jimmy Buffett

43. “Showing up is 80 percent of life.”

— Woody Allen

Also featured in: Funny Inspirational Quotes

44. “Step with care and great tact. And remember life’s a great balancing act.”

— Dr. Seuss

Also featured in: Funny Inspirational Quotes