Top 300 Scott Adams Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “Great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.”

— Scott Adams

52. “In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog’s job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.”

— Scott Adams

53. “Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.”

— Scott Adams

54. “Why aren’t you signed up for the 401K? I’d never be able to run that far.”

— Scott Adams

55. “There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.”

— Scott Adams

56. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”

— Scott Adams

57. “As a rule, I don’t like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it’s really, really funny.”

— Scott Adams

58. “We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. H. P. LOVECRAFT, “The Call of Cthulhu” When did ignorance become a point of view?”

— Scott Adams

59. “A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.”

— Scott Adams

60. “Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.”

— Scott Adams

61. “I’m slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can’t motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.”

— Scott Adams

62. “The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.”

— Scott Adams

63. “I get mail; therefore I am.”

— Scott Adams

64. “The best things in life are silly.”

— Scott Adams

65. “I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.”

— Scott Adams

66. “If a job’s worth doing, it’s too hard.”

— Scott Adams

67. “Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons.”

— Scott Adams

68. “Lately... the Peter Principle has given way to the “Dilbert Principle.” The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”

— Scott Adams

69. “As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.”

— Scott Adams

70. “Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.”

— Scott Adams

71. “Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.”

— Scott Adams

72. “I’m primarily just an investor.”

— Scott Adams

73. “The system-versus-goals model can be applied to most human endeavors. In the world of dieting, losing twenty pounds is a goal, but eating right is a system. In the exercise realm, running a marathon in under four hours is a goal, but exercising daily is a system. In business, making a million dollars is a goal, but being a serial entrepreneur is a system.”

— Scott Adams

74. “Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.”

— Scott Adams

75. “I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk – anything than can’t kill you immediately.”

— Scott Adams

76. “We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.”

— Scott Adams

77. “Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.”

— Scott Adams

78. “I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don’t.”

— Scott Adams

79. “I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.”

— Scott Adams

80. “Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. – Dogbert’s Motto.”

— Scott Adams

81. “Failure is where success likes to hide in plain sight.”

— Scott Adams

82. “Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.”

— Scott Adams

83. “Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.”

— Scott Adams

84. “Pessimism is often a failure of imagination. If you can imagine the future being brighter, it lifts your energy and gooses the chemistry in your body that produces a sensation of happiness.”

— Scott Adams

85. “Dilbert: I’m obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it’s impossible, but I have something they don’t. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.”

— Scott Adams

86. “If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.”

— Scott Adams

87. “On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.”

— Scott Adams

88. “Ideas are cheap. A dime a dozen, as they say. It’s the implementation that’s important! The trick isn’t just to have a computer game idea, but to actually create it!”

— Scott Adams

89. “There’s a fine line between marketing and grand theft.”

— Scott Adams

90. “The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.”

— Scott Adams

91. “For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That’s exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.”

— Scott Adams

92. “In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.”

— Scott Adams

93. “Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.”

— Scott Adams

94. “Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.”

— Scott Adams

95. “The world isn’t fair, but as long as it’s tilting in my direction, I find that there’s a natural cap to my righteous indignation.”

— Scott Adams

96. “On all the important stuff, we are emotional creatures who make decisions first and rationalize them after the fact.”

— Scott Adams

97. “Reality is overrated and impossible to understand with any degree of certainty. What you do know for sure is that some ways of looking at the world work better than others. Pick the way that works, even if you don’t know why.”

— Scott Adams

98. “Being absolutely right and being spectacularly wrong feel exactly the same.”

— Scott Adams

99. “The greenest home is the one you don’t build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that’s already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don’t want.”

— Scott Adams

100. “If you think it’s easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you’ve probably never tried.”

— Scott Adams