Top 300 Scott Adams Quotes (2024 Update)
Page 5 of 7

201. “If you don’t believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.”

— Scott Adams

202. “Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.”

— Scott Adams

203. “Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with low SAT scores. The only differences among us is that we’re idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.”

— Scott Adams

204. “No one wants to believe that the formula for happiness is as simple as daydreaming, controlling your schedule, napping, eating right, and being active every day.”

— Scott Adams

205. “There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don’t let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it’s not like I’m just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.”

— Scott Adams

206. “We know the goats are imported because they don’t speak English.”

— Scott Adams

207. “Obviously there’s not much options when you’re a cartoonist – you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.”

— Scott Adams

208. “Every generation before us believed, like Snickers, that it had things figured out. We now know that every generation before us was wrong about a lot of it. Is it likely that you were born at the tipping point of history, in which humans know enough about reality to say we understand it? This is another case where humility is your friend.”

— Scott Adams

209. “My old life – no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.”

— Scott Adams

210. “You might be familiar with a television show that was called The Dog Whisperer. On the show, Cesar Millan, a dog-training expert, helped people get their seemingly insane dogs under control. Cesar’s main trick involved training the humans to control their own emotional states, because dogs can pick up crazy vibes from their owners.”

— Scott Adams

211. “I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society.”

— Scott Adams

212. “Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf. Dilbert: How can they tell it’s the golf gene? Dogbert: It’s plaid and it lies.”

— Scott Adams

213. “It doesn’t take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.”

— Scott Adams

214. “The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.”

— Scott Adams

215. “The power of daydreaming is similar to the power of well-made movies that can make you cry or make you laugh.”

— Scott Adams

216. “Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.”

— Scott Adams

217. “The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.”

— Scott Adams

218. “People who have good arguments use them. People who do not have good arguments try to win by labeling.”

— Scott Adams

219. “Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That’s not a natural advantage. You’d better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.”

— Scott Adams

220. “He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father’s Day.”

— Scott Adams

221. “The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day.”

— Scott Adams

222. “I can’t bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.”

— Scott Adams

223. “There are three important things to know about human beings in order to understand why we do the things we do. Humans use pattern recognition to understand their world. Humans are very bad at pattern recognition. And they don’t know it.”

— Scott Adams

224. “Humans think they are rational, and they think they understand their reality. But they are wrong on both counts.”

— Scott Adams

225. “He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.”

— Scott Adams

226. “You might think the word “homemade” is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don’t realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that’s why.”

— Scott Adams

227. “If you haven’t already told your kids ‘don’t fellate the president’ then you’re probably a bad parent.”

— Scott Adams

228. “You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you’d be in a wheelchair too.”

— Scott Adams

229. “A matador is a guy who didn’t have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.”

— Scott Adams

230. “It’s hard to argue with the government. Remember, they are they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.”

— Scott Adams

231. “Focus on your diet first and get that right so you have enough energy to want to exercise.”

— Scott Adams

232. “If you believe people use reason for the important decisions in life, you will go through life feeling confused and frustrated that others seem to have bad reasoning skills. The reality is that reason is just one of the drivers of our decisions, and often the smallest one.”

— Scott Adams

233. “If you think more privacy is always better, that is a case of loserthink. Every situation is different. Sometimes privacy is the problem that prevents the solution.”

— Scott Adams

234. “The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.”

— Scott Adams

235. “Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I’m wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.”

— Scott Adams

236. “As a fan, I’m distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.”

— Scott Adams

237. “People are naturally drawn to the things they feel comfortable doing, and comfort is a marker for talent.”

— Scott Adams

238. “Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success. Happiness.”

— Scott Adams

239. “Reality has a pulse, a rhythm, for lack of better words.”

— Scott Adams

240. “When you hire that first person, then you’re a boss. You’ve got performance reviews. You’ve got complaints about not making enough money. You’ve got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.”

— Scott Adams

241. “Your shower is ready – I turned it on last night.”

— Scott Adams

242. “We humans like to think we are creatures of reason. We aren’t. The reality is that we make our decisions first and rationalize them later... Your illusion of being a rational person is supported by the fact that sometimes you do act rationally.”

— Scott Adams

243. “I think ‘Dilbert’ will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. ‘Dilbert’ is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.”

— Scott Adams

244. “I’m curious how you’ll know it works. I assume it’s mostly a cosmetic change.”

— Scott Adams

245. “For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.”

— Scott Adams

246. “In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.”

— Scott Adams

247. “Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.”

— Scott Adams

248. “Idiocy in the modern age isn’t an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It’s a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.”

— Scott Adams

249. “Managing your personal energy is like managing budgets in a company.”

— Scott Adams

250. “My definition of happiness is that it’s a feeling you get when your body chemistry is producing pleasant sensations in your mind.”

— Scott Adams