Top 300 Scott Adams Quotes (2026 Update)
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101. “On all the important stuff, we are emotional creatures who make decisions first and rationalize them after the fact.”

— Scott Adams

102. “Reality is overrated and impossible to understand with any degree of certainty. What you do know for sure is that some ways of looking at the world work better than others. Pick the way that works, even if you don’t know why.”

— Scott Adams

103. “Being absolutely right and being spectacularly wrong feel exactly the same.”

— Scott Adams

104. “If you think it’s easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you’ve probably never tried.”

— Scott Adams

105. “The Success Formula: Every Skill You Acquire Doubles Your Odds of Success.”

— Scott Adams

106. “The greenest home is the one you don’t build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that’s already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don’t want.”

— Scott Adams

107. “Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.”

— Scott Adams

108. “Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.”

— Scott Adams

109. “There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.”

— Scott Adams

110. “The only risk of failure is promotion.”

— Scott Adams

111. “People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.”

— Scott Adams

112. “And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.”

— Scott Adams

Featured in: Surfing Quotes

113. “I used to be stupid but I’ve turned that situation around 360 degrees.”

— Scott Adams

114. “Successwise, you’re better off being good at two complementary skills than being excellent at one.”

— Scott Adams

115. “Mockery is an important social tool for squelching stupidity. I’ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I’ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.”

— Scott Adams

116. “We’re a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.”

— Scott Adams

117. “Stem cells are like toenail clippings with a better career plan.”

— Scott Adams

118. “The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. – Wally’s Keynote Speech.”

— Scott Adams

119. “Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.”

— Scott Adams

120. “Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.”

— Scott Adams

121. “Stress is your body’s way of saying you haven’t worked enough unpaid overtime.”

— Scott Adams

122. “I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.”

— Scott Adams

Featured in: Fun Quotes

123. “Goal-oriented people exist in a state of continuous presuccess failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out. Systems people succeed every time they apply their systems, in the sense that they did what they intended to do. The goals people are fighting the feeling of discouragement at each turn. The systems people are feeling good every time they apply their system.”

— Scott Adams

124. “Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.”

— Scott Adams

125. “My philosophy is that every phone conversation has a loser.”

— Scott Adams

126. “People think they follow advice but they don’t. Humans are only capable of receiving information. They create their own advice. If you seek to influence someone, don’t waste time giving advice. You can change only what people know, not what they do.”

— Scott Adams

127. “Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren’t real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.”

— Scott Adams

128. “Recapping my skill set: I have poor art skills, mediocre business skills, good but not great writing talent, and an early knowledge of the Internet. And I have a good but not great sense of humor. I’m like one big mediocre soup. None of my skills are world-class, but when my mediocre skills are combined, they become a powerful market force.”

— Scott Adams

129. “The only reasonable goal in life is maximizing your total lifetime experience of something called happiness. That might sound selfish, but it’s not. Only a sociopath or a hermit can find happiness through extreme selfishness. A normal person needs to treat others well in order to enjoy life.”

— Scott Adams

130. “The job isn’t done until you’ve blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.”

— Scott Adams

131. “Continuing to believe the same thing, even in the face of new evidence to the contrary, is the definition of insanity – except in politics where it’s called leadership.”

— Scott Adams

132. “If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.”

— Scott Adams

133. “Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.”

— Scott Adams

134. “I wouldn’t be satisfied simply escaping from my prison of silence; I was planning to escape, free the other inmates, shoot the warden, and burn down the prison. Sometimes I get that way. It’s a surprisingly useful frame of mind.”

— Scott Adams

135. “Common sense isn’t a real thing. And its ugly cousin, fairness, is a concept invented so dumb people could participate in arguments.”

— Scott Adams

136. “We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.”

— Scott Adams

137. “It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism.”

— Scott Adams

138. “Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn’t have the capacity for discerning true facts. That’s why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It’s the best we can do.”

— Scott Adams

139. “I don’t read the news to find truth, as that would be a foolish waste of time.”

— Scott Adams

140. “I’ve long seen failure as a tool, not an outcome.”

— Scott Adams

141. “In the long run, any system that depends on your willpower will fail.”

— Scott Adams

142. “I try to avoid giving advice.”

— Scott Adams

143. “There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don’t let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it’s not like I’m just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.”

— Scott Adams

144. “If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you’ll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.”

— Scott Adams

145. “The ability to work hard and make sacrifices comes naturally to those who know exactly what they want.”

— Scott Adams

146. “You often hear advice from successful people that you should “follow your passion.” That sounds perfectly reasonable the first time you hear it.”

— Scott Adams

147. “You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won’t be that much of a change.”

— Scott Adams

148. “If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has extraordinary power.”

— Scott Adams

149. “The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.”

— Scott Adams

150. “If bad memories are keeping you from being happy, try crowding out the destructive memories with new and interesting thoughts. Stay busy, in mind and body, and time is on your side.”

— Scott Adams