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Spike Milligan Quotes

Spike Milligan Quote: “Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I’ll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “One day the “Don’t Knows” will get in and then where will we be?”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Its all in the mind, you know.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I told you I was sick.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “In the human race today, you came last.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I’m a hero with coward’s legs.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!”
Spike Milligan Quote: “After Puckoon I swore I’d never write another book. This is it.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “A lot of learning canbe a little thing.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I’m Irish. We think sideways.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.”
Spike Milligan Quote: “Aristocrats have heirs, the poor have children, and the rest keep dogs.”
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