Top 500 T.J. Klune Quotes (2023 Update)
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101. “I just want to be wherever you are.”

— T.J. Klune

102. “Because for all his bravado, for all the sass and the sarcasm, he is still the greatest wizard I have ever known. He’s the better part of all of us. And I am humbled to be in his presence.”

— T.J. Klune

103. “He snorted into his radicchio, which I admired because it was a pretty purple. The radicchio was purple, not his snort. Just in case you got confused there. I don’t think it’s possible for people to snort colors. We’re not unicorns, after all.”

— T.J. Klune

104. “He grinned at me again, and the butterflies in my stomach turned into dragons and laid waste to my innards.”

— T.J. Klune

105. “I look like a gay Mormon missionary,” he lamented in the mirror. “Pardon me, have you heard the word of the Lord? It’s fabulous!”

— T.J. Klune

106. “Since it wasn’t polite to ask someone if he could keep them in his pocket, he didn’t.”

— T.J. Klune

107. “You’re a talking unicorn,” I said. “Sometimes when you poop, it comes out as rainbows and smells like cookies. There is nothing subtle about you.”

— T.J. Klune

108. “There are things more important in this world than where I come from. And that’s where I’m going.”

— T.J. Klune

109. “I fell in love with Ryan, you got jealous, then I fell out of love with him because he seemed needy, you tied me up, I got half a chubby because it reminded me of Octavio, and now you have a date with Ryan. Oops. I mean Todd. Gosh, I’m beat. What a long night.”

— T.J. Klune

110. “Richard Collins had only taken weeks to destroy the little boy I’d known. He was this shell, okay? This empty shell, and I didn’t know how to fix it. And then, Ox. Oh, and then there was you.” She.”

— T.J. Klune

111. “You all have kept me sane, but he kept me safe.”

— T.J. Klune

112. “Above it was a sign. It didn’t have any words on it. Instead there was a fluffy teddy bear with an eye patch, a harness, and a leather cap tilted on its head. It had a cigar sticking out of its bared teeth. I had never seen a teddy bear leer before. It was quite eye-opening.”

— T.J. Klune

113. “Can I kiss you?” It was said so shyly, so hesitantly, that I ached with it. “You want to?” I asked quietly. He nodded once, a little jerk of his head. “I guess that’s all right,” I said. “I’m not your first.” “No.” “And you’re not mine.” “No,” I said, jaw tense. “But you’re the only one that matters. So, it’s like it’s the first. For the both of us.”

— T.J. Klune

114. “It’s the hipsters,” David said. “It’s retro. They need a place to convene and argue whether Holden Caulfield was deep or just a spoiled brat.”

— T.J. Klune

115. “I’m fine.” “Sure you are. But it’s okay not to be. You know that, right?”

— T.J. Klune

116. “You can be the queen,” I allowed. “Just don’t tell Gary I said that. Friendships have ended for a lot less than that.”

— T.J. Klune

117. “LOL. Wuteva. “What the hell does that mean?” Gus asked. “Lawl? Lole? I don’t speak youth!”

— T.J. Klune

118. “You’re my brother, you big queen. I will love you no matter what you do, who you do, or where you do it. Do we have a clear understanding?”

— T.J. Klune

119. “Please just let me have you. Please. Nothing else matters if I can’t have you.”

— T.J. Klune

120. “I want to court your son.” “What does that mean?” she asked. “It means I want to provide for him to prove my worth,” Joe said. “And then, once he agrees to be mine, I’ll mount him and then bite him and everyone will see that we belong to each other.” I.”

— T.J. Klune

121. “We’re going out and getting drunk. I’m tired of being sixteen years old and never having gotten intoxicated. It’s like I’m doing nothing with my life.”

— T.J. Klune

122. “And I’ve been waiting,” Joe said. “For him to look at me like I looked at him. And he finally did. He finally did. And I’m going to do everything I can to make sure it stays like that. Because I want him for always.”

— T.J. Klune

123. “I’m not a prize to be won,” he gasped out. “That was so awesome. You go, girl. Get down with your bad self and preach. We don’t need no mens. We are fierce and hear Sam of Wilds roar.” He puffed out his chest and pranced in place in his fairy ring.”

— T.J. Klune

124. “I couldn’t find the words to say what I wanted. Sometimes, when your heart gets so full, it takes away your voice and all you can do it hold on for dear life.”

— T.J. Klune

125. “You want to get a drink later? Maybe after, if you’re lucky, you can finally find out what it means to taste the rainbow.”

— T.J. Klune

126. “A werewolf is courting me with a dead rabbit. There’s nothing subtle here.”

— T.J. Klune

127. “Honey bear,” the unicorn said. “You are the gayest thing I’ve seen since I last saw my own reflection.”

— T.J. Klune

128. “Because revenge is the lesson taught by animals. Because it’s more difficult to show mercy. I showed him mercy because he’d never shown my family the same.”

— T.J. Klune

129. “It’s not how wishing works. If we got everything we ever wished for, we wouldn’t have the capacity to be thankful for all the things we’d already been given. I’ve got so much already. I don’t ever want to lose sight of why it’s important.”

— T.J. Klune

130. “Sorry,” he muttered as he pulled it away. “Sure,” I said faintly. “Sure.” I wondered how to go about asking him to poke me with his sword again.”

— T.J. Klune

131. “That’s not the question you should be asking, though, if this is a dream. The question you should be asking is what you’re going to do now? Because you’re awake?”

— T.J. Klune

132. “Sometimes, Gus didn’t understand how he found himself in the situations that he did. Even if he was the common denominator, he obviously was not at fault. There had to be some other cosmic power that lorded over him. That made sense. Well, a lot of things made sense now that he was high.”

— T.J. Klune

133. “You sound like a young person. You are probably all hip to the lingo the kids use these days.” “You and I are the same age, Mr. Tiberius.”

— T.J. Klune

134. “You’re the only one I trust to help me with my love life.” “That was the worst thing a human being has ever said to me. Don’t do it again.”

— T.J. Klune

135. “Gary snorted. When he did, little pink and purple sparkles shot out his nose. Being a unicorn is awesome like that.”

— T.J. Klune

136. “Saying goodbye is rough. I think I told you once that goodbye sounds so stupid and final and blah, blah, blah. But I was younger then. I didn’t know what I know now. Roads can diverge. It’s tough but true. It’ll be okay. In the end. So you’ll go one way. And we’ll go another. Maybe one day we’ll meet again. But even if we don’t, remember this: We have lived. We have loved. We have lost. But we’re standing. For all that we are, we’re still standing.”

— T.J. Klune

137. “Take a shower. You smell like what sad dreams are made of.”

— T.J. Klune

138. “Life can suck. It can hurt. It has teeth and won’t hesitate to bite you. But if you pick yourself back up every time it knocks you down, it’ll start to hurt less, because you’ll be stronger.”

— T.J. Klune

139. “One of the great travesties of life is finding out porn is unrealistic.”

— T.J. Klune

140. “She sighed. “You’re smarter than you look. That can’t possibly be good.”

— T.J. Klune

141. “We have places to go, people to yell at us and break our hearts, in case you forgot.”

— T.J. Klune

142. “The cause of death listed by the coroner would be swooning over elderly men who were too precious for this world.”

— T.J. Klune

143. “He gave me a lot, but it would have never been enough.” He looks thoughtful as he gazes back down at me. “It would never have been enough,” he tells me,” because it would never have been you.”

— T.J. Klune

144. “You can’t own what belongs to the world.”

— T.J. Klune

145. “One thing that they don’t tell you is that fires can’t burn bright forever.”

— T.J. Klune

146. “I just like looking at nice things. And want to touch them with my mouth.”

— T.J. Klune

147. “The third day, he wasn’t on the road. I wanted to feel relieved. Instead, I was disappointed. Until I got home. Mom had had the day off, the first in a long while. So, of course, she was home when I got there. And so was Joe. Sitting at our kitchen table. Wearing dress pants, a dress shirt. And a bow tie. Which, unbeknownst to me, turned out to be one of my greatest weaknesses. I.”

— T.J. Klune

148. “Mom said, “He didn’t want to sleep with you so he knocked you through a building? That’s rude. He could have just moved on.”

— T.J. Klune

149. “Mark was watching me. “What?” I asked, still chuckling. He shook his head slowly. “Uh – nothing. I just – it’s nice. Hearing you. Like this. I like it. When you laugh.” Then he blushed furiously and looked away.”

— T.J. Klune

150. “Four men walked from among the trees. All of them had their heads shaved. The one in the front, the Alpha, had a beard, dirty blond and full. He was the same size as the other two wolves, large and intimidating, moving with a grace he hadn’t had before. The fourth man moved with them, smaller than the others, but his tattoos were as bright as they’d ever been, the raven fluttering on his arm. They.”

— T.J. Klune