Top 500 T.J. Klune Quotes (2026 Update)
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251. “It’s like something so lovely can’t just be lovely. It also has to be harsh and corroding.”

— T.J. Klune

252. “Most people like hair,” Morgan said. “His is curly and dreamy. Now shut up.”

— T.J. Klune

253. “I was going to be the best friend Jeremy ever had, even if it meant death by blue balls.”

— T.J. Klune

254. “Fifteen-year-old Sam had seen twenty-year-old Ryan for the first time and had immediately run upstairs and jerked off. It had been a revolutionary and enlightening experience that essentially answered the question that yes, I was indeed very, very gay.”

— T.J. Klune

255. “If the inspirational calendar had been a person, Gus would have punched it in the face.”

— T.J. Klune

256. “Why’d the chicken cross the road?” I gaped at him. “Because it got scared after it saw me kicking your ass!”

— T.J. Klune

257. “You’re too precious to put into words. I think... it’s like one of Theodore’s buttons. If you asked him why he cared about them so, he would tell you it’s because they exist at all.”

— T.J. Klune

258. “I’d always heard that your twenties were for partying until all hours of the night, and then your thirties were pajamas at eight. I couldn’t wait until I turned thirty because I was already there in spirit.”

— T.J. Klune

259. “Every step forward is a step closer to home.”

— T.J. Klune

260. “I wish I could find that one person made for me so that way I can show them why I was made for them.”

— T.J. Klune

261. “I know sometimes you see things when you close your eyes that no one should ever see. But there is good in you, Lucifer, overwhelming so. I know there is.”

— T.J. Klune

262. “Humanity is so weird. If we’re not laughing, we’re crying or running for our lives because monsters are trying to eat us. And they don’t even have to be real monsters.”

— T.J. Klune

263. “THREE YEARS. One month. Twenty-six days.”

— T.J. Klune

264. “I can’t wait to see him again, to hold my son’s face in my hands and tell him how proud I am of him. We think we have time for such things, but there’s never enough for all we should have said.”

— T.J. Klune

265. “I know. But I like you even more when I’m sober.” “Boom,” Bernice moaned. “Right in the feels.”

— T.J. Klune

266. “Being gay is so hard,” he muttered. “Not only do you have to admit that, but then you have to find out what kind of gay you are. It’s all very confusing. It was so much easier when we played with Legos instead of dressing like leather cubs and pedo-bait.”

— T.J. Klune

267. “You’re not like everyone else, just as they’re not you.”

— T.J. Klune

268. “I’m going to have to work out even more now tomorrow to make up for all the potatoes and bread. Okay. I feel bad. That was a lie. I’m not going to work out at all. That sounds just awful.”

— T.J. Klune

269. “Bear? What am I?” I sigh. “My brother.” He cocks an eyebrow. “My big brother.” “Damn right. And what do my parents have in abundance?” “A tolerance for someone like you?” He glares at me. I sigh again. “Disposable income.” “And who just made a big speech about family and love and other gay things?” Goddammit. “Me.”

— T.J. Klune

270. “THAT NIGHT as I lay in bed waiting for sleep, I heard a howl from deep in the woods. It rose like a song until I was sure it was all I could ever want to sing. It went on and on and all I could think of was home, home, home.”

— T.J. Klune

271. “Life is short, Corey. Far shorter than you think it is when you’re twenty-three. Don’t let it pass you by. You don’t want to find yourself an old man filled with regrets from all the chances you didn’t take.”

— T.J. Klune

272. “May our songs always be heard.”

— T.J. Klune

273. “I could appreciate the older man. I had eyes, after all. He was all tall and barrel-chested and rocked a mustache that curled at the ends. Gary and I agreed he was a total KILF.”

— T.J. Klune

274. “I have no idea what’s going on,” he said. “I’m not even sure if I’m here.” “Yes,” Ms. Bubblegum said sympathetically. “Sounds like quite the existential crisis. Perhaps consider having it somewhere else.”

— T.J. Klune

275. “Have you kissed a guy yet?” I blushed. “No.” Before.”

— T.J. Klune

276. “But a river only moves in one direction, no matter how much we wish it weren’t so.”

— T.J. Klune

277. “What’re a couple of years in the face of eternity?”

— T.J. Klune

278. “Gus hated feeling anxious. He also hated warm ketchup, loud people, sunburns, parallel parking, jams and jellies, Instagram, Sarah McLachlan’s SPCA commercials, rubber glue, Michael Bay’s DVD commentaries, Michael Bay’s films, Michael Bay, and that weird feeling that tattooed, bearded hipster caused in the pit of his stomach that felt like he had tripped down a flight of stairs into a frozen lake that got lit on fire.”

— T.J. Klune

279. “But that was the funny thing about wishes. Sometimes all it took to make them come true was a first step.”

— T.J. Klune

280. “They fear what they don’t understand. And that fear turns to hate for reasons I’m sure even they can’t begin to comprehend.”

— T.J. Klune

281. “I’m afraid I don’t have magic.” “You do, Mr. Baker. Arthur told me that there can be magic in the ordinary.”

— T.J. Klune

282. “You think I’m a prisoner here. That I’m trapped, that you’re trapped. And in a way, maybe we are. But I can’t quite call it a prison when there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

— T.J. Klune

283. “Sam’s just dealing with some issues. He recently came to the realization that he’s a twenty-year-old virgin prude.”

— T.J. Klune

284. “But I still had trouble with words sometimes. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any. It was that I had too many, and they all got stuck trying to come out at once. But that was okay. Because Joe had plenty.”

— T.J. Klune

285. “Mr. Baker,” Lucy said sweetly. “Can I get you something to drink? Juice, perhaps? Tea?” He leaned forward and dropped his voice. “The blood of a baby born in a cemetery under a full moon?” “Lucy,” Mr. Parnassus warned. Lucy stared at Linus. “Whatever you want, I can give you,” he whispered.”

— T.J. Klune

286. “Life, Linus Baker knew, came down to what we made from it. It was about the choices, both big and small.”

— T.J. Klune

287. “He’s going to murder me,” Josy moaned. “And then he won’t want to be my boyfriend because I’m dead, and no one wants to date a dead guy except for necrophiliacs and teenage girls.”

— T.J. Klune

288. “Gustavo! Stop shaking your fists at that mermaid! You’ll scare away potential customers!”

— T.J. Klune

289. “My insides are rotted and festering like an infected wound leaking pus.”

— T.J. Klune

290. “I’m about to hug the crap out of you,” I warned him. “Like, full-on feelings hug where it goes on for a bit too long and becomes slightly awkward and we both clear our throats and shuffle our feet when it’s over.”

— T.J. Klune

291. “Ryan shrugged. “You’re adorable. With your angry glitter.” And Gary blushed. His whole face. Never before in the strange and sordid history of our super-best friendship had I ever seen him blush.”

— T.J. Klune

292. “You’re just not hearing what you want to hear. I know it might be hard to understand, but not everything is about you, Wallace. You have your own story. She has hers. If you’re meant to know what it is, you will.”

— T.J. Klune

293. “We live and we breathe. We die, and we still feel like breathing. It’s not always the big deaths either. There are little deaths, because that’s what grief is. I.”

— T.J. Klune

294. “Ox,” he said, a hint of his wolf poking through, eyes flashing. “Anything you’d like to tell me?” “No,” I said quickly. “Absolutely not.” “You sure about that?” he asked, his grip on my elbow tightening. I just barely managed to pull my arm free. “I’m hungry,” I said, voice rough. “We should – ” “Sure,” he said. “Let’s go.” I blinked. He smiled at me. My heart stuttered a bit. The smile widened. No.”

— T.J. Klune

295. “Sometimes, things get chipped and broken, but there’s still good in them.”

— T.J. Klune

296. “No,” Linus said. “I will not be careful. It may not have been by your hand that he suffered, but it was by your ideals. The ideals of DICOMY. Of a registration. Of the prejudice against them. You allow it to fester, you and all the people before you who sat where you do now. You keep them segregated from everyone else because they’re different than the rest of us. People fear them because they’re taught to.”

— T.J. Klune

297. “Sometimes I think I like you,” Gus said. “And then you talk or breathe or exist and I’m not so sure.”

— T.J. Klune

298. “He couldn’t believe it was only Wednesday. And it was made worse when he realized it was actually Tuesday.”

— T.J. Klune

299. “She said that life was more than dirty socks.”

— T.J. Klune

300. “You keep them segregated from everyone else because they’re different than the rest of us. People fear them because they’re taught to. See something, say something. It inspires hatred.”

— T.J. Klune