Top 500 T.J. Klune Quotes (2026 Update)
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251. “I know. But I like you even more when I’m sober.” “Boom,” Bernice moaned. “Right in the feels.”

— T.J. Klune

252. “You’re not like everyone else, just as they’re not you.”

— T.J. Klune

253. “I’m going to have to work out even more now tomorrow to make up for all the potatoes and bread. Okay. I feel bad. That was a lie. I’m not going to work out at all. That sounds just awful.”

— T.J. Klune

254. “Bear? What am I?” I sigh. “My brother.” He cocks an eyebrow. “My big brother.” “Damn right. And what do my parents have in abundance?” “A tolerance for someone like you?” He glares at me. I sigh again. “Disposable income.” “And who just made a big speech about family and love and other gay things?” Goddammit. “Me.”

— T.J. Klune

255. “THAT NIGHT as I lay in bed waiting for sleep, I heard a howl from deep in the woods. It rose like a song until I was sure it was all I could ever want to sing. It went on and on and all I could think of was home, home, home.”

— T.J. Klune

256. “Life is all about chances. It’s all about these little moments that add up to greatness. And there are times when you have to grab greatness by the balls and say, ‘Hey! Greatness! I’ve got your nuts and you can’t do a single godsdamn thing about it!”

— T.J. Klune

257. “I was going to be the best friend Jeremy ever had, even if it meant death by blue balls.”

— T.J. Klune

258. “Fifteen-year-old Sam had seen twenty-year-old Ryan for the first time and had immediately run upstairs and jerked off. It had been a revolutionary and enlightening experience that essentially answered the question that yes, I was indeed very, very gay.”

— T.J. Klune

259. “Life is short, Corey. Far shorter than you think it is when you’re twenty-three. Don’t let it pass you by. You don’t want to find yourself an old man filled with regrets from all the chances you didn’t take.”

— T.J. Klune

260. “I could appreciate the older man. I had eyes, after all. He was all tall and barrel-chested and rocked a mustache that curled at the ends. Gary and I agreed he was a total KILF.”

— T.J. Klune

261. “Have you kissed a guy yet?” I blushed. “No.” Before.”

— T.J. Klune

262. “But a river only moves in one direction, no matter how much we wish it weren’t so.”

— T.J. Klune

263. “You’re too precious to put into words. I think... it’s like one of Theodore’s buttons. If you asked him why he cared about them so, he would tell you it’s because they exist at all.”

— T.J. Klune

264. “I’d always heard that your twenties were for partying until all hours of the night, and then your thirties were pajamas at eight. I couldn’t wait until I turned thirty because I was already there in spirit.”

— T.J. Klune

265. “Hindsight is a powerful thing, Wallace. We don’t always see what’s right in front of us, much less appreciate it. It’s not until we look back that we find what we should have known all along. I won’t have you thinking I’m a perfect man. It would be a lie. But I’ve learned that maybe I was a better person than I expected. I think that’s all anyone can ask for.”

— T.J. Klune

266. “I know sometimes you see things when you close your eyes that no one should ever see. But there is good in you, Lucifer, overwhelming so. I know there is.”

— T.J. Klune

267. “Sometimes I think I like you,” Gus said. “And then you talk or breathe or exist and I’m not so sure.”

— T.J. Klune

268. “I couldn’t even begin to guess how old he was. Maybe thirty. Or three hundred. When you’re eleven, anyone older is just old.”

— T.J. Klune

269. “Gus hated feeling anxious. He also hated warm ketchup, loud people, sunburns, parallel parking, jams and jellies, Instagram, Sarah McLachlan’s SPCA commercials, rubber glue, Michael Bay’s DVD commentaries, Michael Bay’s films, Michael Bay, and that weird feeling that tattooed, bearded hipster caused in the pit of his stomach that felt like he had tripped down a flight of stairs into a frozen lake that got lit on fire.”

— T.J. Klune

270. “Being gay is so hard,” he muttered. “Not only do you have to admit that, but then you have to find out what kind of gay you are. It’s all very confusing. It was so much easier when we played with Legos instead of dressing like leather cubs and pedo-bait.”

— T.J. Klune

271. “Sam’s just dealing with some issues. He recently came to the realization that he’s a twenty-year-old virgin prude.”

— T.J. Klune

272. “But I still had trouble with words sometimes. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any. It was that I had too many, and they all got stuck trying to come out at once. But that was okay. Because Joe had plenty.”

— T.J. Klune

273. “Mr. Baker,” Lucy said sweetly. “Can I get you something to drink? Juice, perhaps? Tea?” He leaned forward and dropped his voice. “The blood of a baby born in a cemetery under a full moon?” “Lucy,” Mr. Parnassus warned. Lucy stared at Linus. “Whatever you want, I can give you,” he whispered.”

— T.J. Klune

274. “Life, Linus Baker knew, came down to what we made from it. It was about the choices, both big and small.”

— T.J. Klune

275. “He’s going to murder me,” Josy moaned. “And then he won’t want to be my boyfriend because I’m dead, and no one wants to date a dead guy except for necrophiliacs and teenage girls.”

— T.J. Klune

276. “Gustavo! Stop shaking your fists at that mermaid! You’ll scare away potential customers!”

— T.J. Klune

277. “I’m about to hug the crap out of you,” I warned him. “Like, full-on feelings hug where it goes on for a bit too long and becomes slightly awkward and we both clear our throats and shuffle our feet when it’s over.”

— T.J. Klune

278. “May our songs always be heard.”

— T.J. Klune

279. “Different doesn’t mean bad. Arthur says being different is sometimes better than being the same as everyone else.”

— T.J. Klune

280. “Ryan shrugged. “You’re adorable. With your angry glitter.” And Gary blushed. His whole face. Never before in the strange and sordid history of our super-best friendship had I ever seen him blush.”

— T.J. Klune

281. “What’re a couple of years in the face of eternity?”

— T.J. Klune

282. “We live and we breathe. We die, and we still feel like breathing. It’s not always the big deaths either. There are little deaths, because that’s what grief is. I.”

— T.J. Klune

283. “Every step forward is a step closer to home.”

— T.J. Klune

284. “Sometimes, things get chipped and broken, but there’s still good in them.”

— T.J. Klune

285. “He couldn’t believe it was only Wednesday. And it was made worse when he realized it was actually Tuesday.”

— T.J. Klune

286. “I’m just one person. I’m just me.” “I know. And what a lovely person you are.”

— T.J. Klune

287. “Also, we would accept donations in our name to Planned Parenthood, because the male Republicans who wish to dismantle it should have their testicles hooked up to a car battery. Maybe then they would understand what it feels like to be a woman in America.”

— T.J. Klune

288. “Queens,” Charlie muttered. “Can’t live with them, can’t shoot them because it would get glitter everywhere.”

— T.J. Klune

289. “I listened to the earth. It sings. Most people don’t realize that. You have to listen for it with all your might. Some will never hear it, no matter how hard they try. But I can hear it as well as I can hear you. It sang to me, and I promised it in return that I would care for it if it should give me what I asked for.” She glanced down at the flower.”

— T.J. Klune

290. “They fear what they don’t understand. And that fear turns to hate for reasons I’m sure even they can’t begin to comprehend.”

— T.J. Klune

291. “I had to remind myself it was illegal to murder dragons.”

— T.J. Klune

292. “I popped my bubble... It kept me safe, but it also kept me from living.”

— T.J. Klune

293. “Opinions are like sphincters in that most people have them, just some are louder than others and can be terribly messy if not handled correctly.”

— T.J. Klune

294. “But he felt lighter somehow. Like he wasn’t paint blending into the wall. He felt real. He felt present. Almost like he could be seen.”

— T.J. Klune

295. “Mr. Parnassus nodded. “It’s the little things. Little treasures we find without knowing their origin. And they come when we least expect them. It’s beautiful, when you think about it. He loves it dearly. That was very kind of you.”

— T.J. Klune

296. “How can we fight prejudice if we do nothing to change it? If we allow it to fester, what’s the point?”

— T.J. Klune

297. “I wasn’t smiling,” he said. “I was doing lip stretches.”

— T.J. Klune

298. “He’d accepted long ago that some people, no matter how good their heart was or how much love they had to give, would always be alone.”

— T.J. Klune

299. “I winked at myself in the mirror and then realized that’s what douchebags did, so I vowed to never do it again. I.”

— T.J. Klune

300. “Stick with something basic that is guaranteed to kill any and all arousal like Fox News.”

— T.J. Klune