Top 500 T.J. Klune Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “If the inspirational calendar had been a person, Gus would have punched it in the face.”

— T.J. Klune

202. “The color of your dress really brings out the extraordinary paleness of your skin tone. Are you unwell? Dying, perhaps?”

— T.J. Klune

203. “Life isn’t defined by how long it is. It’s the moments you have while you’re alive.”

— T.J. Klune

204. “He put his finger guns away. He should not be allowed to carry weapons of mass humiliation.”

— T.J. Klune

205. “Can you sign something?” Nicole demanded. “This paper? This napkin? My chest? My inner thighs or my wildest dreams? Whatever you want.”

— T.J. Klune

206. “THREE YEARS. One month. Twenty-six days.”

— T.J. Klune

207. “I’d always heard that your twenties were for partying until all hours of the night, and then your thirties were pajamas at eight. I couldn’t wait until I turned thirty because I was already there in spirit.”

— T.J. Klune

208. “Have you kissed a guy yet?” I blushed. “No.” Before.”

— T.J. Klune

209. “Bear? What am I?” I sigh. “My brother.” He cocks an eyebrow. “My big brother.” “Damn right. And what do my parents have in abundance?” “A tolerance for someone like you?” He glares at me. I sigh again. “Disposable income.” “And who just made a big speech about family and love and other gay things?” Goddammit. “Me.”

— T.J. Klune

210. “I know. But I like you even more when I’m sober.” “Boom,” Bernice moaned. “Right in the feels.”

— T.J. Klune

211. “I’m not crazy.” “Never said you were. Therapy isn’t necessarily for crazy, though it’s ableist to think that way.”

— T.J. Klune

212. “I was going to be the best friend Jeremy ever had, even if it meant death by blue balls.”

— T.J. Klune

213. “Why’d the chicken cross the road?” I gaped at him. “Because it got scared after it saw me kicking your ass!”

— T.J. Klune

214. “I’m going to have to work out even more now tomorrow to make up for all the potatoes and bread. Okay. I feel bad. That was a lie. I’m not going to work out at all. That sounds just awful.”

— T.J. Klune

215. “There was the danger with knowing and loving others. You always knew things about them to throw back in their faces.”

— T.J. Klune

216. “Dates usually meant expectations. And expectations led to situations that Josy wasn’t comfortable with. It was easier to just avoid it entirely.”

— T.J. Klune

217. “He’s going to murder me,” Josy moaned. “And then he won’t want to be my boyfriend because I’m dead, and no one wants to date a dead guy except for necrophiliacs and teenage girls.”

— T.J. Klune

218. “Gustavo! Stop shaking your fists at that mermaid! You’ll scare away potential customers!”

— T.J. Klune

219. “Change starts with the voices of the few. I will be one of those few because they taught me how. And I know that I’m not alone.”

— T.J. Klune

220. “Sometimes I think I like you,” Gus said. “And then you talk or breathe or exist and I’m not so sure.”

— T.J. Klune

221. “Joe sang the loudest of all. He said, you belong to me.”

— T.J. Klune

222. “But I still had trouble with words sometimes. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any. It was that I had too many, and they all got stuck trying to come out at once. But that was okay. Because Joe had plenty.”

— T.J. Klune

223. “Gus hated feeling anxious. He also hated warm ketchup, loud people, sunburns, parallel parking, jams and jellies, Instagram, Sarah McLachlan’s SPCA commercials, rubber glue, Michael Bay’s DVD commentaries, Michael Bay’s films, Michael Bay, and that weird feeling that tattooed, bearded hipster caused in the pit of his stomach that felt like he had tripped down a flight of stairs into a frozen lake that got lit on fire.”

— T.J. Klune

224. “I could appreciate the older man. I had eyes, after all. He was all tall and barrel-chested and rocked a mustache that curled at the ends. Gary and I agreed he was a total KILF.”

— T.J. Klune

225. “You make me feel like I’m burning up from the inside out.”

— T.J. Klune

226. “I couldn’t even begin to guess how old he was. Maybe thirty. Or three hundred. When you’re eleven, anyone older is just old.”

— T.J. Klune

227. “Ryan shrugged. “You’re adorable. With your angry glitter.” And Gary blushed. His whole face. Never before in the strange and sordid history of our super-best friendship had I ever seen him blush.”

— T.J. Klune

228. “If we worry about the little things all the time, we run the risk of missing the bigger things.”

— T.J. Klune

229. “Life is all about chances. It’s all about these little moments that add up to greatness. And there are times when you have to grab greatness by the balls and say, ‘Hey! Greatness! I’ve got your nuts and you can’t do a single godsdamn thing about it!”

— T.J. Klune

230. “Sam’s just dealing with some issues. He recently came to the realization that he’s a twenty-year-old virgin prude.”

— T.J. Klune

231. “I’m about to hug the crap out of you,” I warned him. “Like, full-on feelings hug where it goes on for a bit too long and becomes slightly awkward and we both clear our throats and shuffle our feet when it’s over.”

— T.J. Klune

232. “Fifteen-year-old Sam had seen twenty-year-old Ryan for the first time and had immediately run upstairs and jerked off. It had been a revolutionary and enlightening experience that essentially answered the question that yes, I was indeed very, very gay.”

— T.J. Klune

233. “Also, we would accept donations in our name to Planned Parenthood, because the male Republicans who wish to dismantle it should have their testicles hooked up to a car battery. Maybe then they would understand what it feels like to be a woman in America.”

— T.J. Klune

234. “It was about then that I realized I was an extraordinarily complex person, because my logic typically made no sense.”

— T.J. Klune

235. “I wasn’t smiling,” he said. “I was doing lip stretches.”

— T.J. Klune

236. “THAT NIGHT as I lay in bed waiting for sleep, I heard a howl from deep in the woods. It rose like a song until I was sure it was all I could ever want to sing. It went on and on and all I could think of was home, home, home.”

— T.J. Klune

237. “Ox,” he said, a hint of his wolf poking through, eyes flashing. “Anything you’d like to tell me?” “No,” I said quickly. “Absolutely not.” “You sure about that?” he asked, his grip on my elbow tightening. I just barely managed to pull my arm free. “I’m hungry,” I said, voice rough. “We should – ” “Sure,” he said. “Let’s go.” I blinked. He smiled at me. My heart stuttered a bit. The smile widened. No.”

— T.J. Klune

238. “Sometimes, things get chipped and broken, but there’s still good in them.”

— T.J. Klune

239. “Stick with something basic that is guaranteed to kill any and all arousal like Fox News.”

— T.J. Klune

240. “The first time you share tea, you are a stranger. The second time you share tea, you are an honored guest. The third time you share tea, you become family.”

— T.J. Klune

241. “I had to remind myself it was illegal to murder dragons.”

— T.J. Klune

242. “Hate is a waste of time. I’m far too busy to hate anything. I prefer it that way.”

— T.J. Klune

243. “I wish I could find that one person made for me so that way I can show them why I was made for them.”

— T.J. Klune

244. “Being gay is so hard,” he muttered. “Not only do you have to admit that, but then you have to find out what kind of gay you are. It’s all very confusing. It was so much easier when we played with Legos instead of dressing like leather cubs and pedo-bait.”

— T.J. Klune

245. “I winked at myself in the mirror and then realized that’s what douchebags did, so I vowed to never do it again. I.”

— T.J. Klune

246. “Hate is loud, but i think you’ll learn it’s because it’s only a few people shouting, desperate to be heard.”

— T.J. Klune

247. “I needed to see him. To make sure he was okay. To tell him how sorry I was. That I never wanted to leave him. That I never wanted to be anywhere but by his side. All I ever wanted was to keep him safe. Ever since that first day on the road, when he spoke and moved like a little tornado, all I ever wanted was to make sure nothing ever happened to Joe Bennett. He was coming for me. I.”

— T.J. Klune

248. “You can always judge a person by how they treat animals.”

— T.J. Klune

249. “Monsters are real. Magic is real. The world is a dark and frightening place and it’s all real.”

— T.J. Klune

250. “Everyone’s different, Wallace. There’s no one way to go about this, no uniform rules in place that can be applied to every single person like you who comes through my doors. That wouldn’t make sense because you’re not like everyone else, just as they’re not you.”

— T.J. Klune