Top 500 T.J. Klune Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “He put his finger guns away. He should not be allowed to carry weapons of mass humiliation.”

— T.J. Klune

202. “I’m going to have to work out even more now tomorrow to make up for all the potatoes and bread. Okay. I feel bad. That was a lie. I’m not going to work out at all. That sounds just awful.”

— T.J. Klune

203. “There was the danger with knowing and loving others. You always knew things about them to throw back in their faces.”

— T.J. Klune

204. “Gustavo! Stop shaking your fists at that mermaid! You’ll scare away potential customers!”

— T.J. Klune

205. “Sometimes I think I like you,” Gus said. “And then you talk or breathe or exist and I’m not so sure.”

— T.J. Klune

206. “Joe sang the loudest of all. He said, you belong to me.”

— T.J. Klune

207. “Bear? What am I?” I sigh. “My brother.” He cocks an eyebrow. “My big brother.” “Damn right. And what do my parents have in abundance?” “A tolerance for someone like you?” He glares at me. I sigh again. “Disposable income.” “And who just made a big speech about family and love and other gay things?” Goddammit. “Me.”

— T.J. Klune

208. “But I still had trouble with words sometimes. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any. It was that I had too many, and they all got stuck trying to come out at once. But that was okay. Because Joe had plenty.”

— T.J. Klune

209. “Gus hated feeling anxious. He also hated warm ketchup, loud people, sunburns, parallel parking, jams and jellies, Instagram, Sarah McLachlan’s SPCA commercials, rubber glue, Michael Bay’s DVD commentaries, Michael Bay’s films, Michael Bay, and that weird feeling that tattooed, bearded hipster caused in the pit of his stomach that felt like he had tripped down a flight of stairs into a frozen lake that got lit on fire.”

— T.J. Klune

210. “I said, “I have bad dreams too. But then I remember I’m awake and that the bad dreams can’t follow me when I’m awake. And then I feel better.”

— T.J. Klune

211. “I could appreciate the older man. I had eyes, after all. He was all tall and barrel-chested and rocked a mustache that curled at the ends. Gary and I agreed he was a total KILF.”

— T.J. Klune

212. “I couldn’t even begin to guess how old he was. Maybe thirty. Or three hundred. When you’re eleven, anyone older is just old.”

— T.J. Klune

213. “Ryan shrugged. “You’re adorable. With your angry glitter.” And Gary blushed. His whole face. Never before in the strange and sordid history of our super-best friendship had I ever seen him blush.”

— T.J. Klune

214. “Life is all about chances. It’s all about these little moments that add up to greatness. And there are times when you have to grab greatness by the balls and say, ‘Hey! Greatness! I’ve got your nuts and you can’t do a single godsdamn thing about it!”

— T.J. Klune

215. “Sam’s just dealing with some issues. He recently came to the realization that he’s a twenty-year-old virgin prude.”

— T.J. Klune

216. “I’m about to hug the crap out of you,” I warned him. “Like, full-on feelings hug where it goes on for a bit too long and becomes slightly awkward and we both clear our throats and shuffle our feet when it’s over.”

— T.J. Klune

217. “He’s going to murder me,” Josy moaned. “And then he won’t want to be my boyfriend because I’m dead, and no one wants to date a dead guy except for necrophiliacs and teenage girls.”

— T.J. Klune

218. “Fifteen-year-old Sam had seen twenty-year-old Ryan for the first time and had immediately run upstairs and jerked off. It had been a revolutionary and enlightening experience that essentially answered the question that yes, I was indeed very, very gay.”

— T.J. Klune

219. “Also, we would accept donations in our name to Planned Parenthood, because the male Republicans who wish to dismantle it should have their testicles hooked up to a car battery. Maybe then they would understand what it feels like to be a woman in America.”

— T.J. Klune

220. “It was about then that I realized I was an extraordinarily complex person, because my logic typically made no sense.”

— T.J. Klune

221. “I wasn’t smiling,” he said. “I was doing lip stretches.”

— T.J. Klune

222. “THAT NIGHT as I lay in bed waiting for sleep, I heard a howl from deep in the woods. It rose like a song until I was sure it was all I could ever want to sing. It went on and on and all I could think of was home, home, home.”

— T.J. Klune

223. “Ox,” he said, a hint of his wolf poking through, eyes flashing. “Anything you’d like to tell me?” “No,” I said quickly. “Absolutely not.” “You sure about that?” he asked, his grip on my elbow tightening. I just barely managed to pull my arm free. “I’m hungry,” I said, voice rough. “We should – ” “Sure,” he said. “Let’s go.” I blinked. He smiled at me. My heart stuttered a bit. The smile widened. No.”

— T.J. Klune

224. “Stick with something basic that is guaranteed to kill any and all arousal like Fox News.”

— T.J. Klune

225. “Arthur says that we should always make time for the things we like,” Talia said. “If we don’t, we might forget how to be happy. Are you not happy, Mr. Baker?”

— T.J. Klune

226. “I had to remind myself it was illegal to murder dragons.”

— T.J. Klune

227. “Why?” he cried. “Why the hell are you doing this? Why do you even care? Is it guilt? Is this your way of getting back at me? Do you really hate me that much? Why the hell are you doing this, Gordo? Now, after all this time, why are you doing this?” “It’s because I’m scared,” I said, voice breaking. “I love you, and I’m so scared I’m going to lose you.”

— T.J. Klune

228. “I winked at myself in the mirror and then realized that’s what douchebags did, so I vowed to never do it again. I.”

— T.J. Klune

229. “I needed to see him. To make sure he was okay. To tell him how sorry I was. That I never wanted to leave him. That I never wanted to be anywhere but by his side. All I ever wanted was to keep him safe. Ever since that first day on the road, when he spoke and moved like a little tornado, all I ever wanted was to make sure nothing ever happened to Joe Bennett. He was coming for me. I.”

— T.J. Klune

230. “Monsters are real. Magic is real. The world is a dark and frightening place and it’s all real.”

— T.J. Klune

231. “The more you beat down on a dog, the more it cowers when a hand is raised. If pushed hard enough, a dog might bite and snap, if only to protect itself.”

— T.J. Klune

232. “You were his, Ox. Even then. And he was yours.” I.”

— T.J. Klune

233. “I wish I could find that one person made for me so that way I can show them why I was made for them.”

— T.J. Klune

234. “Opinions are like sphincters in that most people have them, just some are louder than others and can be terribly messy if not handled correctly.”

— T.J. Klune

235. “Being gay is so hard,” he muttered. “Not only do you have to admit that, but then you have to find out what kind of gay you are. It’s all very confusing. It was so much easier when we played with Legos instead of dressing like leather cubs and pedo-bait.”

— T.J. Klune

236. “Calling me a freak doesn’t say anything about me, but it says all you need to know about the person hurling it like a grenade.”

— T.J. Klune

237. “So the real treasure was the friendships we made along the way?”

— T.J. Klune

238. “If we worry about the little things all the time, we run the risk of missing the bigger things.”

— T.J. Klune

239. “There’s still time left. The best thing I can do is to make the most of it.”

— T.J. Klune

240. “Queens,” Charlie muttered. “Can’t live with them, can’t shoot them because it would get glitter everywhere.”

— T.J. Klune

241. “You’ll have to warn them,” Mrs. Von Patterson said seriously. “When you go in there. Tell them this town is filled with cougars on the prowl. But that it’s definitely okay to feed the wild animals.” All three women curled their hands into claws, baring their teeth and hissing at him. “Bad touch,” Gus cried, trying to back away as they reached for him. “Bad touch!”

— T.J. Klune

242. “Chris pulled a small notepad from a pocket lining the inside of his jacket. He opened it, putting it on the table before him. He frowned, patting his outside pockets, before pulling out a stubby pencil that looked like it’d been gnawed on repeatedly. “Okay,” he said, opening the notepad to a fresh sheet of paper. “The meeting to get Gordo laid can now commence.”

— T.J. Klune

243. “They fear what they don’t understand. And that fear turns to hate for reasons I’m sure even they can’t begin to comprehend. And since they don’t understand the children, since they fear them, they hate them.”

— T.J. Klune

244. “Dammit. I liked my potential murderer.”

— T.J. Klune

245. “You can always judge a person by how they treat animals.”

— T.J. Klune

246. “Change starts with the voices of the few. I will be one of those few because they taught me how. And I know that I’m not alone.”

— T.J. Klune

247. “It’s never enough, is it? Time. We always think we have so much of it, but when it really counts, we don’t have enough at all.”

— T.J. Klune

248. “Sometimes, he thought to himself in a house in a cerulean sea, you were able to choose the life you wanted. And if you were of the lucky sort, sometimes that life chose you back.”

— T.J. Klune

249. “I said something I’d been thinking for a long while, “This guy came into work. I thought he was attractive. I check out guys sometimes.” It came out fast because that was the first time I’d said it aloud. It felt like relief. And terror. Carter.”

— T.J. Klune

250. “WE GOT to my work, and I let the Kid go with a list while I went to the office to check the schedule for the coming week. I was off tomorrow and didnt have to be in till the afternoon of the day after. That was good. It either left me with enough time to grovel on my knees for forgiveness from Otter, which would hopefully lead to me needing to be on my knees for other reasons, or it would give me enough time to find the nearest bridge to jump off of when he rejected me.”

— T.J. Klune