Top 500 Terry Pratchett Quotes (2026 Update)
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201. “In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.”

— Terry Pratchett

202. “An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life.”

— Terry Pratchett

203. “All he knew was that you couldn’t hope to try for the big stuff, like world peace and happiness, but you might just about be able to achieve some tiny deed that’d make the world, in a small way, a better place. Like shooting someone.”

— Terry Pratchett

204. “The mountains of madness have many little plateau of sanity.”

— Terry Pratchett

205. “The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.”

— Terry Pratchett

206. “He’s out of his depth on a wet pavement.”

— Terry Pratchett

207. “All was black, gloomy and awful. There was no light at the end of the tunnel – or if there was, it was an oncoming train.”

— Terry Pratchett

208. “Just because you can explain it doesn’t mean it’s not still a miracle.”

— Terry Pratchett

209. “No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect.”

— Terry Pratchett

210. “A good man will kill you with hardly a word.”

— Terry Pratchett

211. “The conflict is not between Christianity and Islam or between East and West – instead, it is between stupid people and other stupid people.”

— Terry Pratchett

212. “Happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in.”

— Terry Pratchett

213. “Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because – what with trolls and dwarfs and so on – speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.”

— Terry Pratchett

214. “I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.”

— Terry Pratchett

215. “Don’t be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.”

— Terry Pratchett

216. “The Kraken stirs. And ten billion sushi dinners cry out for vengeance.”

— Terry Pratchett

217. “I am death, not taxes. I turn up only once.”

— Terry Pratchett

218. “Science fiction is fantasy with bolts painted on outside.”

— Terry Pratchett

219. “Gods play games with the fates of men. But first they have to get all the pieces on the board and look all over the place for the dice.”

— Terry Pratchett

220. “The truth isn’t easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find.”

— Terry Pratchett

221. “They think written words are even more powerful,’ whispered the toad. ‘They think all writing is magic. Words worry them. See their swords? They glow blue in the presence of lawyers.”

— Terry Pratchett

222. “The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated.”

— Terry Pratchett

223. “Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.”

— Terry Pratchett

224. “My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.”

— Terry Pratchett

225. “Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself.”

— Terry Pratchett

Featured in: Fun Quotes

226. “Few things are hidden from a quiet child with good eyesight.”

— Terry Pratchett

227. “Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.”

— Terry Pratchett

228. “When you stand between two mirrors you’re spread out among the images, your whole soul is pulled out thin, and somewhere in the distant images a dark part of you might get out and come looking for you, if you aren’t careful.”

— Terry Pratchett

229. “Fascism may be good at making the trains run on time, but you wouldn’t like some of the destinations.”

— Terry Pratchett

Featured in: Destination Quotes

230. “Most modern fantasy just rearranges the furniture in Tolkien’s attic.”

— Terry Pratchett

231. “When I am old I shall wear midnight.”

— Terry Pratchett

232. “The world is a globe – the farther you sail, the closer to home you are.”

— Terry Pratchett

233. “Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.”

— Terry Pratchett

234. “The price of being the best is having to be the best.”

— Terry Pratchett

235. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, if you ever find anything I wouldn’t do.”

— Terry Pratchett

236. “Stand before your god, bow before your king, kneel before your man.”

— Terry Pratchett

237. “I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”

— Terry Pratchett

238. “Demons were like genies or philosophy professors – if you didn’t word things exactly right, they delighted in giving you absolutely accurate and completely misleading answers.”

— Terry Pratchett

239. “Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to be one with an apple corer.”

— Terry Pratchett

240. “This isn’t life in the fast lane, it’s life in the oncoming traffic.”

— Terry Pratchett

241. “The senior wizard in a world of magic had the same prospects of long-term employment as a pogo stick tester in a minefield.”

— Terry Pratchett

242. “Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.”

— Terry Pratchett

243. “I’m a witch. It’s what we do. When it’s nobody else’s business, it’s my business.”

— Terry Pratchett

244. “Good or bad, do it as you. Too many lies and there’s no truth to go back to.”

— Terry Pratchett

245. “Maybe the only significant difference between a really smart simulation and a human being was the noise they made when you punched them.”

— Terry Pratchett

246. “Sometimes I feel that the world is made up of sensible people who know the plot and bloody idiots who don’t.”

— Terry Pratchett

247. “If you really want to upset a witch, do her a favor which she has no means of repaying. The unfulfilled obligation will nag at her like a hangnail.”

— Terry Pratchett

248. “I tell you, commander, it’s true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they’re doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved.”

— Terry Pratchett

249. “Sometimes the only thing you could do for people was to be there.”

— Terry Pratchett

250. “When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth.”

— Terry Pratchett