Create Yours

Top 180 W. C. Fields Quotes (2025 Update)
Page 2 of 4

W. C. Fields Quote: “There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I can do anything I want to do!”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I’d rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world’s smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!”
W. C. Fields Quote: “How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil’ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon – and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Never give a sucker an even break.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you’ve used up all the other four-letter words.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “It is funnier to bend things than to break them.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “If I ever found a church that didn’t believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I was married once – in San Francisco. I haven’t seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There’s no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren’t all bad.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I’m looking for loopholes.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Never mind what I told you – you do as I tell you.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house unless they have a well-stocked bar.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn’t.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn’t travel far to find a girl.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Beds are dangerous. More people die in bed than anywhere else.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “There are only two real ways to get ahead today – sell liquor or drink it.”
PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT
Funny Quotes
Strong Quotes
Real Quotes
Sarcastic Quotes
Truth Quotes
Hilarious Quotes
Crazy Quotes
Book Quotes
Firsts Quotes
Demotivational Quotes
Haters Quotes
Motivational Quotes

Beautiful Wallpapers and Images

We hope you enjoyed our collection of 180 W. C. Fields Quotes.

All the images on this page were created with QuoteFancy Studio.

Use QuoteFancy Studio to create high-quality images for your desktop backgrounds, blog posts, presentations, social media, videos, posters, and more.

Learn more