Top 100

Top 180 W. C. Fields Quotes (2024 Update)

W. C. Fields Quote: “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
W. C. Fields Quote: “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Never work with animals or children.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “You can’t cheat an honest man.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “You can fool some of the people some of the time – and that’s enough to make a decent living.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose – to make people laugh.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!”
W. C. Fields Quote: “If there’s a will, prosperity can’t be far behind.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an ax.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I drink therefore I am.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I’ve never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “It’s what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.”
W. C. Fields Quote: “There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.”
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