Top 180 Aziz Ansari Quotes (2024 Update)
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Aziz Ansari Quote: “If you were in a bar, would you ever go up to a guy or girl and repeat the word “hey” without getting a response? Would you ever go up to a woman you met two minutes ago and beg her to show you one of your boobs? And do you really want to bone someone who responds to this?”

151. “If you were in a bar, would you ever go up to a guy or girl and repeat the word “hey” without getting a response? Would you ever go up to a woman you met two minutes ago and beg her to show you one of your boobs? And do you really want to bone someone who responds to this?”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “I asked if this was maybe a very, very lame, roundabout dinner-date invitation – to ask her to come over for cabbage. “No, he was really asking me how to cook cabbage,” she moaned. The same guy e-mailed her a few days later with this gem, and again, this is not a joke: “I recently got my futon wet and put it outside to dry, but it got caught in the rain, so now it’s wet again.”

152. “I asked if this was maybe a very, very lame, roundabout dinner-date invitation – to ask her to come over for cabbage. “No, he was really asking me how to cook cabbage,” she moaned. The same guy e-mailed her a few days later with this gem, and again, this is not a joke: “I recently got my futon wet and put it outside to dry, but it got caught in the rain, so now it’s wet again.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “We have two selves: a real-world self and a phone self, and the nonsense our phone selves do can make our real-world selves look like idiots... Act like a dummy with your phone self aand send some thoughtless message full of spelling errors, and the real-world self will pay the price.”

153. “We have two selves: a real-world self and a phone self, and the nonsense our phone selves do can make our real-world selves look like idiots... Act like a dummy with your phone self aand send some thoughtless message full of spelling errors, and the real-world self will pay the price.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Finding someone today is probably more complicated and stressful than it was for previous generations – but you’re also more likely to end up with someone you are really excited about.”

154. “Finding someone today is probably more complicated and stressful than it was for previous generations – but you’re also more likely to end up with someone you are really excited about.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “If you live a responsible life, you’ll run into responsible people.”

155. “If you live a responsible life, you’ll run into responsible people.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Another poll, from Gallup, found that infidelity is more universally disapproved of than polygamy, animal cloning, and suicide.11 So if there were two guys at a bar, one cheating on his wife and another with a cloned pig named Bootsie, it would be the cheater, not Bootsie the pig, getting more disapproving looks.”

156. “Another poll, from Gallup, found that infidelity is more universally disapproved of than polygamy, animal cloning, and suicide.11 So if there were two guys at a bar, one cheating on his wife and another with a cloned pig named Bootsie, it would be the cheater, not Bootsie the pig, getting more disapproving looks.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “She felt HORRIBLE. It was the greatest Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever received.”

157. “She felt HORRIBLE. It was the greatest Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever received.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “No offense, but at this point let’s take a moment to be thankful we are neither of the people in that relationship.”

158. “No offense, but at this point let’s take a moment to be thankful we are neither of the people in that relationship.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Waiting for true love was a luxury that many, especially women, could not afford.”

159. “Waiting for true love was a luxury that many, especially women, could not afford.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “We want something that’s very passionate, or boiling, from the get-go. In the past, people weren’t looking for something boiling; they just needed some water. Once they found it and committed to a life together, they did their best to heat things up. Now, if things aren’t boiling, committing to marriage seems premature.”

160. “We want something that’s very passionate, or boiling, from the get-go. In the past, people weren’t looking for something boiling; they just needed some water. Once they found it and committed to a life together, they did their best to heat things up. Now, if things aren’t boiling, committing to marriage seems premature.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Think about where you grew up as a kid, your apartment building or your neighborhood. Could you imagine being married to one of those clowns?”

161. “Think about where you grew up as a kid, your apartment building or your neighborhood. Could you imagine being married to one of those clowns?”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Having a husband and kids isn’t a prerequisite to having a well-rounded, fulfilling adult life anymore.”

162. “Having a husband and kids isn’t a prerequisite to having a well-rounded, fulfilling adult life anymore.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Making sure the person shared your interest in sushi and Wes Anderson movies and made you get a boner anytime you touched her hair would seem far too picky. Of course, people did get married because they loved each other, but their expectations about what love would bring were different from those we hold today.”

163. “Making sure the person shared your interest in sushi and Wes Anderson movies and made you get a boner anytime you touched her hair would seem far too picky. Of course, people did get married because they loved each other, but their expectations about what love would bring were different from those we hold today.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “He said, “A lot of times you’re in these situations and you second-guess the things you said, did, or wrote, but sometimes it just has to do with something on their end that you have no clue about.”

164. “He said, “A lot of times you’re in these situations and you second-guess the things you said, did, or wrote, but sometimes it just has to do with something on their end that you have no clue about.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Too busy to write me back, but she has time to post a photo of some deer she saw on a hike?”

165. “Too busy to write me back, but she has time to post a photo of some deer she saw on a hike?”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Oh, I’m sure he’s much more intelligent and thoughtful in person. This is just his “lazy phone persona.”

166. “Oh, I’m sure he’s much more intelligent and thoughtful in person. This is just his “lazy phone persona.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Why do we all say we prefer honesty but rarely give that courtesy to others? Maybe in our hearts we all want to give others honesty, but in practice it’s just too damn hard. Honesty is confrontational. Crafting the ‘honest’ message takes a lot of time and thought. And no matter how delicately you do it, it feels cold and mean to reject someone. It’s just easier on many levels to say nothing or pretend to be busy until people get the picture.”

167. “Why do we all say we prefer honesty but rarely give that courtesy to others? Maybe in our hearts we all want to give others honesty, but in practice it’s just too damn hard. Honesty is confrontational. Crafting the ‘honest’ message takes a lot of time and thought. And no matter how delicately you do it, it feels cold and mean to reject someone. It’s just easier on many levels to say nothing or pretend to be busy until people get the picture.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “If you subscribe to Sherry Turkle’s argument that the prevalence of text-based communications is leading to a decline in face-to-face conversations and the skills to conduct them, the shift makes total sense.”

168. “If you subscribe to Sherry Turkle’s argument that the prevalence of text-based communications is leading to a decline in face-to-face conversations and the skills to conduct them, the shift makes total sense.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Some are clearly so confused that they have taken to wearing fedoras. A difficult period indeed.”

169. “Some are clearly so confused that they have taken to wearing fedoras. A difficult period indeed.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “So you’re going to horrible places and meeting horrible people and you’re complaining about it? Live your life like a decent person. Go to the grocery store, buy your own food, take care of yourself. If you live a responsible life, you’ll run into responsible people,” he said.”

170. “So you’re going to horrible places and meeting horrible people and you’re complaining about it? Live your life like a decent person. Go to the grocery store, buy your own food, take care of yourself. If you live a responsible life, you’ll run into responsible people,” he said.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “When you found someone you liked, you jumped into a relationship. I don’t think we thought, Well, there are another twelve doors or another seventeen doors or another four hundred and thirty-three doors,” she said. “We saw a door we wanted, and so we took it.” Now, look at my generation. We’re in a hallway with millions of doors. That’s a lot of doors.”

171. “When you found someone you liked, you jumped into a relationship. I don’t think we thought, Well, there are another twelve doors or another seventeen doors or another four hundred and thirty-three doors,” she said. “We saw a door we wanted, and so we took it.” Now, look at my generation. We’re in a hallway with millions of doors. That’s a lot of doors.”

— Aziz Ansari

172. “As we see more and more people online, it can get difficult to remember that behind every text message, OkCupid profile, and Tinder picture there’s an actual living, breathing, complex person, just like you.”

— Aziz Ansari

173. “Much of online dating, Finkel and company argued, is based on the faulty notion that the kind of information we can see in a profile is actually useful in determining whether that person would make a good partner.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Want to know what’s filling up the phones of nearly every single woman? It’s this: “Hey,” “Hey!” Heyyy!!” “Hey what’s going?” “Wsup,” “Wsup!” “What’s going on?” “Whatcha up to?”

174. “Want to know what’s filling up the phones of nearly every single woman? It’s this: “Hey,” “Hey!” Heyyy!!” “Hey what’s going?” “Wsup,” “Wsup!” “What’s going on?” “Whatcha up to?”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “For example, in a topic we’ll revisit in more depth later, breaking up with someone via text seems pretty brutal to people of my generation, but when we interviewed younger people, several said their breakups happened exclusively by text. For younger generations, who knows what texts lie ahead? THE.”

175. “For example, in a topic we’ll revisit in more depth later, breaking up with someone via text seems pretty brutal to people of my generation, but when we interviewed younger people, several said their breakups happened exclusively by text. For younger generations, who knows what texts lie ahead? THE.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “At one point during a focus group with older women, I asked them straight out whether a lot of women their age got married just to get out of the house. Every single woman there nodded.”

176. “At one point during a focus group with older women, I asked them straight out whether a lot of women their age got married just to get out of the house. Every single woman there nodded.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “When the older folks I interviewed described the reasons that they dated, got engaged to, and then married their eventual spouses, they’d say things like “He seemed like a pretty good guy,” “She was a nice girl;” “He had a good job,” and “She had access to doughnuts and I like doughnuts.”

177. “When the older folks I interviewed described the reasons that they dated, got engaged to, and then married their eventual spouses, they’d say things like “He seemed like a pretty good guy,” “She was a nice girl;” “He had a good job,” and “She had access to doughnuts and I like doughnuts.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “In the United States there’s an optimistic expectation that most people will remain faithful to their partner, but actual data show great numbers of people will not.”

178. “In the United States there’s an optimistic expectation that most people will remain faithful to their partner, but actual data show great numbers of people will not.”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Our romantic options are unprecedented and our tools to sort and communicate with them are staggering. And that raises the question: Why are so many people frustrated?”

179. “Our romantic options are unprecedented and our tools to sort and communicate with them are staggering. And that raises the question: Why are so many people frustrated?”

— Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quote: “Now you can be in bed with your spouse and ask, “Hey, honey, what are you looking at on your phone?” She could reply, “Oh, just reading this op-ed in the Times,” when she’s actually sending your neighbor a photo of her Mrs. Pouterson.”

180. “Now you can be in bed with your spouse and ask, “Hey, honey, what are you looking at on your phone?” She could reply, “Oh, just reading this op-ed in the Times,” when she’s actually sending your neighbor a photo of her Mrs. Pouterson.”

— Aziz Ansari

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