Top 200 Bob Hope Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world.”

— Bob Hope

52. “The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.”

— Bob Hope

53. “To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.”

— Bob Hope

54. “Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow – if Moscow has one.”

— Bob Hope

55. “As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn’t been touched by the war and blew it to hell.”

— Bob Hope

56. “No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.”

— Bob Hope

57. “Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.”

— Bob Hope

58. “You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.”

— Bob Hope

59. “Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.”

— Bob Hope

60. “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.”

— Bob Hope

61. “Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They’re even some guys wearing them. Don’t laugh, if you had thought to of that, you’d not be here now.”

— Bob Hope

62. “The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.”

— Bob Hope

63. “My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar – I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.”

— Bob Hope

64. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.”

— Bob Hope

65. “We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.”

— Bob Hope

66. “One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.”

— Bob Hope

67. “When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.”

— Bob Hope

68. “Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They’re all running for the Presidency.”

— Bob Hope

69. “I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.”

— Bob Hope

70. “I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.”

— Bob Hope

71. “Some people put us down. But I still haven’t heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!”

— Bob Hope

72. “I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.”

— Bob Hope

73. “I’m so old they’ve cancelled my blood type.”

— Bob Hope

74. “Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.”

— Bob Hope

75. “Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.”

— Bob Hope

76. “The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.”

— Bob Hope

77. “Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.”

— Bob Hope

78. “Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.”

— Bob Hope

79. “It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.”

— Bob Hope

80. “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”

— Bob Hope

81. “Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.”

— Bob Hope

82. “I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.”

— Bob Hope

83. “My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.”

— Bob Hope

84. “The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...”

— Bob Hope

85. “I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.”

— Bob Hope

86. “I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.”

— Bob Hope

87. “Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status. Here are some celebrity quotes about Christmas. You will find that just like everybody else, celebrities also enjoy the little pleasures of Christmas.”

— Bob Hope

88. “I’ll tell ’ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.”

— Bob Hope

89. “Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.”

— Bob Hope

90. “Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.”

— Bob Hope

91. “The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.”

— Bob Hope

92. “I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.”

— Bob Hope

93. “Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.”

— Bob Hope

94. “On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.”

— Bob Hope

95. “Lots of travel, away from home.”

— Bob Hope

96. “I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.”

— Bob Hope

97. “I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.”

— Bob Hope

98. “There’s a very apt saying in show business: “If you don’t go over budget in Paris, you’re either very rich or very sick. ””

— Bob Hope

99. “Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.”

— Bob Hope

100. “Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?”

— Bob Hope