Top 200 Bob Hope Quotes (2026 Update)
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51. “I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.”

— Bob Hope

52. “Television. That’s where movies go when they die.”

— Bob Hope

53. “Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.”

— Bob Hope

54. “The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.”

— Bob Hope

55. “I tell jokes to pay my green fees.”

— Bob Hope

56. “I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.”

— Bob Hope

57. “We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.”

— Bob Hope

58. “When you get over 95, every day is your day.”

— Bob Hope

59. “Golf is a funny game. It’s done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I’m the healthiest idiot in the world.”

— Bob Hope

60. “The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.”

— Bob Hope

61. “To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.”

— Bob Hope

62. “As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn’t been touched by the war and blew it to hell.”

— Bob Hope

63. “Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.”

— Bob Hope

64. “You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.”

— Bob Hope

65. “Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.”

— Bob Hope

66. “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.”

— Bob Hope

67. “My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar – I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.”

— Bob Hope

68. “The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.”

— Bob Hope

69. “Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They’re even some guys wearing them. Don’t laugh, if you had thought to of that, you’d not be here now.”

— Bob Hope

70. “When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.”

— Bob Hope

71. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.”

— Bob Hope

72. “One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.”

— Bob Hope

73. “We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.”

— Bob Hope

74. “I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.”

— Bob Hope

75. “Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.”

— Bob Hope

76. “I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.”

— Bob Hope

77. “The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.”

— Bob Hope

78. “Some people put us down. But I still haven’t heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!”

— Bob Hope

79. “I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.”

— Bob Hope

80. “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”

— Bob Hope

81. “Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.”

— Bob Hope

82. “Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.”

— Bob Hope

83. “I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.”

— Bob Hope

84. “It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.”

— Bob Hope

85. “Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.”

— Bob Hope

86. “I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.”

— Bob Hope

87. “The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.”

— Bob Hope

88. “My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.”

— Bob Hope

89. “I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.”

— Bob Hope

90. “I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”

— Bob Hope

91. “I’ll tell ’ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.”

— Bob Hope

92. “The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...”

— Bob Hope

93. “Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.”

— Bob Hope

94. “Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status. Here are some celebrity quotes about Christmas. You will find that just like everybody else, celebrities also enjoy the little pleasures of Christmas.”

— Bob Hope

95. “I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.”

— Bob Hope

96. “Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.”

— Bob Hope

97. “President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.”

— Bob Hope

98. “Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.”

— Bob Hope

99. “Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.”

— Bob Hope

100. “Lots of travel, away from home.”

— Bob Hope