Top 200 Bob Hope Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!”

— Bob Hope

102. “Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.”

— Bob Hope

103. “I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.”

— Bob Hope

104. “I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”

— Bob Hope

105. “It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.”

— Bob Hope

106. “Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.”

— Bob Hope

107. “Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.”

— Bob Hope

108. “Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren’t penalized for being on grass.”

— Bob Hope

109. “They’ll always be an England, even if it’s in Hollywood.”

— Bob Hope

110. “Today’s ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music.”

— Bob Hope

111. “Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.”

— Bob Hope

112. “I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.”

— Bob Hope

113. “My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he’s lost it. The string came off!”

— Bob Hope

114. “When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.”

— Bob Hope

115. “A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.”

— Bob Hope

116. “Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.”

— Bob Hope

117. “In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.”

— Bob Hope

118. “I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere in England.”

— Bob Hope

119. “Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.”

— Bob Hope

120. “A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.”

— Bob Hope

121. “Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.”

— Bob Hope

122. “Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.”

— Bob Hope

123. “President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.”

— Bob Hope

124. “All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.”

— Bob Hope

125. “Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.”

— Bob Hope

126. “A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?”

— Bob Hope

127. “Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.”

— Bob Hope

128. “Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn’t be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.”

— Bob Hope

129. “The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.”

— Bob Hope

130. “Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.”

— Bob Hope

131. “I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”

— Bob Hope

132. “It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.”

— Bob Hope

133. “Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.”

— Bob Hope

134. “I have this terrific make-up man. But he’s expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.”

— Bob Hope

135. “Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.”

— Bob Hope

136. “I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.”

— Bob Hope

137. “You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.”

— Bob Hope

138. “The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.”

— Bob Hope

139. “Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.”

— Bob Hope

140. “Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.”

— Bob Hope

141. “It’s a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he’s dead.”

— Bob Hope

142. “Whenever I play with him, I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.”

— Bob Hope

143. “It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.”

— Bob Hope

144. “You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.”

— Bob Hope

145. “Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.”

— Bob Hope

146. “Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.”

— Bob Hope

147. “I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.”

— Bob Hope

148. “At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.”

— Bob Hope

149. “Isn’t it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?”

— Bob Hope

150. “You’ve got to be rich to have a swing like that.”

— Bob Hope