Top 200 Bob Hope Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.”

— Bob Hope

152. “Whenever I play with him, I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.”

— Bob Hope

153. “Isn’t it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?”

— Bob Hope

154. “You’ve got to be rich to have a swing like that.”

— Bob Hope

155. “And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn’t know that in America after the war, you wouldn’t be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.”

— Bob Hope

156. “I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.”

— Bob Hope

157. “In his prime, the young comic walked onto a stage with the confidence of a man who owned it, and by the time he walked off, he did.”

— Bob Hope

158. “The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.”

— Bob Hope

159. “Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.”

— Bob Hope

160. “I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.”

— Bob Hope

161. “Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.”

— Bob Hope

162. “I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.”

— Bob Hope

163. “The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.”

— Bob Hope

164. “There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.”

— Bob Hope

165. “If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.”

— Bob Hope

166. “Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.”

— Bob Hope

167. “Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself – the Bank of America.”

— Bob Hope

168. “I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.”

— Bob Hope

169. “For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green.”

— Bob Hope

170. “Eisenhower admitted that the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days – whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.”

— Bob Hope

171. “I have too much money invested in sweaters.”

— Bob Hope

172. “Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.”

— Bob Hope

173. “I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.”

— Bob Hope

174. “He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England.”

— Bob Hope

175. “Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.”

— Bob Hope

176. “It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.”

— Bob Hope

177. “The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.”

— Bob Hope

178. “America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.”

— Bob Hope

179. “Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life. She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.”

— Bob Hope

180. “The only time to believe any kind of rating is when it shows you at the top.”

— Bob Hope

181. “If I had that kind of money, I wouldn’t come to Vietnam, I’d send for it.”

— Bob Hope

182. “The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.”

— Bob Hope

183. “Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.”

— Bob Hope

184. “England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.”

— Bob Hope

185. “She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn’t understand us at all.”

— Bob Hope

186. “I’ve been playing golf a long time, although it’s not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.”

— Bob Hope

187. “If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they let you live.”

— Bob Hope

188. “I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.”

— Bob Hope

189. “A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.”

— Bob Hope

190. “You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.”

— Bob Hope

191. “You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you’re turning the pages.”

— Bob Hope

192. “Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.”

— Bob Hope

193. “I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.”

— Bob Hope

194. “The place was so British, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.”

— Bob Hope

195. “That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.”

— Bob Hope

196. “Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.”

— Bob Hope

197. “I made so many B pictures I began to get fan mail from hornets... and for me that was an improvement.”

— Bob Hope

198. “A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.”

— Bob Hope

199. “It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.”

— Bob Hope

200. “Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.”

— Bob Hope