Top 200 Chris Rock Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.”

— Chris Rock

52. “I love having somebody there – that companion thing. You know who you’re going to eat with, who you’re going to see a movie with.”

— Chris Rock

53. “You know you’re rich when you have to drive for a half hour to get to your house once you’re on your property.”

— Chris Rock

54. “Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.”

— Chris Rock

55. “If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it’s not that smart.”

— Chris Rock

56. “I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it’s like, what? You want no Comedy Central?”

— Chris Rock

57. “Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you’re up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.”

— Chris Rock

58. “If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah’s money he’d jump out the window.”

— Chris Rock

59. “I saw the yearbook picture. There was six of them! I ain’t have six friends in high school, I don’t have six friends now! That’s three on three with a half court.”

— Chris Rock

60. “I got love from my family. I don’t really need love from a paper, you know what I mean? I can’t get too happy because somebody said something nice about me. I appreciate it, but let’s not get it twisted – this is not changing my life.”

— Chris Rock

61. “I don’t need a president with a bucket list!”

— Chris Rock

62. “When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them, you’re meeting their representative.”

— Chris Rock

63. “And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don’t gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! “I believe you have my property!””

— Chris Rock

64. “I was at Michael Jackson’s house, and this kid runs out, ‘Wait, save me!’”

— Chris Rock

65. “If you’re black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.”

— Chris Rock

66. “I believe you have my property!”

— Chris Rock

67. “Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a black woman, he’s a black man.”

— Chris Rock

68. “The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.”

— Chris Rock

69. “I always say about my daughters, they save me from my miserable self. They take me out, you know, a comedian, you could live in your head a lot. And you’re writing and you’re doubting. But when I’m with my kids and my family, it’s all about them.”

— Chris Rock

70. “They don’t want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn’t vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.”

— Chris Rock

71. “You can’t be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.”

— Chris Rock

72. “Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.”

— Chris Rock

73. “No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.”

— Chris Rock

74. “Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.”

— Chris Rock

75. “Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You’re a comedian; you’re not just a Black comedian. You’re a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.”

— Chris Rock

76. “No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, ‘Hey, man, women are crazy,’ you’ve got a friend.”

— Chris Rock

77. “A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.”

— Chris Rock

78. “You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”

— Chris Rock

79. “I just remember that whenever I got really mad or passionate, like in an argument, people would laugh, and I’d be dead serious. It would happen a lot. So it was like, Gee, I’ve got something here.”

— Chris Rock

80. “So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress.”

— Chris Rock

81. “If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.”

— Chris Rock

82. “If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!”

— Chris Rock

83. “Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.”

— Chris Rock

84. “Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.”

— Chris Rock

85. “When you’re doing a big-budget movie and you’re four on the call sheet, you’ve got a lot of free time.”

— Chris Rock

86. “I live way below my means.”

— Chris Rock

87. “When you make drama you are like Picasso. Drama is whatever you want it to be.”

— Chris Rock

88. “George Bush hates midgets.”

— Chris Rock

89. “It’s my real name. My mother’s name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.”

— Chris Rock

90. “Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.”

— Chris Rock

91. “One of my daughters told me the other day, “Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy.” I told her, “Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?””

— Chris Rock

92. “Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.”

— Chris Rock

93. “I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like “How do I make this stuff funny?””

— Chris Rock

94. “The only plan I have is to not do anything I don’t want to do – and to never work just for money.”

— Chris Rock

95. “You can’t think the thoughts you want to think if you think you’re being watched.”

— Chris Rock

96. “The thing I try to get across to the writers – and I do a lot of writing, too – is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny.”

— Chris Rock

97. “If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! “This is a rap killing. Let’s go home!””

— Chris Rock

98. “Community college is like a disco with books: “Here’s ten dollars; let me get my learn on!””

— Chris Rock

99. “A black Christian is like a black person with no memory.”

— Chris Rock

100. “Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who’s better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!”

— Chris Rock