Top 200 Chris Rock Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I’d always end up broken down on the highway. When I stood there trying to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But when I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself – people like to see that.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Motivational Quotes

2. “Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Smart Quotes, Humor Quotes, Intelligence Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life

3. “Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options.”

— Chris Rock

4. “There’s math, and everything else is debatable!”

— Chris Rock

5. “You can only offend me if you mean something to me.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Bullying Quotes

6. “If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Real Quotes

7. “You can never make a woman happy, it’s impossible. I’ve never met a happy woman in my life. They’re always complaining about something.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Complaining Quotes

8. “Smart is knowing if you’re dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.”

— Chris Rock

9. “Don’t argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It’s impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense.”

— Chris Rock

10. “A man is only as faithful as his options.”

— Chris Rock

11. “I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they’d let me join the Ku Klux Klan!”

— Chris Rock

12. “God bless America, and no place else.”

— Chris Rock

13. “Black History Month is in the shortest month of the year, and the coldest-just in case we want to have a parade.”

— Chris Rock

14. “Women need food, water, and compliments That’s right. And an occasional pair of shoes.”

— Chris Rock

15. “I do what I can do when I can do it.”

— Chris Rock

16. “Men do not settle down. Men surrender.”

— Chris Rock

17. “You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.”

— Chris Rock

18. “Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.”

— Chris Rock

19. “Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.”

— Chris Rock

20. “Money is the best lotion in the world.”

— Chris Rock

21. “Stop the violence! Can’t we all just get along?”

— Chris Rock

22. “The government doesn’t want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs.”

— Chris Rock

23. “You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.”

— Chris Rock

24. “I met so many people after I got rich and famous, and I learned that you can’t ultimately trust people unless they were your friends when you were broke.”

— Chris Rock

25. “You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.”

— Chris Rock

26. “The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.”

— Chris Rock

27. “Why do people do yoga? To clear their minds? I embrace the clutter in my head.”

— Chris Rock

28. “If a kid calls his grandma “Mommy” and his mama “Pam”, he’s going to jail!”

— Chris Rock

29. “See, the Black man gotta fly to get to something the white man can walk to.”

— Chris Rock

30. “You could be married and bored or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Being Single Quotes

31. “You don’t pay taxes; they take them from your check. That’s not a payment – that’s a ’jack.”

— Chris Rock

32. “White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says “gun”? Congressional hearing.”

— Chris Rock

33. “When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they’re crazy, because ‘sacrifice’ infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.”

— Chris Rock

34. “Everything’s funny – in the right context and done by the right person.”

— Chris Rock

35. “Yeah, it’s unfair that you can get judged by something you didn’t do, but it’s also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn’t work for.”

— Chris Rock

36. “Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Quotes About Actors

37. “If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it’s not that smart.”

— Chris Rock

38. “When you’re white, the sky’s the limit. When you’re black, the limit’s the sky.”

— Chris Rock

39. “When I do stand-up, I’m basically doing a one-man show.”

— Chris Rock

40. “We got no wealthy black people. We got rich people. Shaq is rich. The guy who signs his checks is wealthy.”

— Chris Rock

41. “You know the world’s gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don’t want to go to war !”

— Chris Rock

42. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”

— Chris Rock

Featured in: Hilarious Quotes

43. “Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain’t got one.”

— Chris Rock

44. “If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.”

— Chris Rock

45. “You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you’re at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!”

— Chris Rock

46. “You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.”

— Chris Rock

47. “Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.”

— Chris Rock

48. “Unlike flying or astral projection, walking through walls is an earthbound pursuit...”

— Chris Rock

49. “Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.”

— Chris Rock

50. “You got a gun, you don’t have to work out.”

— Chris Rock