Top 200 Chris Rock Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “I always say there’s no more little girls, just boys with breasts. Girls act like boys nowadays. Teenage girls, they go after boys. They’re predatory just like boys. My goal is to keep my girls, girls.”

— Chris Rock

102. “We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.”

— Chris Rock

103. “Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?”

— Chris Rock

104. “There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn’t some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.”

— Chris Rock

105. “America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.”

— Chris Rock

106. “When you have kids, there’s no such thing as quality time. There’s just time. There’s no, ‘Ooh, his graduation’s better than going to the mall.’ It’s all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest – it’s all good.”

— Chris Rock

107. “I love my life, but I don’t think I’m any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.”

— Chris Rock

108. “It’s easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.”

— Chris Rock

109. “Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.”

— Chris Rock

110. “Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.”

— Chris Rock

111. “I can’t even put gas in my plane!”

— Chris Rock

112. “After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.”

— Chris Rock

113. “Yeah, I love being famous. It’s almost like being white, y’know?”

— Chris Rock

114. “My mother always says: “You know better, so you’ll be punished. Your friends don’t know better, so they won’t be punished. They can go snatch chains and they’ll be fine. But if you snatch chains, you’ll end up in jail because you know better.””

— Chris Rock

115. “Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession.”

— Chris Rock

116. “When you’ve been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you’re just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.”

— Chris Rock

117. “That’s a sure sign someone is going crazy – when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!”

— Chris Rock

118. “Early in my career it was very important that I gain the reputation. I haven’t been on the road in two or three years, but when I say tickets are on sale, I know they’re going to be gone, even if my movie bombed or my TV show sucked.”

— Chris Rock

119. “I’m happy if everybody else is. I’m a big brother, the oldest. If you’re happy and I’m not, I’m cool with that. If I’m happy and you’re not, I’m sad.”

— Chris Rock

120. “If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn’t been homeless for that long. A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.”

— Chris Rock

121. “Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn’t pay for the electricity, he’d pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.”

— Chris Rock

122. “Who’s judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!”

— Chris Rock

123. “When I do something good, the audience lets me know immediately. They laugh. That’s it.”

— Chris Rock

124. “If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I’d say, ‘You’re crazy!’”

— Chris Rock

125. “I know what you’re thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn’t tell jokes this is exactly what I’d be doing.”

— Chris Rock

126. “I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.”

— Chris Rock

127. “Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.”

— Chris Rock

128. “Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.”

— Chris Rock

129. “They’re working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I’m a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.”

— Chris Rock

130. “Most parts in comedy, they’re not really written for men. They’re written for, like, these boy-men.”

— Chris Rock

131. “You’re not famous unless people’s mothers know who you are. Everybody else, you think you’re famous, but you’re just hot, and heat cools off.”

— Chris Rock

132. “My mother is the kind of woman you don’t want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.”

— Chris Rock

133. “Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren’t free but I’m sure they enjoyed fireworks.”

— Chris Rock

134. “Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.”

— Chris Rock

135. “Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.”

— Chris Rock

136. “The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.”

— Chris Rock

137. “Black movies don’t have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That’s not a name, that’s just a location.”

— Chris Rock

138. “I’m looking forward to not being tired around my child. My father was tired a lot. I want to play ball with my child without having to grab my shoulder because I’m not physically fit. And I want to really teach my child and become his or her friend.”

— Chris Rock

139. “If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.”

— Chris Rock

140. “Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.”

— Chris Rock

141. “Success is just hanging out with my kids. I mean, I always say if you have options, you’re rich. To me, success is the fact that hey, I just did a movie and maybe I’ll do some stand up, maybe I’ll will write a book or maybe I will do a play.”

— Chris Rock

142. “Pretty girls have problems too.”

— Chris Rock

143. “The thing about having an audience right there laughing is that critics can write what they want, but the proof is right there in front of you.”

— Chris Rock

144. “I never had the confidence to say I was going to be in front of the camera as a comedian until I saw Eddie Murphy years later.”

— Chris Rock

145. “I’m an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.”

— Chris Rock

146. “You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who’s angrier than Toby Keith? He’s angrier than the average 10 rappers.”

— Chris Rock

147. “I’ve been married for 10 years and, you know, it’s hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.”

— Chris Rock

148. “Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.”

— Chris Rock

149. “It’s weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn’t really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can’t beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.”

— Chris Rock

150. “If you live below your means, you can turn down stuff all the time.”

— Chris Rock