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Christopher Moore Quotes
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Christopher Moore Quote: “A thousand years of torture rule, The knave who dares to harm a fool.” I.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “The devil was smaller and rather younger than I would have guessed. He danced barefoot around the fire as he stoked it in preparation for my torment. The fiend wore a tunic of rough linen, leaves and sticks clinging to it, and a bycocket hat with a single feather in the style of bow hunters back home in Blighty. Bit of a ginger fringe. Scrawny and pathetic, really, for the prince of bloody darkness.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “She doesn’t understand that a writer is a special creature – that I’m different from everyone else. I’m not saying I’m superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “As a teacher of fourth-graders in a public school, where corporal punishement was not allowed, she had years of violence stored up and was, truth be told, sort of enjoying letting it out on Kona, who she felt could have been the poster child for the failure of public education.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Anger is the spirits telling you that you are alive.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “While Alpha Males are often gifted with superior physical attributes – size, strength, speed, good looks – selected by evolution over the eons by the strongest surviving and, essentially, getting all the girls, the Beta Male gene has survived not by meeting and overcoming adversity, but by anticipating and avoiding it.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “I think I’m what they call a never-was.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “The dull always seek to be clever at the fool’s expense, to somehow repay him for his cutting wit, but never are they clever, and often they are cruel.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “I am not the blues, I am jazz. I want to be present in the moment, not wallow in it.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “They don’t cover what to do with a dead hooker. That’s a whole different program. Political science, I think.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Tits are flushing, ma’am,” said I. Well they were! If she was going to run around in the altogether, she needed to get control over her bubbly bits or she’d never master proper royal subterfuge and guile. “Bit of a tell, love, the pinkening of the knockers, on someone as fair as thou.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “When it appeared that even the most passive-aggressive attempts would not work, Charlie resorted to the ultimate Beta Male Attack, which was to tolerate Alvin and Mohammed’s presence, but to resent the hell out of them and drop snide remarks whenever he had the chance.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “You were supposed to empathize with your friend’s problem, but they were, after all, your friend’s problems...”
Christopher Moore Quote: “What the hell good was it to be the Lord of the Underworld if there was fuzz on your underdone toast.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “One of them hissed-not the hiss of a cat, a long, steady tone-more like the hiss of air escaping the rubber raft that is all that lies between you and a dark sea full of sharks, the hiss of your life leaking out at the seams.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Chinatown is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a wonton, and fried.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “It’s French,” she said. “They designed it like a zoo – you know, keep ’em in, but give everyone a good look at ’em...”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Minty Fresh made a motion with his hands of leveling, as if he were smoothing an imaginary tablecloth of calm over a counter constructed of contemporary freak-out.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Green eggs, or not green eggs? That is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to eat them in a box, with a fox –.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “What’s a Mennonite?” Vance asked. “Amish with blenders.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “So know this, little one. Whether you are the Messiah, or you become a rabbi, or even if you are nothing more than a farmer, here is the sum of all I can teach you, and all that I know: treat others as you would like to be treated. Can you remember that?”
Christopher Moore Quote: “This is the Marina. This is where you go between the fraternity or sorority house and your first divorce. Look around, except for our waitress, who I guarantee doesn’t live in this neighborhood, it’s all people who are completely self-absorbed without a shred of self-awareness.” “Wow, that’s harsh,” Mike said. “You haven’t served them,” Lily said.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “And I’ll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “So Now You’re Death: Here’s What You’ll Need.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “One can’t be free without action.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Fine, as the tailor said to the broke and naked knight, suit yourself.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Jealousy makes you feel bad, but God is jealous, so it must be good. Yet when a dog licks its balls it seems to enjoy it, but it must be bad under the law.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I’m asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Foul and magical fumes bubbled out of the kettle, like the flatulence of a dragon on a demon-only diet.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “She was an alien, really – a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine – and he didn’t understand anything about her species.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “He is angry when he leave today. Like bear,” said Mrs. Korjev, who was possessed of an atavistic compulsion toward ursine simile.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “The entire town of Monte Rio consisted of a gas station and a tire-flattened raccoon.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “He didn’t understand religion. It was like heroin or golf: He knew a lot of people did it, but he didn’t understand why.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “My ma had a record of that Moron Tallywacker Choir singin’ Christmas music. Sounded like someone hurtin’ a dog. I broke it and melted it on the radiator.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “I am not inclined to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment of the moment.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “From Dickens’s cockneys to Salinger’s phonies, from Kerouac’s beatniks to Cheech and Chong’s freaks, and on to hip hop’s homies, dialect has always been used as a way for generations to distinguish themselves.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? Seems like maybe it would make more sense to call in a SWAT team or Special Forces.” “That won’t work, isn’t Special Forces where everyone gets a hug?” Charlie called. “That’s the Special Olympics,” Rivera said over his shoulder.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “The visual conjured in Val’s mind – all that parched, wrinkled flesh in furious friction – culminated in flames, as if some giant cosmic Boy Scout had decided to rub two old people together to make a fire.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “In business, as in politics, the public is ever so tolerant of those who slime.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won’t even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them ‘parts-dropping-off challenged’ or something.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “You should never pass up an opportunity to be kind. You should never not thank someone. You should never not say something nice when you think it.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Die, thou badger-shagging spunk monkey,” said I.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Theophilus Crowe’s mobile phone played eight bars of “Tangled Up in Blue” in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “He always had a problem with the purity of others. Never his own.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Apologies, one loses perspective after spending a week in a brothel.”
Christopher Moore Quote: “Love without desire, or conditions, or limits – a pure and radiant glow in the heart that could make me giddy and sad and glorious all at once.”
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