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Christopher Moore Quotes

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Christopher Moore Quote: “People, generally, suck.”

People, generally, suck.

— Christopher Moore



Christopher Moore Quote: “Children see magic because they look for it.”

Children see magic because they look for it.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.”

You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “He was a writer and words were his weapons.”

He was a writer and words were his weapons.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes.  The place where logic and order go to die.”

Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.”

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.”

Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “I love you above all things, even pie.”

I love you above all things, even pie.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place.”

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place.

— Christopher Moore



Christopher Moore Quote: “Life is an irritation.”

Life is an irritation.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Nobody’s perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...”

Nobody’s perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.”

Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.”

I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell.”

Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “She’s so small, yet she contains so much evil.”

She’s so small, yet she contains so much evil.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?”

All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.”

She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “We know there’s going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.”

We know there’s going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Sometimes this high-tech world calls for low-tech solutions.”

Sometimes this high-tech world calls for low-tech solutions.

— Christopher Moore



Christopher Moore Quote: “Science, you don’t know, looks like magic.”

Science, you don’t know, looks like magic.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.”

Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “The pursuit of material gain is ultimately empty when measured against eternity.”

The pursuit of material gain is ultimately empty when measured against eternity.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “You’re going to break my heart, aren’t you?”

You’re going to break my heart, aren’t you?

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.”

Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “OMFGEIGHTPOUNDBABYJESUSONAPOGOSTICK WHAT?”

OMFGEIGHTPOUNDBABYJESUSONAPOGOSTICK WHAT?

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.”

An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man’s talents with his personality.”

It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man’s talents with his personality.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.”

How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”

I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Actually, orcas aren’t quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.”

Actually, orcas aren’t quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.”

She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.”

Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don’t always feel as if you’re nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.”

The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don’t always feel as if you’re nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Compliment but do not covet.”

Compliment but do not covet.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That’s what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.”

He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That’s what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Shoes off in the whale! And don’t try and make a break for the anus.”

Shoes off in the whale! And don’t try and make a break for the anus.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair...”

Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair...

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “After all the evidence is in – after you’ve run all the facts by everything you know – and you’re still lost, you have to do some things on faith.”

After all the evidence is in – after you’ve run all the facts by everything you know – and you’re still lost, you have to do some things on faith.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?”

Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “The gourney, the big file drawers of the dead, the instruments of dissection – this sure looked like the morgues in the movies. Something had gone seriously wrong while she slept.”

The gourney, the big file drawers of the dead, the instruments of dissection – this sure looked like the morgues in the movies. Something had gone seriously wrong while she slept.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “So nerds rule.”

So nerds rule.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “I’ve won Satan’s lottery.”

I’ve won Satan’s lottery.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “They were told what they wanted and they believed it. They can only keep their dream alive by being with others like themselves who will mirror their illusions.”

They were told what they wanted and they believed it. They can only keep their dream alive by being with others like themselves who will mirror their illusions.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “The Emperor decided to make a proclamation to his troops about the importance of compassion in the face of the rising tide of heinous fuckery and political weaselocity in the nearby kingdom of the United States.”

The Emperor decided to make a proclamation to his troops about the importance of compassion in the face of the rising tide of heinous fuckery and political weaselocity in the nearby kingdom of the United States.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.”

May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.”

It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.”

Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

— Christopher Moore


Christopher Moore Quote: “Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy.”

Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy.

— Christopher Moore

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