Top 300 Christopher Moore Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “People, generally, suck.”

— Christopher Moore

Featured in: Sarcastic Quotes, Quotes About People, Haters Quotes, Toxic People Quotes

2. “Children see magic because they look for it.”

— Christopher Moore

Featured in: Cute Quotes, Imagination Quotes, Quotes About Children, Magic Quotes

3. “You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.”

— Christopher Moore

4. “He was a writer and words were his weapons.”

— Christopher Moore

5. “Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.”

— Christopher Moore

6. “If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.”

— Christopher Moore

7. “That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.”

— Christopher Moore

8. “Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.”

— Christopher Moore

9. “Life is an irritation.”

— Christopher Moore

10. “I love you above all things, even pie.”

— Christopher Moore

11. “Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place.”

— Christopher Moore

12. “Nobody’s perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him...”

— Christopher Moore

13. “She’s so small, yet she contains so much evil.”

— Christopher Moore

14. “Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.”

— Christopher Moore

15. “I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.”

— Christopher Moore

16. “Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell.”

— Christopher Moore

17. “We know there’s going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.”

— Christopher Moore

18. “All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?”

— Christopher Moore

19. “Sometimes this high-tech world calls for low-tech solutions.”

— Christopher Moore

20. “Science, you don’t know, looks like magic.”

— Christopher Moore

21. “She gave him the wide, green-eyed expression that she would have described as I will slap you so far into next week that it will take a team of surgeons just to get Wednesday out of your ass.”

— Christopher Moore

22. “What you seek, you shall never find. For when the Gods made man, They kept immortality for themselves. Fill your belly. Day and night make merry, Let Days be full of joy. Love the child that holds your hand. Let your wife delight in your embrace. For these alone are the concerns of man. – The Epic of Gilgamesh.”

— Christopher Moore

23. “The pursuit of material gain is ultimately empty when measured against eternity.”

— Christopher Moore

24. “Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.”

— Christopher Moore

25. “You’re going to break my heart, aren’t you?”

— Christopher Moore

26. “Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy.”

— Christopher Moore

27. “Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.”

— Christopher Moore

28. “Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”

— Christopher Moore

29. “Shoes off in the whale! And don’t try and make a break for the anus.”

— Christopher Moore

30. “The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don’t always feel as if you’re nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.”

— Christopher Moore

31. “How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.”

— Christopher Moore

32. “OMFGEIGHTPOUNDBABYJESUSONAPOGOSTICK WHAT?”

— Christopher Moore

33. “An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture.”

— Christopher Moore

34. “It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man’s talents with his personality.”

— Christopher Moore

35. “Actually, orcas aren’t quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.”

— Christopher Moore

36. “She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.”

— Christopher Moore

37. “I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.”

— Christopher Moore

38. “Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind’s roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feed pulled to.”

— Christopher Moore

39. “There’s a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality – there’s mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin.”

— Christopher Moore

40. “Compliment but do not covet.”

— Christopher Moore

41. “Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.”

— Christopher Moore

42. “He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That’s what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.”

— Christopher Moore

43. “I’ve won Satan’s lottery.”

— Christopher Moore

44. “After all the evidence is in – after you’ve run all the facts by everything you know – and you’re still lost, you have to do some things on faith.”

— Christopher Moore

45. “Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?”

— Christopher Moore

46. “The gourney, the big file drawers of the dead, the instruments of dissection – this sure looked like the morgues in the movies. Something had gone seriously wrong while she slept.”

— Christopher Moore

47. “For me, ‘Lamb’ started out as a further exploration of the phenomenon of faith and the responsibility of a messiah that I touched on in ‘Coyote Blue’ and ‘Island of the Sequined Love Nun,’ but it ended up being an exploration of the true meaning of sacrifice, loyalty, and friendship.”

— Christopher Moore

48. “Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair...”

— Christopher Moore

49. “The Emperor decided to make a proclamation to his troops about the importance of compassion in the face of the rising tide of heinous fuckery and political weaselocity in the nearby kingdom of the United States.”

— Christopher Moore

50. “They were told what they wanted and they believed it. They can only keep their dream alive by being with others like themselves who will mirror their illusions.”

— Christopher Moore