Top 280 Eoin Colfer Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “Butler shot one of the half dozen diners a fierce glare, just in case she might be planning something. The woman must have been at least eighty.”

— Eoin Colfer

152. “They were in a position of total ignorance and people in that position often died without being enlightened.”

— Eoin Colfer

153. “Don’t feel bad; I regularly reduce people to unintelligible stammers.”

— Eoin Colfer

154. “Vinyaya was being openly antagonistic, and that was an emotion that could be trusted, unless of course it was a bluff and the commander was a secret fan of his, unless it was a double bluff and she really did feel antagonistic.”

— Eoin Colfer

155. “It’ll be messy, but after a day you’ll be zipping around as though you were a thousand years old again.”

— Eoin Colfer

156. “I always thought my intellect would keep me alive, but now I shall be killed by my own baby brother with a rock. The ultimate sibling rivalry.”

— Eoin Colfer

157. “The officer holstered his weapon, drawing out a set of cuffs.”

— Eoin Colfer

158. “Swear toads infested every damp patch, cursing like sailors.”

— Eoin Colfer

159. “We’re off again, I suppose,” said Mulch eventually. “Off on another save-the-world-nic-of-time-seat-of-your-pants adventure?”

— Eoin Colfer

160. “Holly: Seven and a half hours to save the world. Isn’t there some law that says we get twenty-four? Artemis: I don’t think Opal pays much attention to laws.”

— Eoin Colfer

161. “She had never heard Artemis sound so warm, so sincere. Usually emotional displays were difficult for the boy and he stumbled through them awkwardly. This wasn’t like him at all.”

— Eoin Colfer

162. “It is like the old fairy tale. The boy saves the princess; they fall in love. He invents a flying machine – along with his dashing teacher, of course. They get married and name their firstborn after the aforementioned dashing teacher.”

— Eoin Colfer

163. “Artemis put his decaf cappuccino down gently, so as not to rattle the saucer. “We’re at the Nice Library trying to dig up anything on this Minerva person. Perhaps we can find out if she has a villa near here.” “Glad to hear it,” said Holly. “I had visions of you two drinking tea at the beach while I sweat it out here.” Twenty yards from where Artemis was sitting, waves swirled along the beach like emerald paint poured from a bucket. “Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly.”

— Eoin Colfer

164. “Inside the mirrored elevator, Mulch used a telescopic pointer to push P for the penthouse. For the first few months he had jumped to reach the button, but that was undignified behavior for a millionaire. And besides, he was certain that Art could hear the thumping from the security desk.”

— Eoin Colfer

165. “Someone old enough to grasp the principles of commerce, yet young enough to believe in magic.”

— Eoin Colfer

166. “When you decide to die, Artemis thought sluggishly, it doesn’t matter how many people want to kill you.”

— Eoin Colfer

167. “But calling up magic when there were arrows flying and chunks of the countryside disappearing was about as easy as going to the toilet on command with a dozen people watching. Who all hated you.”

— Eoin Colfer

168. “She supposed this irritating bickering was how the males of every species showed affection.”

— Eoin Colfer

169. “Together we will be unstoppable. Your friend and benefactor, Artemis Fowl II.”

— Eoin Colfer

170. “I am exactly the right age for this project,” said Minerva. “I’m young enough to believe in magic and old enough to understand how it works.”

— Eoin Colfer

171. “Angeline, distraught over her son’s obsession and afraid of the effects of the past year on Artemis’s mind, signed her thirteen-year-old up for treatment with the school counselor. You have to feel sorry for him. The counselor, that is.”

— Eoin Colfer

172. “Root stood on the doorstep, palms up, the universal gesture for Look, I’m not carrying a big murderous weapon.”

— Eoin Colfer

173. “When life gives you a lemon, thought Teddy, slipping his fingers neatly into the weapon’s finger holes, you knock the lemon senseless.”

— Eoin Colfer

174. “Lawyers. Everyone should have one.”

— Eoin Colfer

175. “Artemis took a chance on some calculated sarcasm. “Really, Spiro. Did you think I would attempt a break-in? Perhaps you thought I would fly in here with my fairy friends and magic your box away?” Spiro laughed. “You can bring all the fairy friends you like, Arty-boy. Short of a miracle that Cube is staying right where it is.”

— Eoin Colfer

176. “Holly’s mouth was a tight line as she shook her head. “Navy rules, Butler. You’re on my boat, you follow my orders.” “As I remember, I brought the boat.” “Yes, thanks for bringing my boat.”

— Eoin Colfer

177. “Holly. In the name of all the gods, stop shooting energy into all-energy beings. Just how stupid are you? The bots quivered and meshed, growing larger and more aggressive.”

— Eoin Colfer

178. “She ran a quick search on Wicca-pedia and came across a brief summary:.”

— Eoin Colfer

179. “There was another thought, more persistent than the rest. It crashed into his mind like a tsunami: I have friends. Thought Artemis Fowl the Second.”

— Eoin Colfer

180. “Butler had an excuse for not being in Iceland that would hold up in any court of law and possibly even on a note for teacher.”

— Eoin Colfer

181. “A genius he may be, but he is still a habitual meddler and magnet for trouble.” The bodyguard winked at Artemis. “No offense, young sir, but you could turn a Sunday picnic into an international incident.”

— Eoin Colfer

182. “Dear Internet: One Billion Hysterical Opinions Do Not Carry the Weight of a Single Fact.”

— Eoin Colfer

183. “Artemis smiled grimly. And for a moment, he felt like his old, conniving self, before Holly and his mother had introduced him to their pesky moral codes.”

— Eoin Colfer

184. “It’s a strange feeling not to know who you are exactly.”

— Eoin Colfer

185. “That’s the last order I’ll ever give you Captain. Don’t you dare ignore it.”

— Eoin Colfer

186. “There will be consequences for this, he thought. You can’t alter time and not be affected. But whatever the consequences are, I will bear them, because the alternative is too terrible. -Artemis Fowl, The Lost Colony.”

— Eoin Colfer

187. “A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.”

— Eoin Colfer

188. “Sig Sauer. Nine millimetres. Thirteen in the magazine. Big bullets. One of these hits you and it could blow your head off; something even the magic can’t fix. Other than that you should be all right, presuming you remembered to wear the regulation above-ground micro-fibre jumpsuit recently patented by me. Then again, being a Recon jock, you probably didn’t.”

— Eoin Colfer

189. “Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, ‘Die alien scum’ he was saying feverishly...”

— Eoin Colfer

190. “Whatever their circumstances, people still had to eat, live, and love.”

— Eoin Colfer

191. “When you’ve come face-to-face with the dark side of the school yard, life doesn’t hold many surprises.”

— Eoin Colfer

192. “I often meet frustrated young writers who say they’ve only got so far and just can’t finish a book. Even if you don’t happen to use what you’ve worked on that day, it has taught you something and you’ll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again.”

— Eoin Colfer

193. “I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?”

— Eoin Colfer

194. “If Elmore Leonard met Jim Thompson down a dark alley at midnight they might emerge a week later with thick beards, bloodshot eyes and the manuscript for THE BIG O.”

— Eoin Colfer

195. “Ambition had a price, and that price was friendship.”

— Eoin Colfer

196. “Hey,” snapped Holly. “This is not the time to blame Artemis.” “Thank you,” said Artemis. “Finally.” “There will be plenty of time to blame Artemis later, when this is resolved.”

— Eoin Colfer

197. “He knew that Dr. Argon would advise him against bottling up his emotions as it would lead to psychological scarring in the long term.”

— Eoin Colfer

198. “I can’t imagine what they’re planning. But I can tell you two things. We won’t like it, and it won’t be legal.”

— Eoin Colfer

199. “HOLLY: Are you suggesting I occasionally stray from the rule book? FOALY: No. I’m suggesting you do not own a copy of the rule book, and if you do, you have certainly never opened it.”

— Eoin Colfer

200. “Cosmo sank into a near trancelike state. The events of the past few days bounced around his head like blobs of oil in a lava lamp. Who was he now? Cosmo Hill fugitive no-sponsor, or Cosmo Hill Supernaturalist? Who was Cosmo Hill anyhow? A product of Clarissa Frayne, with no personality to speak of. Fourteen years old and he had never kissed a girl.”

— Eoin Colfer