Top 280 Eoin Colfer Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Trust me. I’m a genius.”

— Eoin Colfer

Featured in: Silly Quotes, Crazy Quotes, Humor Quotes, Ego Quotes, Genius Quotes

2. “Together we will be unstoppable.”

— Eoin Colfer

3. “Confidence is ignorance. If you’re feeling cocky, it’s because there’s something you don’t know.”

— Eoin Colfer

4. “If I win, I’m a prodigy. If I lose, then I’m crazy. That’s the way history is written.”

— Eoin Colfer

5. “Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you’re told. – Artemis Fowl.”

— Eoin Colfer

6. “I don’t know what to believe, or who to trust.”

— Eoin Colfer

7. “Stay back, human. You don’t know what you’re dealing with.”

— Eoin Colfer

8. “I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.”

— Eoin Colfer

9. “Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers.”

— Eoin Colfer

10. “It’s like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.”

— Eoin Colfer

11. “D’Arvit!”

— Eoin Colfer

12. “A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.”

— Eoin Colfer

13. “Good. Illegal is always faster.”

— Eoin Colfer

14. “Listen to me, goblin. You’re stupid, let’s accept that and move on.”

— Eoin Colfer

15. “When the moment comes, will you take your chance to be a hero?”

— Eoin Colfer

16. “I’m not impressed.”

— Eoin Colfer

17. “How did that go?’ he asked. ‘Your first lengthy conversation with a girl your own age?’ ‘Fabulous,’ said Artemis, voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘We’re planning a June wedding.”

— Eoin Colfer

18. “You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he’s never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.”

— Eoin Colfer

19. “There’s nothing more dangerous than a short guy with something to prove.”

— Eoin Colfer

20. “We’re being lead by an idiot with a crayon.”

— Eoin Colfer

21. “Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?”

— Eoin Colfer

22. “A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that’s as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.”

— Eoin Colfer

23. “I’m the crazy girly captain, Remember?”

— Eoin Colfer

24. “If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it’s probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.”

— Eoin Colfer

25. “I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you’re dealing with idiots.”

— Eoin Colfer

26. “I have always loved ‘Stig of the Dump.’ I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.”

— Eoin Colfer

Featured in: Reading Quotes

27. “Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I’m sure one would be quite sufficient.”

— Eoin Colfer

28. “A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.”

— Eoin Colfer

29. “I’m right there with you, darlin’. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I’m way back in the Operations Room.”

— Eoin Colfer

30. “They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.”

— Eoin Colfer

31. “I don’t suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?”

— Eoin Colfer

32. “Well, I don’t like the first bit and I don’t know the last bit. So I’m really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.”

— Eoin Colfer

33. “Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud.”

— Eoin Colfer

34. “I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.”

— Eoin Colfer

35. “Artemis ducked. Cudgeon didn’t. Guess what? Artemis was smarter.”

— Eoin Colfer

36. “Why can’t we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?”

— Eoin Colfer

37. “Boo-hoo. Help me, I’m a girl. What kind of modern woman are you? A smart one.”

— Eoin Colfer

38. “Friendship isn’t a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.”

— Eoin Colfer

39. “The trick to negotiation was to hold all the cards going in and, even if you didn’t, to try to look as though you did.”

— Eoin Colfer

40. “Don’t try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox’s aura on your wonderstruck face.”

— Eoin Colfer

41. “Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.”

— Eoin Colfer

42. “It was funny how quickly a person’s priorities could change. This morning he had been worried about which loafers to wear with his suit, and now all he could think about was the fact that his dearest friend’s life hung in the balance, And the balance was rapidly shifting.”

— Eoin Colfer

43. “Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.”

— Eoin Colfer

44. “And it’s amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.”

— Eoin Colfer

45. “The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.”

— Eoin Colfer

46. “What’s that supposed to mean? A wolf’s head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?”

— Eoin Colfer

47. “I have lived long enough to realize that there is no such thing as perfect love. That’s too long.”

— Eoin Colfer

48. “It was no time for mercy, it was time to terminate with extreme prejudice.”

— Eoin Colfer

49. “I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland. A line came to him: It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.”

— Eoin Colfer

50. “Any of these vultures smell weakness, and they’ll mess you up faster than sugar in a gas tank.”

— Eoin Colfer