Top 500 Ilona Andrews Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “Grendel waved his tail. Whatever horrors happened in his canine life, Grendel always bounced back with easy enthusiasm whenever some food made an appearance. A treat, a blanket in a nice warm house, an occasional pat on the head, and Grendel would be as happy as he could be. If only people were so easy.”

— Ilona Andrews

152. “He said he’d met a girl with stardust on her robe, and when he looked into her eyes, he saw the universe looking back.”

— Ilona Andrews

153. “If he full-out flexed, I would probably faint, or jump off the building.”

— Ilona Andrews

154. “Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shivering through the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod?”

— Ilona Andrews

155. “And those who love us most lie to us most of all, because life is a bumpy ride and they want to smooth it out as much as possible.”

— Ilona Andrews

156. “There is no such thing as privacy between a deity and his worshipper. There are no secrets, no glossed-over failures. Only promises kept and abandoned, sins committed and imagined, and raw emotion. How many of us are ready to have our lives judged? What would happen if we were found wanting?”

— Ilona Andrews

157. “Catalina,” Grandma Frida called out behind me. “When you’re done cutting up the body, call me. I’ll help you hide it.” I turned and looked at her. Grandma flexed her arm. “Ride or die.”

— Ilona Andrews

158. “I looked at Curran. “You killed an animal god and then you ate him?” “Maybe,” Curran said. “What do you mean maybe?”

— Ilona Andrews

159. “In my experience, the ex-military guys came in two types. The first grew long hair, sprouted beards, and indulged in all the things they hadn’t been able do while they’d been in the armed forces. The second did their best to pretend they never got out.”

— Ilona Andrews

160. “It’s not funny. I’ve got a naked drunk vampire running around in my orchard.”

— Ilona Andrews

161. “I gave him a smile. I was aiming for sweet, but he turned a shade paler and scooted a bit farther from me. Note to self: work more on sweet and less on psycho-killer.”

— Ilona Andrews

162. “Every time you see a problem and walk away from it, you set a new standard.”

— Ilona Andrews

163. “They’re fanatics. It’s like expecting humanity from a falling rock. It’s not going to have a fit of compassion and not crack your skull open.”

— Ilona Andrews

164. “If you can’t make it go away, wait it out.”

— Ilona Andrews

165. “It’s awful to be rich and mind-boggingly handsome and have women fawn over you. My heart bleeds for you. Poor dear, how do you manage?”

— Ilona Andrews

166. “You should’ve let me twist his head off,” Mahon said. “You can’t let people insult your wife, Curran. One day you’ll have to choose diplomacy or your spouse. I’m telling you now, it’s got to be your wife. Diplomacy doesn’t care if you live or die. Your wife does.”

— Ilona Andrews

167. “It fires .50 cal at twice the speed of sound. It will hit him before he ever hears the shot.” My mother crossed her arms. “I’d like to see him bounce that off his chest.”

— Ilona Andrews

168. “Grandma pointed her fork at me. “Just watch. Fate will throw you two together. One day you’ll just run right into him and boom! True love.”

— Ilona Andrews

169. “Yes, I’m sure, Augustine,” Mad Rogan said into the phone. “He didn’t caress my cheek softly with his calloused fingers, but I saw a male hand.”

— Ilona Andrews

170. “The lion opened his mouth, showing his big teeth. Yes, yes, you’re bad. We know, Your Majesty.”

— Ilona Andrews

171. “I stopped the blade two inches before it touched Andrea’s neck. Because she was my best friend, and sticking knives into your best friend’s windpipe was generally considered to be a social faux pas.”

— Ilona Andrews

172. “If you see a chance to be happy, you have to fight for it, so later you have no regrets.”

— Ilona Andrews

173. “On your best day, you’re only as good as I am on my worst with one arm tied behind my back.”

— Ilona Andrews

174. “Saved by the Sith.”

— Ilona Andrews

175. “Just to make sure the odd humanoid aberration doesn’t get away, always pin it through the nuts.”

— Ilona Andrews

176. “My ego doesn’t need soothing. I don’t want him soothing anything of mine, including you.”

— Ilona Andrews

177. “Every time I think you’ve reached the limits of arrogance, you show me new heights. Truly, your egotism is like the Universe – ever expanding.”

— Ilona Andrews

178. “Grandma Frida’s skinny legs in jeans stuck out from under the vehicle. To the right, Arabella lounged on.”

— Ilona Andrews

179. “Feel free to go over there and kick them while they’re down. When you’re done, tell them to clean everything up and head straight to the stables. Aunt Karen will be overjoyed to have two slaves for the next three weeks.”

— Ilona Andrews

180. “Butterflies were small and light, and very magic sensitive. For some reason I made them feel safe and they gravitated to me like iron shavings to a magnet. They ruined my ferocious badass image, but you’d have to be a complete beast to swat butterflies.”

— Ilona Andrews

181. “Arabella ran out of blackboard space, crouched, and began dividing on the floor. “This is what we get for teaching them Common Core,” one of the arbiters said. “There is nothing wrong with Common Core,” someone else said. Arabella.”

— Ilona Andrews

182. “He stepped forward, took a deep breath, and doubled over in a sneezing fit. My werewolf was allergic to tortoises. Why me?”

— Ilona Andrews

183. “Get up, dear. We do not let our enemies win. We claw their hearts out and devour them.”

— Ilona Andrews

184. “Does ice float?”

— Ilona Andrews

185. “Curran looked back at me. “Why is it you always attract creeps?” “You tell me.” Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.”

— Ilona Andrews

186. “Some people got vicious Dobermans. I got a shaved attack poodle in a black sweater. His tough, spawn-of-hell image had taken a fatal blow, but at least he would be warm.”

— Ilona Andrews

187. “I got my boots out of the closet, put them on, and buckled a belt with a knife on it around my waist under my robe. Baha-char was the place where you went to find things. Sometimes things found you instead and tried to take your money.”

— Ilona Andrews

188. “He seemed to shrug off the sun’s rays.”

— Ilona Andrews

189. “I got a dog-training book. It says Grendel needs mental stimulation, so I tried to train him, but I think he must be retarded.”

— Ilona Andrews

190. “Rene, you want us to find you-don’t-know-who and to retrieve his you-don’t-know-what for you-won’t-tell-me-whom?”

— Ilona Andrews

191. “Follow me,” Linus ordered. “And cheer up. We’re about to embark on a killing spree accompanied by massive property damage. Try to have fun.”

— Ilona Andrews

192. “I will always be there. I will walk across the whole planet if I have to.” I closed my eyes and whispered, “I’ll meet you halfway.”

— Ilona Andrews

193. “They broke him,” Jim said suddenly, a barely contained growl clawing at his words. “They broke the boy. Even if he survives, he’ll never be the same.”

— Ilona Andrews

194. “Children leave,” Ilemina told her. “It is the greatest tragedy of motherhood that if you have done everything right, if you have raised them in confidence and independence, they will pick up and leave you. It is as it’s meant to be.”

— Ilona Andrews

195. “In death, they all looked the same. This morning they spoke, they breathed, they kissed their loved ones good-bye. And now they lay dead. Gone forever.”

— Ilona Andrews

196. “I want to punish them. I want that punishment to be so hard, so vicious that the next who takes their place wets himself at the mere thought of trying to fight me.”

— Ilona Andrews

197. “Shapeshifter parenting motto – if your kid slit somebody’s throat, always have a backup plan to make the body disappear.”

— Ilona Andrews

198. “The sight of me puffing and straining apparently amused him to no end.”

— Ilona Andrews

199. “Society frowned on killing your best friend. In this case, it would just have to make an exception.”

— Ilona Andrews

200. “I wouldn’t want his demonic, undead-blood-smeared, wolf-smelling ass riding me either.”

— Ilona Andrews