Top 500 Ilona Andrews Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “I’m your father. That’s the great privilege of parenthood; we can comment on whatever we want.”

— Ilona Andrews

302. “This is blasphemy!” Odalon declared in the same way Gerard Butler had once roared “This is Sparta.” Sadly, Odalon had nobody to kick into a bottomless hole for emphasis, so he settled for looking extremely put out.”

— Ilona Andrews

303. “You will. You’ll fall asleep fast and sleep soundly until morning, and then you’ll get up and have breakfast with your family because I’ll be prowling in your house tonight. And if anyone tries to interrupt your sleep and end your life, you have my word that they’ll sleep forever.” That.”

— Ilona Andrews

304. “Life gives us precious few opportunities to put our best foot forward, so when a chance to shine presents itself, one should always take it.”

— Ilona Andrews

305. “The Scourge of Mexico and the most terrifying Prime in Houston unhinged his manly jaws and said the only thing he could, “Yes, Mother.”

— Ilona Andrews

306. “Tony looked at me with the long-suffering patience of an adult child who knew an educational lecture was coming and there was no way to escape. “One.”

— Ilona Andrews

307. “An unit is only as good as its leader. That’s why a good leader holds herself to the highest standard. It’s not about being liked or being fair. It’s about deciding what your goal is and doing what is necessary to achieve it. Especially when it’s difficult.”

— Ilona Andrews

308. “Anger – a better alternative to caffeine.”

— Ilona Andrews

309. “I wanted to punch the happy day in the face, grab it by the hair, and beat it until it told me what the hell it was so happy about.”

— Ilona Andrews

310. “Clothes don’t have magic powers, Derek. They don’t mystically protect you from three-inch claws, rapists, or murderers. If someone decides to hurt you, they will do so whether or not you have a thin layer of denim over your skin.”

— Ilona Andrews

311. “Ghastek stood by the floor-to-ceiling window, sipping coffee from a white mug that read, Graveyard Shift: We do it in the dark.”

— Ilona Andrews

312. “I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn’t melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena’s chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy.”

— Ilona Andrews

313. “I had the metabolism of a hummingbird on crack.”

— Ilona Andrews

314. “Curran is the Beast Lord. Tremble.”

— Ilona Andrews

315. “I wanted you to stop.” “I was encouraged by you breathlessly moaning my name.” I spun on my foot. “I wasn’t moaning your name. I was shrieking in alarm.” “That was the sexiest throaty shrieking I’ve ever heard.” “You need to get out more.”

— Ilona Andrews

316. “When some supernatural filth tries to carry off the children, call Roman so he can wade through blood and sewage to rescue them, but when it’s something nice like a wedding or a naming, oh no, we can’t have Chernobog’s volhv involved. It’s bad luck. Get Nikolai. When he finds out who I’m going to marry, he’ll have an aneurysm. His head will explode. It’s good that he’s a doctor, maybe he can treat himself.”

— Ilona Andrews

317. “Crazy Curran ranked right up there with monsoons, tornadoes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters.”

— Ilona Andrews

318. “If you hang up on me again, I will slice your car into small pieces and hang them on your roof like Christmas wreaths.”

— Ilona Andrews

319. “Ooo.” Hugh sucked the air in, narrowing his eyes. “Mean. I like mean.”

— Ilona Andrews

320. “Did the Order return your sense of humor as part of the severance package?”

— Ilona Andrews

321. “Hello, Consort,’’ Mauro boomed. He got to his feet, spread his arms, and curtsied.”

— Ilona Andrews

322. “She put her hand on her hip. “Where are you going?” “To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we’re cool.” Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him.”

— Ilona Andrews

323. “I batted my eyelashes and did my best to appear dumb as a board.”

— Ilona Andrews

324. “Mishmar. Your father’s hellish prison he cobbled together from the remains of office buildings from Omaha, which he destroyed. The Mishmar that’s stuffed to the brink with mutated vampires. That Mishmar.” “Yes.” “You.”

— Ilona Andrews

325. “Sometimes the Universe smiled. Mostly she kicked me in the face, stomped on my ribs once I fell down, and laughed at my pain, but once in a while she smiled.”

— Ilona Andrews

326. “It was one thing to be attracted to bad boys, something I usually didn’t suffer from. It was another to be attracted to bad men. Mad Rogan was a really bad, bad man.”

— Ilona Andrews

327. “In the whole world, there was no better place than being wrapped in him.”

— Ilona Andrews

328. “On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you’re getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt.”

— Ilona Andrews

329. “Next to me Arabella, wearing the same outfit I did, pursed her lips together and took a selfie. Ugh.”

— Ilona Andrews

330. “I looked at the canine companion. “Me cookies. You stay.”

— Ilona Andrews

331. “I’m going to kick you in the head when I get home. Repeatedly.”

— Ilona Andrews

332. “Life is trade; we trade our labor for its fruit, we trade hours of study for knowledge, we trade pleasure for pleasure or sometimes for wealth, security, or offspring.”

— Ilona Andrews

333. “He said, ‘Yeah, but will I get chicks? In truckloads?”

— Ilona Andrews

334. “What are your qualifications for this job?” she asked. “I’m expendable,” I said.”

— Ilona Andrews

335. “I’m in a Disney movie. – Augustine.”

— Ilona Andrews

336. “The human body is an amazing organism. It can go from dead tired to completely alert in a terrified blink.”

— Ilona Andrews

337. “As I walked back to civilization, I realized that for the first time in the six months I had known Curran, we had managed to have a conversation and part ways without wanting to kill each other. I found that fact deeply troubling.”

— Ilona Andrews

338. “What I needed was a big fat clue. A mysterious note laying it all out. A deity popping out of thin air and explaining it to me. Hell, I’d settle for an annoying old lady with a knack for solving mysteries. I actually stopped and waited for a second to see if a clue would fall out of the sky and land at my feet. The Universe declined to oblige.”

— Ilona Andrews

339. “It was Wednesday now. She’d been in town for two days.”

— Ilona Andrews

340. “Because you can’t lie, Kate. Everything you think is right there on your face. I’ve met kindergarteners who are better actors than you.”

— Ilona Andrews

341. “He waved his hand, trying to find the right words. “Lord Arland, sometimes it helps to speak plainly.” “Sword,” he said.”

— Ilona Andrews

342. “The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was carrying a severed vampire head. The T-shirt has a smiley face on it.”

— Ilona Andrews

343. “Dali elbowed Jim in the ribs. “What he meant to say was he is sorry that duties of his office and his own paranoid nature caused him to overreact.” Jim looked like someone had hit him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. “Yes.” “And.”

— Ilona Andrews

344. “No challenge, no matter how insignificant, can be left unanswered. Even a cry in the wilderness must be acknowledged, because someone might have heard it.”

— Ilona Andrews

345. “I mourn my sword, but that’s alright. Grandmother gave me another one.”

— Ilona Andrews

346. “I raged across the field, killing all before me. They ran when they saw me coming, and I chased them down, and killed them before they could take someone else’s friend away from them.”

— Ilona Andrews

347. “Adam glanced up. Brown eyes took my measure. He looked just like he did in all those photographs. Okay. Now I needed to not get fried as I talked his handsome ass into surrendering.”

— Ilona Andrews

348. “She who showed weakness to teenagers would be picked on to death. True fact of life.”

— Ilona Andrews

349. “You are not a gentle flower who spends its whole life in a greenhouse. You are a wildfire, Lark. A wildfire.”

— Ilona Andrews

350. “He’d left for a reason, and I didn’t want to be anyone’s blast from the past. Still, not knowing was worse than any potential awkwardness.”

— Ilona Andrews