Top 500 Lemony Snicket Quotes (2024 Update)
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451. “A wonderful laugh is no excuse for villainous behavior!”

— Lemony Snicket

452. “Behind these two booths was an enormous roller coaster, a phrase which here mean ’a series of small carts where people can sit and race up and down steep and frightening hills of tracks, for no discernible reason.”

— Lemony Snicket

453. “She crawled in front of the Baudelaires’ guardian and bared her teeth at Captain Sham.”

— Lemony Snicket

454. “It was a mystery, like what the S stood for in Theodora’s name. I kept walking, with nothing but solitude for company. “Solitude” is a fancy name for being all by yourself. It’s not a bad name, I thought.”

— Lemony Snicket

455. “Don’t you see?′ he asked. ‘I’m not just the island’s facilitator. I’m the island’s parent. I keep this library far away from the people under my care, so that they will never be disturbed by the world’s terrible secrets.”

— Lemony Snicket

456. “So it goes,′ Prosper Lost said, a little sadly. ‘There are some stories you never get to finish.”

— Lemony Snicket

457. “In the days that followed, the Baudelaire orphans had pits in their stomachs. In Sunny’s case it was understandable, because when Klaus had divided the peach, she had gotten the part with the pit.”

— Lemony Snicket

458. “There are some who go through life with a shadow hanging over them, particularly if they live in a building which has long wide awnings.”

— Lemony Snicket

459. “I do what I do,” I said, “in order to do something else.”

— Lemony Snicket

460. “In general, of course, a stranger who tries to get you into an automobile is anything but noble, and in general a person who quotes great American novelists is anything but treacherous, and in general a man who says you needn’t worry about money, or a man who smokes cigarettes, is somewhere in between.”

— Lemony Snicket

461. “It was another thing you didn’t learn at a top-drawer school. Bickering is like baldness or lousy gifts. It runs in families.”

— Lemony Snicket

462. “All of life is just shadows.”

— Lemony Snicket

463. “I had seen buildings burn before, as part of my training and as part of my childhood. I had seen small homes and enormous mansions devoured by fire, and I had seen flames destroy factories and symphony halls and houses of worship. A school seems worse, I thought as the fire roared into the sky. Even when the school is empty, it’s a terrible thing.”

— Lemony Snicket

464. “I’m not smart, Snicket. I don’t ask the right questions and I never find the right answers.”

— Lemony Snicket

465. “One of the greatest myths in the world–and the phrase “greatest myths” is just a fancy way of saying “big fat lies”–is that troublesome things get less and less troublesome if you do them more and more. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, and that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.”

— Lemony Snicket

466. “I can’t sleep if there’s murderers on the loose!” cried another guest. “Amen, brother!” said another person. “If a crime has been committed, then it’s our duty to stand around in our pajamas in the name of justice!”

— Lemony Snicket

467. “They were charming and resourceful, and had pleasant facial features, but they were extremely unlucky, and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery, and despair.”

— Lemony Snicket

468. “Hal is on his way.” The nurse announced reentering the room.”

— Lemony Snicket

469. “It doesn’t matter if you look ridiculous, not if you are with people you know and trust. If you are with people you know and trust and.”

— Lemony Snicket

470. “The dark was real, though. It almost always is.”

— Lemony Snicket

471. “Mcguffin,” Sunny said, which meant “Your scheming means nothing in this place.”

— Lemony Snicket

472. “It made the Baudelaire sisters a little sad to see all those books sitting in the library unread and unnoticed, like stray dogs or lost children that nobody wanted to take home.”

— Lemony Snicket

473. “Akroyd!” Sunny cried, a phrase which here means “Roger.”

— Lemony Snicket

474. “Villainy can win against one library, but not against an organization of readers.”

— Lemony Snicket

475. “In an emergency, one often learns that one’s companions can be of even less help in extraordinary circumstances than they are during an average evening.”

— Lemony Snicket

476. “Nobody likes to be tapped on the knee. Practically nobody likes to be tapped anywhere.”

— Lemony Snicket

477. “I stayed up all night reading.”

— Lemony Snicket

478. “Respecting one’s elders is difficult enough, but when they are soaked with water and have proved themselves to be dishonest, it is nearly impossible.”

— Lemony Snicket

479. “A taciturn writer, for instance, might produce only one short poem every ten years, which is unlikely to annoy anyone, whereas someone who writes twelve or thirteen books in a relatively short time is likely to find themselves hiding under the coffee table of a notorious villain, holding his breath, hoping nobody at the cocktail party will notice the trembling backgammon set, and wondering, as the inkstain spreads across the carpeting, if certain literary exercises have been entirely worthwhile.”

— Lemony Snicket

480. “Like many people who dress in black, the lump of coal was interested in becoming an artist.”

— Lemony Snicket

481. “A good breakfast is better than a bad one, like a good book is better than having your toe chopped off.”

— Lemony Snicket

482. “Except people who have no respect for the alphabet! And they’re not here! Are they?” “No,” Klaus said. “We have a great deal of respect for the alphabet.” “I should say so!” the captain cried. “Klaus Baudelaire disrespect the alphabet? Why, it’s unthinkable! Aye! It’s illegal! It’s impossible! It’s not true! How dare you say so! No – you didn’t say so! I apologize! One thousand pardons! Aye!”

— Lemony Snicket

483. “As I’m sure you know, whenever there is a mirror around, it is almost impossible not to take a look at yourself. Even though we all know what we look like, we all like just to look at our reflections, if only to see how we’re doing.”

— Lemony Snicket

484. “You’ll soon find out that much of this job involves a lot of waiting around,” the hook-handed man said. “I usually keep something around to help pass the time, like a deck of cards or a large rock.”

— Lemony Snicket

485. “They were probably hitting the town. I hoped it was hitting them back.”

— Lemony Snicket

486. “And as the Baudelaires told Hector their long story, they began to feel as if the handyman was carrying more than their suitcases. They felt as if he was carrying each word they said, as if each unfortunate event was a burden that Hector was helping them with. The story of their lives was so miserable that I cannot say they felt happy when they were through telling it, but by the time Sunny concluded the whole long story, the Baudelaires felt as if they were carrying much less.”

— Lemony Snicket

487. “A lock isn’t going to stop us. Not when we’ve come all this way.”

— Lemony Snicket

488. “If you like books with happy endings then put this book down immediately.”

— Lemony Snicket

489. “One of the greatest myths in the world – and the phrase ‘greatest myths is just a fancy way of saying ‘big fat lies’ – is that troublesome things get less and less troublesome if you do them more and more.”

— Lemony Snicket

490. “Optimist” is a word which here refers to a person, such as Phil, who thinks hopeful and pleasant thoughts about nearly everything. For instance, if an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, “Well, this isn’t too bad. I don’t have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed,” but most of us would say something more along the lines of “Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!”

— Lemony Snicket

491. “I’d never forget Sunny! Never in a million years! Not that I will live that long! Particularly because I don’t exercise very much! But I don’t like exercising, so it’s worth it!”

— Lemony Snicket

492. “It is never seven that you count to, before you do something difficult. It is never at the count of two. It is always three, and it is strange.”

— Lemony Snicket

493. “I looked at the poor, sickly plant, trying to grow in the coffee grounds instead of the earth, where it belonged. I wondered what happened to things that grew up in the wrong place.”

— Lemony Snicket

494. “Klaus had not told his siblings about the book, because he didn’t want to give them false hope.”

— Lemony Snicket

495. “People who think nothing can go wrong are usually disappointed.”

— Lemony Snicket

496. “I submit these assorted pieces of evidence I’m unwilling to categorize!”

— Lemony Snicket

497. “Sometimes, when you are reading a book you are enjoying very much, you begin thinking so hard about the characters and the story that you might forget all about the author, even if he is in grave danger and would very much appreciate your help. The same thing can happen if you are looking at a photograph. You might think so hard about whatever is in the photograph that you forget all about the person behind the camera.”

— Lemony Snicket

498. “The next morning I learned why our room was called the Far East Suite. It was located in the corner of the Lost Arms that was the farthest east, and so the very first rays of the sunlight came through the shutters and poked me in the eye. “Go play,” I told the sunlight. “I’ll catch up with you later.” The sunlight insisted that I wake up right this very minute, so I sat up in bed and went into the bathroom to wash my face and change my clothes.”

— Lemony Snicket

499. “There’s a library,” I said, “and a fine journalist, and several interesting people. That’s more than most places have.”

— Lemony Snicket

500. “You’ll have to observe everyone you see, and make such judgments yourselves.”

— Lemony Snicket