Top 500 Lemony Snicket Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “Life is a conundrum of esoterica.”

— Lemony Snicket

52. “Waiting is one of life’s hardships.”

— Lemony Snicket

53. “Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had vinegar added to it and were placed in a refrigerator for several hours.”

— Lemony Snicket

54. “Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.”

— Lemony Snicket

55. “One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.”

— Lemony Snicket

56. “This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?”

— Lemony Snicket

57. “It is one of life’s bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.”

— Lemony Snicket

58. “Is it useful to feel fear, because it prepares you for nasty events, or is it useless, because nasty events will occur whether you are frightened or not?”

— Lemony Snicket

59. “The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.”

— Lemony Snicket

60. “It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself.”

— Lemony Snicket

61. “It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it.”

— Lemony Snicket

62. “For Beatrice – My love for you shall live forever. You, however, did not.”

— Lemony Snicket

63. “For Beatrice, our love broke my heart, and stopped yours.”

— Lemony Snicket

64. “Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course.”

— Lemony Snicket

65. “Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”

— Lemony Snicket

66. “The thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you.”

— Lemony Snicket

67. “It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.”

— Lemony Snicket

68. “Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.”

— Lemony Snicket

69. “It is not very polite to interrupt a person, of course, but sometimes if the person is very unpleasant you can hardly stop yourself.”

— Lemony Snicket

70. “It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing.”

— Lemony Snicket

71. “Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.”

— Lemony Snicket

72. “This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.”

— Lemony Snicket

73. “There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one’s hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.”

— Lemony Snicket

74. “To hear the phrase “our only hope” always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn’t work, there is nothing left.”

— Lemony Snicket

75. “It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.”

— Lemony Snicket

76. “Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.”

— Lemony Snicket

77. “One of the world’s most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen’s younger, more attractive boyfriends.”

— Lemony Snicket

78. “Right, good temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.”

— Lemony Snicket

79. “Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection.”

— Lemony Snicket

80. “There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.”

— Lemony Snicket

81. “Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.”

— Lemony Snicket

82. “There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.”

— Lemony Snicket

83. “It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding such a person can make you feel warm and safe, even if you are in the middle of a windy valley high up in the mountains.”

— Lemony Snicket

84. “I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.”

— Lemony Snicket

85. “It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time that followed. If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven’t, you cannot possibly imagine it.”

— Lemony Snicket

86. “Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time.”

— Lemony Snicket

87. “A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give up villainy altogether and try to lead a life of decency, integrity, and kindness, which is much more challenging and noble, if not always quite as exciting.”

— Lemony Snicket

88. “Whenever you are examining someone else’s belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.”

— Lemony Snicket

89. “Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.”

— Lemony Snicket

90. “Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one’s time before the candles are extinguished on one’s birthday cake.”

— Lemony Snicket

91. “In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s philosophical and literary principles.”

— Lemony Snicket

92. “The sea is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.”

— Lemony Snicket

93. “Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.”

— Lemony Snicket

94. “In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied “I love you back” and not “I love your back” before you continue the conversation.”

— Lemony Snicket

95. “It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don’t stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.”

— Lemony Snicket

96. “When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.”

— Lemony Snicket

97. “The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world.”

— Lemony Snicket

98. “Sometimes even in most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good.”

— Lemony Snicket

99. “It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.”

— Lemony Snicket

100. “How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?”

— Lemony Snicket