Top 500 Lemony Snicket Quotes (2025 Update)
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401. “Life never end when you are in it.”

— Lemony Snicket

402. “Impertinent is a word which actually means not suitable to the circumstances, but most people use it to mean I am using a complicated word in hopes that it will make you stop talking...”

— Lemony Snicket

403. “Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. Some people say that a sunrise is a miracle, because it is somewhat mysterious and often very beautiful, but other people say it is simply a fact of life, because it happens every day and far too early in the morning.”

— Lemony Snicket

404. “Nobody can teach you how to like something. You can like it, or you can pretend to like it, in order to make someone happy. Of course, that other person might be pretending too, and so on and so on and so on, with all the world in a chain of pretense and distrust.”

— Lemony Snicket

405. “I was in my favorite seat in the library, but it wasn’t helping me like the book any better. It was a book people kept putting in my hands and telling me I was going to love, the way the doctor tells you the needle won’t hurt a bit. The book began the way it always began before I gave up on it: with a man carrying around a drawing or a snake that had just eaten, and asking people what they thought of it. I thought it was no way to start up a conversation.”

— Lemony Snicket

406. “If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book.”

— Lemony Snicket

407. “All these things are miracles. It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do.”

— Lemony Snicket

408. “Triplets are when four babies are born at the same time, and there are only two Quagmires.”

— Lemony Snicket

409. “And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders.”

— Lemony Snicket

410. “Wishing is merely a quiet way to spend one’s time before the candles are extinguished on one’s birthday cake.”

— Lemony Snicket

411. “Never look a gift lion in the mouth.”

— Lemony Snicket

412. “You might compare your pimple situation to that of someone who was being eaten by a bear, and when you looked in the mirror at your ugly pimple, you could say to yourself, “Well, at least I’m not being eaten by a bear.”

— Lemony Snicket

413. “Sometimes, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. “I hate everything about our lives right now, Klaus,” she said, “but we have to keep our chin up.” This was an expression the children’s father had used, and it meant “try to stay cheerful.” -P. 32.”

— Lemony Snicket

414. “If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels; and if you haven’t, you cannot possibly imagine it.”

— Lemony Snicket

415. “It doesn’t matter if you never see someone again, I told myself. There are millions of people in the world, and most of them never see each other in the first place.”

— Lemony Snicket

416. “Humanity must perforce prey upon itself, like monsters of the deep,” a.”

— Lemony Snicket

417. “There is no point in delaying crying. Sadness is like having a vicious alligator around. You can ignore it for only so long before it begins devouring things and you have to pay attention.”

— Lemony Snicket

418. “Asinine is a word that sounds like you shouldn’t say it, so when you do say it, people often gasp. This makes it a delicious way of saying ‘not very smart,’ which is all it means.”

— Lemony Snicket

419. “Wherever you can find a honeydew melon, you can find other melons. All other melons are better. There is really no point to having a honeydew melon under any circumstances whatsoever.”

— Lemony Snicket

420. “Anyone who knew Violet well could tell she was thinking hard, because her long hair was tied up in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes. Violet had a real knack for inventing and building strange devices, so her brain was often filled with images of pulleys, levers, and gears, and she never wanted to be distracted by something as trivial as her hair.”

— Lemony Snicket

421. “To hear the phrase “our only hope” always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn’t work, there is nothing left, and that is never pleasant to think about, however true it might be.”

— Lemony Snicket

422. “Coach Genghis rather.”

— Lemony Snicket

423. “The moral of World War I is ‘Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”

— Lemony Snicket

424. “Off with you” is a phrase used by people who lack the curtesy to say something more polite, such as, “if there’s nothing else you require I must be going” or “I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please” or even “excuse me but I believe you have mistaken my home for your own and my valuable belongings for yours and I must ask you to return the items in question to me and leave my home after untying me from this chair, as I’m unable to do it myself, if it’s not too much trouble.”

— Lemony Snicket

425. “There is nothing wicked about having a dreadful singing voice, any more than there is something wicked about having dreadful posture, dreadful cousins, or a dreadful pair of pants. Many noble and pleasant people have any number of these things, and there are even one or two kind individuals who have them all. But if you have something dreadful, and you force it upon someone else, then you have done something quite wicked indeed.”

— Lemony Snicket

426. “Those two Quagmires will whisk and whisk until they are simply whisked away.”

— Lemony Snicket

427. “And a refrigerator may hold a basket of strawberries, which would be important if a maniac said to you, “If you don’t give me a basket of strawberries right now, I’m going to poke you with this large stick.” But when the two elder Baudelaires and Quigley Quagmire opened the refrigerator, they found nothing that would help someone who was wounded, dying of thirst, or being threatened by a strawberry-crazed, stick-carrying maniac.”

— Lemony Snicket

428. “Baudelaire children had a slightly different.”

— Lemony Snicket

429. “It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding such a person can make you feel warm and safe.”

— Lemony Snicket

430. “Not that kind of aristocracy,” I said with both feet on the floor. “Not an aristocracy of power, based on rank or wealth, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the considerate, and the plucky. Our members are found in all nations and classes, and through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between us when we meet.”

— Lemony Snicket

431. “BRETT HELQUIST.”

— Lemony Snicket

432. “There have been only five burglars in the history of robbery who have specialized in rope. All five of these burglars were caught and sent to prison, which is why scarcely any people lock up their rope for safekeeping.”

— Lemony Snicket

433. “It is unwise to make something permanent when the whole world is shifting.”

— Lemony Snicket

434. “The part libraries play in education is the part bubbles play in champagne. They may seem at first to be merely a shimmery addition, but they are the central feature of the entire enterprise and the reason, joyous and astonishing, to keep imbibing.”

— Lemony Snicket

435. “There’s lots of sticky things here,” he said. “I see blackstrap molasses, wild clover honey, corn syrup, aged balsamic vinegar, apple butter, strawberry jam, caramel sauce, maple syrup, butterscotch topping, maraschino liqueur, virgin and extra-virgin olive oil, lemon curd, dried apricots, mango chutney, crema di noci, tamarind paste, hot mustard, marshmallows, creamed corn, peanut butter, grape preserves, salt water taffy, condensed milk, pumpkin pie filling, and glue.”

— Lemony Snicket

436. “Mr. Poe meant well, but a jar of mustard probably also means well and would do a better job of keeping the Baudelaires out of danger.”

— Lemony Snicket

437. “It is curious to look at one’s family and try to imagine how they look to strangers.”

— Lemony Snicket

438. “You cannot wait for an untroubled world to have an untroubled moment. The terrible phone call, the rainstorm, the sinister knock on the door – they will all come. Soon enough arrive the treacherous villain and the unfair trial and the smoke and the flames of the suspicious fires to burn everything away. In the meantime, it is best to grab what wonderful moments you find lying around.”

— Lemony Snicket

439. “Sometimes the information you need is not in the most obvious place.”

— Lemony Snicket

440. “Please excuse the torn edges of this note. I am writing to you from inside the shack the Baudelaire orphans were forced to live in while at Prufrock Preparatory School, and I am afraid that some of the crabs tried to snatch my stationery away from me. On Sunday night, please purchase a ticket for seat 10-J at the Erratic Opera Company’s performance of the opera Faute de Mieux. During Act Five, use a sharp knife to rip open the cushion of your seat. There you should find.”

— Lemony Snicket

441. “In the secret pocket, she often kept a small pocket dictionary, which she would take out whenever she encountered a word she did not know.”

— Lemony Snicket

442. “Any age was a difficult age for someone needing to get through that window.”

— Lemony Snicket

443. “Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.”

— Lemony Snicket

444. “I hate it too,” Violet said, and Klaus looked at his older sister with relief. Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.”

— Lemony Snicket

445. “No food at home?” “Our father is still very ill,” Squeak squeaked. “Let me take care of you,” I said, and walked behind the counter. “You can’t do that!” Hungry said. “This is my place! It’s private property!” “What it is is a kitchen,” I said, “and these are hungry people. Hungry people should be fed. It takes some people a long time to figure this out, so you think about it and have a seat. I’ll make enough for everybody.”

— Lemony Snicket

446. “Wretchedness. It is atrociously unfair, of course, that the Baudelaires have so many troubles, but that is the way the story goes. So now that I’ve told you that the first sentence will be “The Baudelaire.”

— Lemony Snicket

447. “Lucky don’t listen to your sister.”

— Lemony Snicket

448. “Although this table contains a great many elements, from the element oxygen, which is found in the air, to the element aluminum, which is found in cans of soda, the table if elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element if surprise.”

— Lemony Snicket

449. “I give up,” Mr. Poe said, and coughed into his handkerchief. “Five hundred is too much to pay for a big herring statue.”

— Lemony Snicket

450. “Quagmires, remember?”

— Lemony Snicket