Top 100 Robert Orben Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”

— Robert Orben

Featured in: Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes, Startup Quotes, Wealth Quotes, Making Money Quotes, Humor Quotes

2. “Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!”

— Robert Orben

Featured in: Happiness Quotes, Cute Quotes, Silly Quotes, Humor Quotes, Friday Quotes

3. “A compliment is verbal sunshine.”

— Robert Orben

Featured in: Have a Great Day Quotes, Positive Good Morning Quotes, I Appreciate You Quotes

4. “If you can laugh together, you can work together.”

— Robert Orben

Featured in: Funny Work Quotes, Humor Quotes, Funny Friday Quotes, Funny Office Quotes, Funny Friendship Quotes

5. “Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.”

— Robert Orben

6. “A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.”

— Robert Orben

7. “Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it’s a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it’s a pen that scratches.”

— Robert Orben

8. “Here’s to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.”

— Robert Orben

Featured in: Volunteer Quotes

9. “If at first you don’t succeed-try, try again. Don’t think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.”

— Robert Orben

10. “To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.”

— Robert Orben

11. “I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.”

— Robert Orben

12. “Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that’s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.”

— Robert Orben

13. “There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all.”

— Robert Orben

14. “We have enough people who tell it like it is – now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.”

— Robert Orben

15. “Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.”

— Robert Orben

16. “There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.”

— Robert Orben

17. “I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year’s Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.”

— Robert Orben

Featured in: New Year Quotes

18. “Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.”

— Robert Orben

19. “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”

— Robert Orben

20. “The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.”

— Robert Orben

21. “Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

— Robert Orben

22. “Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it’s filled with wisdom. Sometimes it’s filled with feet.”

— Robert Orben

23. “It’s amazing how important your job is when you want the day off – and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.”

— Robert Orben

24. “Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.”

— Robert Orben

25. “There are days when it takes all you’ve got just to keep up with the losers.”

— Robert Orben

26. “Don’t smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We’re all on the road to the grave – but there’s no need to be in the passing lane.”

— Robert Orben

27. “Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!”

— Robert Orben

28. “Realists know where they’re going. Dreamers have already been there.”

— Robert Orben

29. “Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.”

— Robert Orben

30. “To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.”

— Robert Orben

31. “Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn’t like it there’s no faking it.”

— Robert Orben

32. “The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.”

— Robert Orben

33. “Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.”

— Robert Orben

34. “Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.”

— Robert Orben

35. “Washington is a place where politicians don’t know which way is up and taxes don’t know which way is down.”

— Robert Orben

36. “Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, “Guess Who?” She’s a divorce lawyer.”

— Robert Orben

37. “I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, “Keep the change.””

— Robert Orben

38. “Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.”

— Robert Orben

39. “Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.”

— Robert Orben

40. “The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world.”

— Robert Orben

41. “They say kids today don’t know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That’s why they ask for five.”

— Robert Orben

42. “I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.”

— Robert Orben

43. “Do your kids a favor – don’t have any.”

— Robert Orben

44. “I should warn you that underneath these clothes I’m wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.”

— Robert Orben

45. “Live your life so that if someone says ‘Be yourself’ it’s good advice.”

— Robert Orben

46. “A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.”

— Robert Orben

47. “THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he’d carry would be aspirin.”

— Robert Orben

48. “It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.”

— Robert Orben

49. “In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee – or laugh.”

— Robert Orben

50. “When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.”

— Robert Orben