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Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2025 Update)
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Ali Hazelwood Quote: “Listen” – she made to stand from the chair, panic rising in her throat – “I’m sorry, but if one of the reasons you offered to fake-date is that you thought that we would – ” “No.” The word half exploded out of him. He looked genuinely appalled. “I’m shocked that you’d even feel the need to bring it up.”

451. “Listen” – she made to stand from the chair, panic rising in her throat – “I’m sorry, but if one of the reasons you offered to fake-date is that you thought that we would – ” “No.” The word half exploded out of him. He looked genuinely appalled. “I’m shocked that you’d even feel the need to bring it up.”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “Reike wasn’t nearly as distraught: when I frantically explained that “pigs have families, too – a mom and a dad and siblings that will miss them,” she just nodded thoughtfully and said, “What you’re saying is, we should eat the whole family?”

452. “Reike wasn’t nearly as distraught: when I frantically explained that “pigs have families, too – a mom and a dad and siblings that will miss them,” she just nodded thoughtfully and said, “What you’re saying is, we should eat the whole family?”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “Dude, dates are amazing.” “No, they’re not.” “Yes. Try wrapping them in bacon.”

453. “Dude, dates are amazing.” “No, they’re not.” “Yes. Try wrapping them in bacon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “But maybe I want to play with the Herschel Crater first.”

454. “But maybe I want to play with the Herschel Crater first.”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “I’ve got a spare,” Jack says, finishing in twenty seconds a parallel parking job that would have taken me twenty minutes and my whole dignity.”

455. “I’ve got a spare,” Jack says, finishing in twenty seconds a parallel parking job that would have taken me twenty minutes and my whole dignity.”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “You seemed busy, Didn’t want to interfere.” I was replying to an urgent email.” I doubt it. I think he was writing the next great American novel.”

456. “You seemed busy, Didn’t want to interfere.” I was replying to an urgent email.” I doubt it. I think he was writing the next great American novel.”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you are not worth people’ time and effort and if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.”

457. “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you are not worth people’ time and effort and if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “Fun fact about me: I am a fairly mellow person, but I happen to have a very violent fantasy life.”

458. “Fun fact about me: I am a fairly mellow person, but I happen to have a very violent fantasy life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “What kind of careless, inconsiderate boob steals the single available option from a starving, needy vegan?”

459. “What kind of careless, inconsiderate boob steals the single available option from a starving, needy vegan?”

— Ali Hazelwood

Ali Hazelwood Quote: “He stares down at me as though I own him. As though his future hangs from my hands. As though everything he’s ever wanted, I hold it within me.”

460. “He stares down at me as though I own him. As though his future hangs from my hands. As though everything he’s ever wanted, I hold it within me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

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