Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Funny how my physics career and my people-pleasing career started around the same time.”

— Ali Hazelwood

2. “How refreshing, to talk with someone who’d watched a rom-com. Or ten.”

— Ali Hazelwood

3. “I must say, the line between excellent career choice and critical life screwup is getting a bit blury.”

— Ali Hazelwood

4. “That’s the thing with science. We’re drilled to believe that false positives are bad, but false negatives are just as terrifying.” She swallowed. “Not being able to see something, even if it’s in front of your eyes. Purposefully making yourself blind, just because you’re afraid of seeing too much.”

— Ali Hazelwood

5. “Here’s the honesty: I’m in love with you. But that’s not news. Not to me, and not to you, I don’t think. Not if you’re honest with yourself – which you say you are, right?”

— Ali Hazelwood

6. “A heart will break even more easily than the weakest of hydrogen bonds.”

— Ali Hazelwood

7. “There’s probably German word for that. Cute, but exceptionally ugly.”

— Ali Hazelwood

8. “You can fall in love: someone will catch you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

9. “Pumpkin spice is not harmless. It’s a radioactive, overpowering sugar bomb that worms its way into every sort of product and is single-handedly responsible for the extinction of the Caribbean monk seal.”

— Ali Hazelwood

10. “That for years she’d wondered whether she was asexual and she had realized only recently that she might be able to experience sexual attraction, but only with people she trusted deeply?”

— Ali Hazelwood

11. “We’re only humans. We’re full of ″whys″, drowning in ″whys.″ Every once in a while, we need a bit of ″because,″ and if it’s not readily available, we make it up.”

— Ali Hazelwood

12. “The real villain is love: an unstable isotope, constantly undergoing spontaneous nuclear decay. And it will forever go unpunished.”

— Ali Hazelwood

13. “I like no one, absolutely no one, but I liked you from the start.”

— Ali Hazelwood

14. “HYPOTHESIS: Any rumor regarding my love life will spread with a speed that is directly proportional to my desire to keep said rumor a secret.”

— Ali Hazelwood

15. “You don’t even have to admit to yourself that you love me, Bee. God knows I love you enough for the both of us – Levi Ward.”

— Ali Hazelwood

16. “I’m starting to wonder if this is what being in love is. Being okay with ripping yourself to shreds, so the other person can stay whole.”

— Ali Hazelwood

17. “HYPOTHESIS: If I fall in love, things will invariably end poorly.”

— Ali Hazelwood

18. “Not having a life came in handy, sometimes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

19. “I love you, I think. And I suspect that you love me, too. And I cannot wait for us to admit it to each other. I cannot wait to see what happens next.”

— Ali Hazelwood

20. “It’s never too late to tell the truth.”

— Ali Hazelwood

21. “Rain is my favorite kind of weather.”

— Ali Hazelwood

22. “I only knew you for twenty-four hours, but I’ve never missed anyone so much.”

— Ali Hazelwood

23. “I want to tell her that she’s luminous, she’s so bright in my mind, sometimes I can’t focus.”

— Ali Hazelwood

24. “Everyone, Ol. He’s a tall, broody, sullen hunk with a genius IQ. Everyone likes tall, broody, sullen hunks with genius IQs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

25. “He kisses like a man starved.”

— Ali Hazelwood

26. “I am going to take care of this,” he told her. There was something determined, earnest in his eyes. Olive had never felt safer, or more loved. “And then I’ll come find you, and I’ll take care of you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

27. “To be fair, I don’t like people in general.”

— Ali Hazelwood

28. “But a good kiss will do that: make a girl forget herself for a while.”

— Ali Hazelwood

29. “You’ll always be my kalamata.”

— Ali Hazelwood

30. “Travel, see new places, experience new things. It’s like yearning for change is hardwired in her brain.”

— Ali Hazelwood

31. “Carlsen. Is he blackmailing you? Did he find out that you’re an aberration and pee in the shower?” “First of all, it’s time efficient.” Olive glared. “Second, I find it oddly flattering that you’d think Carlsen would go to these ridiculous lengths to get me to date him.”

— Ali Hazelwood

32. “The more I need my brain to be on top of its game, the higher the probability that it will freeze on me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

33. “Example: “Based on the available information and the data hitherto collected, my hypothesis is that the farther away I stay from love, the better off I will be.”

— Ali Hazelwood

34. “She’s everything I ever wanted and I want to inject her into my veins and also to never see her again.”

— Ali Hazelwood

35. “Fine. But if you’re not feeling well, you tell me immediately and I’ll take you away.”

— Ali Hazelwood

36. “In Olive’s defense, the man didn’t seem to mind the kiss too much.”

— Ali Hazelwood

37. “He could fit her entire breast in his mouth. All of it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

38. “You put in expired contacts?” He sounded personally offended. “Just a little expired.” “What’s ‘a little’?” “I don’t know. A few years?” “What?” His consonants were sharp and precise. Crisp. Pleasant. “Only just a couple, I think.” “Just a couple of years?” “It’s okay. Expiration dates are for the weak.”

— Ali Hazelwood

39. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

— Ali Hazelwood

40. “The constant feeling of not belonging, the never-ending suspicions that since so much of her life had been spent alone, then it would end the same way. That she’d never be worthy of someone caring for her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

41. “Academia has its own special way of tearing apart work-life balance, wearing people down, and making them forget that they are worth more than the number of papers they publish or the grant money they are able to rake in.”

— Ali Hazelwood

42. “She didn’t want weekends, or a decent salary. She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to be less lonely.”

— Ali Hazelwood

43. “Graduate school success depends on qualities that are not measured by the GRE – we all know it. Why aren’t we moving toward a holistic approach to graduate admission? Also, the GRE costs hundreds of dollars! Who has the financial solubility for that? Or for the prep courses, the materials, the tutors? Let me tell you who doesn’t: not-rich people.”

— Ali Hazelwood

44. “On a Likert scale ranging from one to ten, Jeremy’s timing will be negative fifty, with a standard error of the mean of zero point two.”

— Ali Hazelwood

45. “Not being able to see something, even if it’s in front of your eyes. Purposefully making yourself blind, just because you’re afraid of seeing too much.” “Are you saying that statistics graduate education is inadequate?”

— Ali Hazelwood

46. “Easy peasy, photons squeezy.”

— Ali Hazelwood

47. “Have the confidence of a mediocre white man.”

— Ali Hazelwood

48. “HYPOTHESIS: The more I mention an attachment in an email, the less likely I will be to actually include said attachment.”

— Ali Hazelwood

49. “Olive.” He pulled her closer, pressing his lips against her forehead. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever it is that you’re crying about, I will fix it. I will make it right. I-.”

— Ali Hazelwood

50. “You are not mediocre, Olive. You were not invited to speak because people think that you are my girlfriend – there is no such thing, since SBD’s abstracts go through a blind review process. I would know, because I’ve been roped into reviewing them in the past. And the work you presented is important, rigorous and brilliant.” He took a deep breath. His shoulders rose and fell in time with the thudding of her heart. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

— Ali Hazelwood