Top 500 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
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201. “Fun fact about me: I am a fairly mellow person, but I happen to have a very violent fantasy life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

202. “But before I can say anything, he cups my cheek and leans down to kiss me once more. This time it’s sweet, slow, savoring. Patient. This time it’s lingering and gentle – everything our other kiss wasn’t. I want to try them all. All the kisses Levi Ward is capable of, I want to sample them like fine wine.”

— Ali Hazelwood

203. “A bit theatrical, not really my thing, but I wasn’t going to complain, not when it meant someone wanted to stand by me for good. So I looked him in the eyes, choked back the tears, and said yes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

204. “It’s not a date. But if it were – which it isn’t – it would be the best date of my life. Of course, because it’s not a date, the point is moot. But. If it were. Though it’s not.”

— Ali Hazelwood

205. “Had she hallucinated it? Had Adam really just pushed a giant truck all by himself? Was he an alien from planet Krypton who moonlighted as a superhero?”

— Ali Hazelwood

206. “Ungrateful creatures. I love them.”

— Ali Hazelwood

207. “You sweet summer child.”

— Ali Hazelwood

208. “This is the equivalent to someone buying their own ‘World’s Best Boss’ mug. Congratulations, you’re officially NASA’s Micheal Scott.”

— Ali Hazelwood

209. “But I wonder if certain relationships are living proof of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle: their position and their velocity simply cannot both be measured at the same time, not even in theory.”

— Ali Hazelwood

210. “Your therapist sounds great.” “He was.” “But i still want to commit patricide.”

— Ali Hazelwood

211. “I’ll just say you had a family emergency.” Holden winked. “Perhaps future-family emergency, how does that sound?”

— Ali Hazelwood

212. “Have you considered getting a real girlfriend?” His eyebrow lifted. “Have you considered getting a real date?”

— Ali Hazelwood

213. “She’s so mean. I love her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

214. “You’re so big.” He groaned into her neck. His entire body was vibrating with tension. “You can take it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

215. “That’s the thing with science. We’re drilled to believe that false positives are bad, but false negatives are just as terrifying.”

— Ali Hazelwood

216. “Ol, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s head over feet. There is no way he’ll want to move to Boston if you’re not going – and I’m sure as hell not letting you go work for this dipshit...”

— Ali Hazelwood

217. “Qualquer boato sobre a minha vida amorosa vai se espalhar numa velocidade diretamente proporcional ao meu desejo de manter o referido boato em segredo.”

— Ali Hazelwood

218. “God, she had forced a married man, a father, to kiss her. Now people thought that he was having an affair. His wife was probably crying into her pillow. His kids would grow up with horrible daddy issues and become serial killers.”

— Ali Hazelwood

219. “Is this another one of your green card marriage interview questions?”

— Ali Hazelwood

220. “Pearl Jam’s not my favorite, but it’s good, and I hate that Levi likes good music. I need him to love Dave Matthews Band. To stan the Insane Clown Posse. To have a Nickelback tramp stamp.”

— Ali Hazelwood

221. “Then write a report about it. Due by the end of the semester. Don’t come to me bitching about it during office hours, because I will call security to escort you out.”

— Ali Hazelwood

222. “She would have loved to run to the edge of campus and scream into the void until modern civilization collapsed, but that wasn’t exactly a pressing matter.”

— Ali Hazelwood

223. “He’s wearing a dark-green henley.”

— Ali Hazelwood

224. “Maybe that’s what he majored in at Dartmouth: Snow Shoveling. Nicely complemented by a minor in Muscles. His honors thesis was titled The Importance of Armceps in Ergonomic Excavating. Then he moved to graduate school to study How-to-Make-a-Mundane-Winter-Task-Look-Attractive Law.”

— Ali Hazelwood

225. “Maybe spending so many years alone had warped her in some fundamental way and that was why she seemed to be unable to develop a true romantic connection, or even the type of attraction she often heard others talk about.”

— Ali Hazelwood

226. “How are you?” “Good. Fine. I mean, I wish I were dead. But aside from that.”

— Ali Hazelwood

227. “My eyes sting. I bite my lip to keep the tears at bay, but my stupid body betrays me once again and I’m crying, I’m crying in front of him, and I hate him. I’m not mad at him – I hate him. For the way he’s treated me. For having the solid career I don’t. For concealing the politics of this damn septic tank of a project. I hate him, hate him, hate him, with a passion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

228. “The internet is a sea full of creepy, cybercriminal fish, and if Mark Zuckerberg can cover his laptop webcam with a piece of tape, I reserve the right to keep things painfully anonymous.”

— Ali Hazelwood

229. “He cradled her head with both hands, fingers sliding through her hair and holding her tight as he lowered his forehead to hers. He was warm, and smelled like himself, like safe and home.”

— Ali Hazelwood

230. “I find that people like me better if they don’t have to expend emotional energy on me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

231. “He was holding his key card and typing something in his phone, but stopped as soon as he looked up and noticed Olive. His mouth opened, and – That was it. It just stayed open.”

— Ali Hazelwood

232. “I do reserve the right to comment on your abysmal taste in men.”

— Ali Hazelwood

233. “Approximately two out of three fake-dating situations will eventually involve room-sharing; 50 percent of room-sharing situations will be further complicated by the presence of only one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

234. “How the turntables,” Adam murmured.”

— Ali Hazelwood

235. “LILY SULLIVAN IS warm, personable, and sweet in a delicious Southern way.”

— Ali Hazelwood

236. “He gives me a confused, curious look. Like he knows that I’m complicated, but he doesn’t mind. Like he’d rather spend the rest of his life studying an inch of me than discovering the mysteries behind the universe.”

— Ali Hazelwood

237. “I’m not a very secretive person, mostly out of laziness: I refuse to take on the cognitive labor of tracking lies and omissions.”

— Ali Hazelwood

238. “In my fantasies, you allow me to keep an eye on you.” I feel his lips at my temple. “And when I really let go, I imagine that you let me take care of you, too.”

— Ali Hazelwood

239. “Olive felt her shoulders sag with relief and had to resist the urge to fist-pump. Take that, you stupid rom-coms. She may have fallen for the dude she’d begun to fake-date like some born-yesterday fool, but at least she wouldn’t be sharing a bed with him any time soon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

240. “A pause. “You are a brilliant engineer who knows the Premier League stats of the past three decades off the top of your head. Physically, you are the uncanny combination of every single feature I’ve ever found attractive – no, I will not expand on that. And you saved me on your phone as Corporate Thor, even after I gave you my full name.”

— Ali Hazelwood

241. “He tilted his head. “Standard protocol?” “Yup.” “How many times have you done this?” “Zero. But I am familiar with the trope.”

— Ali Hazelwood

242. “I had a vision of your future in academia.” Olive wrapped her arms around Anh. “What vision?” “You were a high-powered researcher, surrounded by students who hung on your every word. And you were answering a multiparagraph email with an uncapitalized no.” “Nice. Was I happy?” “Of course not.” Anh snorted. “It’s academia.”

— Ali Hazelwood

243. “And I definitely wouldn’t want you to be George.” “And why is that?” He presses his lips together. He’s even closer now. Surprisingly earnest. “It would be a waste.”

— Ali Hazelwood

244. “There hasn’t been anyone else.” His jaw tenses and works. “Since the first moment I saw you. Since the first moment I talked to you and made an ass of myself, there hasn’t been anyone else.”

— Ali Hazelwood

245. “He studies my face for several moments, like he cannot stop on the cover or the first page, like he needs to read the whole book every time.”

— Ali Hazelwood

246. “We are our nervous systems, the complex combination of billions of neurons firing in distinctive patterns. What’s more exciting than spending my life figuring out what a little chunk of these neurons can accomplish?”

— Ali Hazelwood

247. “Eli was entranced. Her servant. Spellbound. He considered begging her to let him touch her. To let him go down on her in the hallway. He would go grocery shopping and make her dinner off a YouTube recipe of her choice. He’d wash her car, read her a book, sit here outside her door and just make sure she was safe and protected. They could hold hands all night. They could play Scrabble.”

— Ali Hazelwood

248. “He’d clearly never seen a rom-com or read a romance novel in his life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

249. “Adam Carlsen was handsome. Adam Carlsen, with his long nose and wavy hair, with his full lips and angular face that shouldn’t have fit together but somehow did, was really, really, really handsome. Olive had no clue why it hadn’t registered before, or why what made her realize it was him putting on a plain black shirt.”

— Ali Hazelwood

250. “I like you very much, Mara. I like talking to you. I like watching you do yoga. I like the way you always smell like sunscreen. I like how you manage to say pretty much whatever you want while still being unbelievably kind. I like being in this house with you, and everything we do in here.”

— Ali Hazelwood