Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
Page 5 of 10

201. “Maybe that’s what he majored in at Dartmouth: Snow Shoveling. Nicely complemented by a minor in Muscles. His honors thesis was titled The Importance of Armceps in Ergonomic Excavating. Then he moved to graduate school to study How-to-Make-a-Mundane-Winter-Task-Look-Attractive Law.”

— Ali Hazelwood

202. “There was something intrinsically enjoyable in having him next to her, so physical and undeniable. She felt it on some primal, visceral level, the giddy happiness that always came with his presence.”

— Ali Hazelwood

203. “She would have loved to run to the edge of campus and scream into the void until modern civilization collapsed, but that wasn’t exactly a pressing matter.”

— Ali Hazelwood

204. “How are you?” “Good. Fine. I mean, I wish I were dead. But aside from that.”

— Ali Hazelwood

205. “The internet is a sea full of creepy, cybercriminal fish, and if Mark Zuckerberg can cover his laptop webcam with a piece of tape, I reserve the right to keep things painfully anonymous.”

— Ali Hazelwood

206. “He cradled her head with both hands, fingers sliding through her hair and holding her tight as he lowered his forehead to hers. He was warm, and smelled like himself, like safe and home.”

— Ali Hazelwood

207. “He was holding his key card and typing something in his phone, but stopped as soon as he looked up and noticed Olive. His mouth opened, and – That was it. It just stayed open.”

— Ali Hazelwood

208. “Approximately two out of three fake-dating situations will eventually involve room-sharing; 50 percent of room-sharing situations will be further complicated by the presence of only one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

209. “How the turntables,” Adam murmured.”

— Ali Hazelwood

210. “LILY SULLIVAN IS warm, personable, and sweet in a delicious Southern way.”

— Ali Hazelwood

211. “I’m not a very secretive person, mostly out of laziness: I refuse to take on the cognitive labor of tracking lies and omissions.”

— Ali Hazelwood

212. “I do reserve the right to comment on your abysmal taste in men.”

— Ali Hazelwood

213. “In my fantasies, you allow me to keep an eye on you.” I feel his lips at my temple. “And when I really let go, I imagine that you let me take care of you, too.”

— Ali Hazelwood

214. “Is he blackmailing you? Did he find out that you’re an aberration and pee in the shower?”

— Ali Hazelwood

215. “Olive felt her shoulders sag with relief and had to resist the urge to fist-pump. Take that, you stupid rom-coms. She may have fallen for the dude she’d begun to fake-date like some born-yesterday fool, but at least she wouldn’t be sharing a bed with him any time soon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

216. “And I definitely wouldn’t want you to be George.” “And why is that?” He presses his lips together. He’s even closer now. Surprisingly earnest. “It would be a waste.”

— Ali Hazelwood

217. “He tilted his head. “Standard protocol?” “Yup.” “How many times have you done this?” “Zero. But I am familiar with the trope.”

— Ali Hazelwood

218. “He studies my face for several moments, like he cannot stop on the cover or the first page, like he needs to read the whole book every time.”

— Ali Hazelwood

219. “We are our nervous systems, the complex combination of billions of neurons firing in distinctive patterns. What’s more exciting than spending my life figuring out what a little chunk of these neurons can accomplish?”

— Ali Hazelwood

220. “There hasn’t been anyone else.” His jaw tenses and works. “Since the first moment I saw you. Since the first moment I talked to you and made an ass of myself, there hasn’t been anyone else.”

— Ali Hazelwood

221. “Adam Carlsen was handsome. Adam Carlsen, with his long nose and wavy hair, with his full lips and angular face that shouldn’t have fit together but somehow did, was really, really, really handsome. Olive had no clue why it hadn’t registered before, or why what made her realize it was him putting on a plain black shirt.”

— Ali Hazelwood

222. “You’re not just anyone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

223. “I like you very much, Mara. I like talking to you. I like watching you do yoga. I like the way you always smell like sunscreen. I like how you manage to say pretty much whatever you want while still being unbelievably kind. I like being in this house with you, and everything we do in here.”

— Ali Hazelwood

224. “He’d clearly never seen a rom-com or read a romance novel in his life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

225. “Dude, stop trying so hard.” She kneeled until she was at eye level with the cage. The mouse kicked around with its little legs, its tail flopping back and forth. “You’re supposed to be bad at this. And I’m supposed to write a dissertation about how bad you are. And then you get a chunk of cheese, and I get a real job that pays real money and the joy of saying ‘I’m not that kind of doctor’ when someone is having a stroke on my airplane.”

— Ali Hazelwood

226. “I need a nap. I need a seven-year nap.”

— Ali Hazelwood

227. “He’s so tall, I have to consciously lift up my chin to meet his eyes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

228. “Just checking in. Making sure you’ve eaten enough.” I roll my eyes. “I did. Thanks, Daddy.”

— Ali Hazelwood

229. “The battery was almost dead, probably because she had forgotten to turn off the recording after her talk.”

— Ali Hazelwood

230. “Her heart may be broken, but her brain was doing just fine.”

— Ali Hazelwood

231. “Oh my God, are you trying to get citizenship? Are they deporting you back to Canada because we’ve been sharing Malcolm’s Netflix password? Tell them we didn’t know it was a federal crime. No, wait, don’t tell them anything until we get you a lawyer. And, Ol, I will marry you. I’ll get you a green card and you won’t have to –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

232. “He kisses like he’s already inside me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

233. “Because you have been secretly pining for years?” He meets my eyes squarely. “I don’t know that there was anything secret about that.”

— Ali Hazelwood

234. “But the end does happen. Unavoidably. All relationships between living beings end somewhere, somehow. That’s just the way it is. One party dies, or is called away by other biological needs. Emotions are transient by nature. They’re temporary states brought on by neurophysiological changes that aren’t meant to be long-lasting. The nervous system must revert back to homeostasis. All relationships associated with affective events are destined to end.”

— Ali Hazelwood

235. “He’d been going on and on about this amazing girl for years.”

— Ali Hazelwood

236. “Adam: Think I can smuggle this on the plane? She didn’t need to be told that she was grinning at her phone like an idiot. Olive: Well, TSA is notoriously incompetent. Olive: Though maybe not that incompetent? Adam: Too bad. Adam: Wish you were here, then.”

— Ali Hazelwood

237. “And I’ve been scared, scared like never before, that I’d hurt you.” He lifts his hand. Curves it around my cheek. “That I’d left you in some – any kind of pain. That I couldn’t make amends. Which, let me tell you, is no fun when you know in your lizard brain that you’re about five minutes from falling in love with someone.” He closes his eyes. “Maybe past. Can’t really tell.”

— Ali Hazelwood

238. “The electron to my nucleus, constantly spinning around me in the most annoying of orbits. He’s.”

— Ali Hazelwood

239. “Science, I tell myself in my inner Jeff Goldblum voice, finds a way.”

— Ali Hazelwood

240. “Dr. Carlsen, this is not something you should joke – ” “You really need to start calling me Adam. Since we’ve reportedly been dating for a while.”

— Ali Hazelwood

241. “She was going to have to bring her laptop to the toilet and write while she peed. “No problem at all,” she added, leaning even harder into her lie.”

— Ali Hazelwood

242. “Voices are like faces, after all: one never forgets them, not if they belong to people who are important. Your parents. Siblings. Best friends, partners, crushes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

243. “Sweet summer STEMlord. I promise you’re not as edgy as you think.”

— Ali Hazelwood

244. “Olive was reminded of that guy from the bathroom, from years ago. I have no idea if you’re good enough, he’d told her. What matters is whether your reason to be in academia is good enough. He’d said that Olive’s reason was the best one, and therefore, she could do this. She needed to do this.”

— Ali Hazelwood

245. “The guy whose name she never really got.”

— Ali Hazelwood

246. “He said it – “with you”- like Olive was something special, uniquely precious to him. His most beloved treasure. It made her want to shiver, and laugh, and weep at the same time. It made her happy and confused.”

— Ali Hazelwood

247. “Talking on the phone is the hardest, most stressful thing in the world, and I can’t do it with the nice lady who schedules my dental cleanings, let alone with Adam Carlsen.”

— Ali Hazelwood

248. “I’ve become like my parents,” he mused. “Exclusively committed to my job.”

— Ali Hazelwood

249. “You see this scrawny, stunted, unmuscled body? It’s built to live in parasitic symbiosis with a couch. It resists training with the force of many million ohms.”

— Ali Hazelwood

250. “A coupon for a mud bath? Lovely. It’ll feel like practice for when I’m lowered in my grave and you all fight over my money.” It’s on brand:.”

— Ali Hazelwood