Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2024 Update)
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351. “Could he be one of those people who are hyperconfident in professional settings and the total opposite in their social lives? Nah. Unlikely.”

— Ali Hazelwood

352. “That’s all I ask.”

— Ali Hazelwood

353. “The battery was almost dead, probably because she had forgotten to turn off the recording after her talk.”

— Ali Hazelwood

354. “There’s someone in my corner. A guy who loves Star Wars, and is too tall for space, and will take care of a kitten for half his life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

355. “Goodbye, Elsie.” After a beat, he adds, “It was a pleasure.”

— Ali Hazelwood

356. “You’re stubborn and misguided, and often wrong – about music and other things.”

— Ali Hazelwood

357. “He said it – “with you”- like Olive was something special, uniquely precious to him. His most beloved treasure. It made her want to shiver, and laugh, and weep at the same time. It made her happy and confused.”

— Ali Hazelwood

358. “He cradled her head with both hands, fingers sliding through her hair and holding her tight as he lowered his forehead to hers. He was warm, and smelled like himself, like safe and home.”

— Ali Hazelwood

359. “Hell, she’d probably be busy booking a full-blown psychiatric evaluation for Anh.”

— Ali Hazelwood

360. “It doesn’t matter what it says. It’s always one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

361. “Wouldn’t it be a problem that you’re faculty and I’m a graduate student?” He tilted his head, going serious. “It wouldn’t look great, but I don’t think so, no. Since I have no authority whatsoever over you and am not involved in your supervision. But I can ask around.”

— Ali Hazelwood

362. “Olive gasped. And gasped.”

— Ali Hazelwood

363. “It looks good. As in, really good. You were probably one of the most handsome men I’d ever talked to last week, but now you look even better. Not that I care about these things. I don’t care at all. I rarely notice guys, and I’m not sure why I’m noticing you, or your hair, or your clothes, or how tall and broad you are. I really don’t get it. I never care. Usually. Ugh.”

— Ali Hazelwood

364. “Hey.” The voice, deep and even, came from somewhere behind Olive, but she didn’t need to turn to know that it was Carlsen’s.”

— Ali Hazelwood

365. “Here’s the honesty: I’m in love with you. But that’s not news. Not to me, and not to you, I don’t think.”

— Ali Hazelwood

366. “Maybe I overestimated my flirting skills.”

— Ali Hazelwood

367. “The shape oh his lips under hers was like an old song, familiar and easy.”

— Ali Hazelwood

368. “I find that people like me better if they don’t have to expend emotional energy on me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

369. “I want you to marry me tomorrow so you can go on my health insurance.”

— Ali Hazelwood

370. “Greg’s dad, who stands silently next to her, popping three cubes of colby jack into his mouth with the vacant smile of someone who’s been dissociating since 1999.”

— Ali Hazelwood

371. “You lie, Elsie. Every single one of your interactions is a lie.” He crosses his arms and looms. We’re supposed to be on a tour of the department. I feel like he’s taking a tour of me. “Is this what you do with Greg, too? You code-switch a conjured, nonexistent persona he fell in love with?”

— Ali Hazelwood

372. “She was not a short woman, but he was just big.”

— Ali Hazelwood

373. “Chaotic goth misanthropy and creepy deadpan sarcasm are her brand, and I should know better than to take her seriously.”

— Ali Hazelwood

374. “Hypothesis: People who cross me will come to regret it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

375. “The guy whose name she never really got.”

— Ali Hazelwood

376. “There is no guarantee that we won’t be suctioned off the surface of the earth by a demonically possessed vacuum cleaner.”

— Ali Hazelwood

377. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a community of women trying to mind their own business must be in want of a random man’s opinion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

378. “He gave her a brief nod, and then – Olive, or at least Olive’s body, was stepping toward Adam and gingerly sitting on his thigh, her knees tucked between his spread legs. It was happening. It had happened already. Olive was here. Sitting. On. Adam. This. Yep, this. This was her life now.”

— Ali Hazelwood

379. “There’s nothing bad about taking more than five years to graduate,” he offered in a conciliatory tone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

380. “Like global warming and capitalism had a love child who’s going through a bodybuilding phase.”

— Ali Hazelwood

381. “I’ll just say you had a family emergency.” Holden winked. “Perhaps future-family emergency, how does that sound?”

— Ali Hazelwood

382. “Cat jumps on the island. He gingerly sidesteps our mugs and with a curious expression sniffs Erik’s croissant. “Oh, buddy, no,” Erik whispers. “You don’t want to do that.” Cat takes a delicate lick. Then he turns to me to stare with a horrified, betrayed expression.”

— Ali Hazelwood

383. “Have you considered getting a real girlfriend?” His eyebrow lifted. “Have you considered getting a real date?”

— Ali Hazelwood

384. “I marvel that I was given credit for my idea. Goes to show how low the bar is for cis dudes in STEM, doesn’t it?”

— Ali Hazelwood

385. “Mara on either side of me in my queen-size bed, and my heart is so full, I’m afraid it’ll overflow. Apparently this is what I am now, a unicorn rainbow marshmallow kitten creature. Bah.”

— Ali Hazelwood

386. “Hey, he’s my cousin-or-something.” Sadie pats her on the shoulder. “It’s the or something that gets me every time. You can really feel the unbreakable family ties.”

— Ali Hazelwood

387. “So if Carlsen is secretly an extraterrestrial life-form planning a takeover of Earth that will ultimately result in humanity being enslaved by evil overlords who look like cicadas, and the only way to stop him is dating him, you can tell me and I’ll inform NASA –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

388. “When the weight in her belly began to feel too heavy, her knees gave out on her and her back slid down until she sat on the floor. Olive stayed like that for a long time, trying to pretend that this wasn’t her life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

389. “And then a girl with curly dark hair and a pretty, round face plopped in the chair next to hers and muttered, “So much for the STEM programs’ commitment to inclusivity, am I right?” That was the moment everything changed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

390. “I am catastrophically, ruinously in love with you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

391. “Did you know that conservatives tend to have larger amygdalae than liberals? That taxi drivers’ hippocampi grow bigger as they memorize how to navigate London? That brain differences predict variations in personality?”

— Ali Hazelwood

392. “Before, I’d never really tried.”

— Ali Hazelwood

393. “He studies my face for several moments, like he cannot stop on the cover or the first page, like he needs to read the whole book every time.”

— Ali Hazelwood

394. “If my feelings for you haven’t changed after reading that Bella and Alice alphaverse fan fiction, I’m pretty sure we’re golden.” “It’s called omegaverse – and you said it was good!” “I said it was hot,” he corrects me. The blue slice darkens. “Actually, you should read it to me again. Now.”

— Ali Hazelwood

395. “Men were a mistake,” Sadie says. “Big mistake,” Hannah adds. “Huge.”

— Ali Hazelwood

396. “I love her nagging us because we have only vegan food in the house and she’s “sick of competing with the cats for a meager slice of chicken breast!”

— Ali Hazelwood

397. “They aren’t bad people, but I doubt they wanted a kid, and I know for sure that they weren’t fans of whatever changes my arrival brought to their lifestyle. Probably the reason they were never huge fans. We talk maybe once or twice a year now – and I’m always the one who calls. Oh well.”

— Ali Hazelwood

398. “Not anyway, but because.”

— Ali Hazelwood

399. “We are our nervous systems, the complex combination of billions of neurons firing in distinctive patterns. What’s more exciting than spending my life figuring out what a little chunk of these neurons can accomplish?”

— Ali Hazelwood

400. “There is no universe in which I’m going to let you go. I want to be with you, on you, every second of every day.”

— Ali Hazelwood