Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
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351. “I wanted to stop feeling as though I were rotting in my own aimlessness.”

— Ali Hazelwood

352. “To be fair, she was a dog person.”

— Ali Hazelwood

353. “In France, the guillotine was used as recently as 1977.”

— Ali Hazelwood

354. “A waste of what?” “Of you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

355. “I’m not being needlessly dramatic when I say that it was a whole thing. On Facebook. On the news, including 60 Minutes. Even Oprah talked about it – the Jonathan Smith-Turner Affair, the Theoretical Hoax, the Physics Scandal. Einstein rolled in his grave. Newton puked up his apple. Feynman quietly stepped in a tank of liquid helium.”

— Ali Hazelwood

356. “You have no food, man.”

— Ali Hazelwood

357. “I can give you nice. I can give you better than nice. I can give you everything.”

— Ali Hazelwood

358. “He covers his eyes. “You mean, when I asked you to dress professionally while I was wearing a T-shirt with a hole in the right armpit?” “Were you really?” “Most of my T-shirts have armpit holes. Statistically speaking, yes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

359. “Sometimes somethings are so pretty, they make everything else a little less impressive...”

— Ali Hazelwood

360. “And as far as crevasses go, it’s a good one to get stuck in.”

— Ali Hazelwood

361. “When you were three, I had to drive you to the ER because you stuck a purple crayon up your butthole. That should be your biggest regret.”

— Ali Hazelwood

362. “Zoom into 1906, and that’s where you’ll find the real moral of this tale: trusting people to stick around is a bad idea. One way or another they’ll end up gone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

363. “Dr. Deol about his son’s third-grade teacher, who still thinks Pluto is a planet; nod as Dr. Sader sips on a Capri Sun while rambling about dark matter being not a clump but a smoothly distributed wavy superfluid. It’s going well, I tell myself.”

— Ali Hazelwood

364. “I need you to understand that this is not a book you’re writing. We’re not- not two characters you can keep apart because it makes for a literary ending. These are our lives, Bee.”

— Ali Hazelwood

365. “This is my life, after all: a flaming ball of scorching, untimely awkwardness.”

— Ali Hazelwood

366. “I want to be with you, on you, every second of every day. I think – I dream of crazy things. I want you to marry me tomorrow so you can go on my health insurance.”

— Ali Hazelwood

367. “One of the people visiting town is a biologist from Stanford. He’s as tall as Jack – an impossibility, I thought, especially within the nerd community.”

— Ali Hazelwood

368. “Adam – stop,” she pleaded, and for a moment he just nuzzled his face against her folds like he had no intention of doing any such thing.”

— Ali Hazelwood

369. “I’m twenty-two.”

— Ali Hazelwood

370. “The oldies radio station plays pop songs that I remember from the early 2000s, and I stare at the yellow glow of the streetlights, wondering if I, too, am an oldie.”

— Ali Hazelwood

371. “You could be my entire world. If you let me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

372. “He said it – “with you”- like Olive was something special, uniquely precious to him. His most beloved treasure. It made her want to shiver, and laugh, and weep at the same time. It made her happy and confused.”

— Ali Hazelwood

373. “It looks good. As in, really good. You were probably one of the most handsome men I’d ever talked to last week, but now you look even better. Not that I care about these things. I don’t care at all. I rarely notice guys, and I’m not sure why I’m noticing you, or your hair, or your clothes, or how tall and broad you are. I really don’t get it. I never care. Usually. Ugh.”

— Ali Hazelwood

374. “The shape oh his lips under hers was like an old song, familiar and easy.”

— Ali Hazelwood

375. “His hair is messy, and bright, and beautiful. Not nearly as disgustingly hat-squished as mine, an inexplicable phenomenon that should be the object of several research studies.”

— Ali Hazelwood

376. “I lean my forehead against the chilly glass of the window, feeling an odd sense of isolation, as though I’m disconnected from the entire world, swaddled in a muffled white cocoon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

377. “No. I don’t want to fake–break up.”

— Ali Hazelwood

378. “But you could room with me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

379. “You just had to go and make me fall for you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

380. “Since I’ve met you exactly five times so far, and during two of those you suffered from some diabetes-related complication that required my help.” “Eight more and I get a free sub?” He snorts a laugh. “With this level of self-sabotaging, you don’t need outside help.”

— Ali Hazelwood

381. “I love Wookiees so much. Best aliens ever.”

— Ali Hazelwood

382. “Please don’t build an atomic bomb.” “Don’t tell me what to do.” He sighs. “I’ll make room for the plutonium in the cheese drawer.”

— Ali Hazelwood

383. “Dude, dates are amazing.” “No, they’re not.” “Yes. Try wrapping them in bacon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

384. “I’ve got a spare,” Jack says, finishing in twenty seconds a parallel parking job that would have taken me twenty minutes and my whole dignity.”

— Ali Hazelwood

385. “Expiration dates are for the weak.”

— Ali Hazelwood

386. “Maybe my brain is broken.” -Olive.”

— Ali Hazelwood

387. “And yet it was as if the space she was in, the whole campus, the entire city was transformed by knowing that he was back.”

— Ali Hazelwood

388. “Loneliness is here. It moulds our souls, but also our bodies.”

— Ali Hazelwood

389. “It seemed impossible that someone might look at Adam’s scientific accomplishments and find them lacking. That he could ever be anything less than the best at what he did. Was that why he was so severe in his judgment of others? Because he’d been taught to set the same impossible standards for himself?”

— Ali Hazelwood

390. “Grad school really screwed us up, didn’t it?”

— Ali Hazelwood

391. “I want to text him. I want to call him. I want to take the elevator and go downstairs to smell him. But I’m not going to. I’m not that weird. Overtly, at least.”

— Ali Hazelwood

392. “He opened his mouth, and then closed it. And then opened it again. You kissed that mouth, Olive. And it was a good kiss.”

— Ali Hazelwood

393. “Adam rolled his eyes, clearly amused. “Olive, this is my friend and collaborator. Dr. Tom Benton.”

— Ali Hazelwood

394. “My hair, eyes, sometimes even my soul, are black-hole dark. And here he is, Martian red and ocean blue.”

— Ali Hazelwood

395. “His calm acceptance of her anxiety had the exact opposite effect of Dr. Aslan’s enthusiasm: it relaxed her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

396. “Enough, she repeated to herself. What you have now, it will have to be enough.”

— Ali Hazelwood

397. “Who needs to know how to say ‘I love you’ in every language? People barely need it in one. Sometimes not even in one.”

— Ali Hazelwood

398. “You’re right. It’s not easy. But not for any reason you think.”

— Ali Hazelwood

399. “There’s nothing bad about taking more than five years to graduate,” he offered in a conciliatory tone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

400. “When the weight in her belly began to feel too heavy, her knees gave out on her and her back slid down until she sat on the floor. Olive stayed like that for a long time, trying to pretend that this wasn’t her life.”

— Ali Hazelwood