Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “He doesn’t really acknowledge my existence. Well, except to occasionally stare like I’m some roach infesting his pristine living space.”

— Ali Hazelwood

52. “Rain is my favorite kind of weather.”

— Ali Hazelwood

53. “I only knew you for twenty-four hours, but I’ve never missed anyone so much.”

— Ali Hazelwood

54. “Why not treat yourself to a good time instead of waiting for somebody else to do it?”

— Ali Hazelwood

55. “I don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I actually get to trust and like a person, which for some reason never happens. Or, almost never.”

— Ali Hazelwood

56. “Olive scowled. “Are you trying to get me to decline my offer? Is this some kind of anti–expired-contacts-wearers campaign?”

— Ali Hazelwood

57. “Las fechas de caducidad son para los cobardes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

58. “The constant feeling of not belonging, the never-ending suspicions that since so much of her life had been spent alone, then it would end the same way. That she’d never be worthy of someone caring for her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

59. “I grin. “I’m so happy for you.” She sobers up. “Don’t be. Life is pain and then you die.” “Ah, yes. I forgot.”

— Ali Hazelwood

60. “I, too, could contain two – no, a whole multitude of Elsies. Each one would be crafted, custom tailored, carefully curated with a different person in mind. I’d give everyone the me they wanted, needed, craved, and in exchange they’d care about me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

61. “She didn’t want weekends, or a decent salary. She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to be less lonely.”

— Ali Hazelwood

62. “If academia ever makes you feel like you’re not good enough or smart enough... it’s not you, it’s academia.”

— Ali Hazelwood

63. “HYPOTHESIS: The more I mention an attachment in an email, the less likely I will be to actually include said attachment.”

— Ali Hazelwood

64. “Here’s the honesty: I’m in love with you. But that’s not news. Not to me, and not to you, I don’t think.”

— Ali Hazelwood

65. “In Olive’s defense, the man didn’t seem to mind the kiss too much.”

— Ali Hazelwood

66. “But a good kiss will do that: make a girl forget herself for a while.”

— Ali Hazelwood

67. “Why does Tim look terrified?” He gives me an innocent look. “He does?” “Levi. What did you say to him?”

— Ali Hazelwood

68. “Academia has its own special way of tearing apart work-life balance, wearing people down, and making them forget that they are worth more than the number of papers they publish or the grant money they are able to rake in.”

— Ali Hazelwood

69. “The more I need my brain to be on top of its game, the higher the probability that it will freeze on me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

70. “It hit her then what was so special about Adam. That no matter his reputation, or how rocky their first meeting, since the very beginning, Olive had felt that he was on her side. Over and over, and in ways that she could never have anticipated, he had made her feel unjudged. Less alone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

71. “Example: “Based on the available information and the data hitherto collected, my hypothesis is that the farther away I stay from love, the better off I will be.”

— Ali Hazelwood

72. “I can give you nice. I can give you better than nice. I can give you everything.” He smiles at me, full of hope. “You don’t even have to admit to yourself that you love me, Bee. God knows I love you enough for the both of us.”

— Ali Hazelwood

73. “You’re pathologically independent and don’t let others come close out of fear that they’ll eventually leave you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

74. “If there was something she could empathize with, it was scientific studies coming to an abrupt halt because of a lack of resources.”

— Ali Hazelwood

75. “She’s everything I ever wanted and I want to inject her into my veins and also to never see her again.”

— Ali Hazelwood

76. “You can introduce me to the hamster.” “Guinea pig.” “Pretty sure they’re the same thing.”

— Ali Hazelwood

77. “Because he had powerful friends in high places, and we thought no one would believe us. Because he could make or break careers. Because we felt that there was no real system in place to ask for help.”

— Ali Hazelwood

78. “There were two beds in the hotel room.”

— Ali Hazelwood

79. “Thank you, Oh Penised Overlords, for the recognition I deserve.”

— Ali Hazelwood

80. “Adam Carlsen was handsome. Adam Carlsen, with his long nose and wavy hair, with his full lips and angular face that shouldn’t have fit together but somehow did, was really, really, really handsome.”

— Ali Hazelwood

81. “If I have it, it’s yours.”

— Ali Hazelwood

82. “I’m terrified of everything, as you can see. So, instead of telling you that truth, I will tell you another truth. A truth that, I think, will be best for you. A truth that will take me out of the equation, but will make its result better. Because I’m starting to wonder if this is what being in love is. Being okay with ripping yourself to shreds, so the other person can stay whole.”

— Ali Hazelwood

83. “It sounds sketchy. Like he’s trying to lure me to a secondary location to traffic me to people who’ll harvest my femurs to make handles for badminton racquets.”

— Ali Hazelwood

84. “The line of his jaw, so sharp it could cut a heart.”

— Ali Hazelwood

85. “Adam smiles, too, and thinks, This is it. He thinks, I love you. He thinks, Maybe, one day, you’ll even let me tell you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

86. “There is something about you. That you tirelessly study people. Figure out who they are, what they want, and then mold yourself into whatever shape you think will fit them. I’ve seen you play half a dozen different roles for half a dozen different situations, switching personalities like you’re channel surfing, and I still have no idea who you are.”

— Ali Hazelwood

87. “I’m a cave troll. I’m so unpleasant to be around, I make him clumsy. The sheer power I hold.”

— Ali Hazelwood

88. “It never occurred to Olive that Dr. Adam Carlsen – known ass – had called her by her name.”

— Ali Hazelwood

89. “I know it’s scary, being vulnerable, but you can allow yourself to care. You can want to be with people as more than just friends or casual acquaintances.”

— Ali Hazelwood

90. “My job is to form rigorous researchers who won’t publish useless or harmful crap that will set back our field. Academia is cluttered with terrible science and mediocre scientists. I couldn’t care less about how your friends perceive me, as long as their work is up to standard. If they want to drop out when told that it’s not, then so be it. Not everyone has what it takes to be a scientist, and those who don’t should be weeded out.”

— Ali Hazelwood

91. “You are not mediocre, Olive. You were not invited to speak because people think that you are my girlfriend – there is no such thing, since SBD’s abstracts go through a blind review process. I would know, because I’ve been roped into reviewing them in the past. And the work you presented is important, rigorous and brilliant.” He took a deep breath. His shoulders rose and fell in time with the thudding of her heart. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

92. “Chaotic goth misanthropy and creepy deadpan sarcasm are her brand, and I should know better than to take her seriously.”

— Ali Hazelwood

93. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a community of women trying to mind their own business must be in want of a random man’s opinion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

94. “He gave her a brief nod, and then – Olive, or at least Olive’s body, was stepping toward Adam and gingerly sitting on his thigh, her knees tucked between his spread legs. It was happening. It had happened already. Olive was here. Sitting. On. Adam. This. Yep, this. This was her life now.”

— Ali Hazelwood

95. “I love her nagging us because we have only vegan food in the house and she’s “sick of competing with the cats for a meager slice of chicken breast!”

— Ali Hazelwood

96. “I’m 99,9 percent sure that I am right –and 43 percent sure that I am wrong.”

— Ali Hazelwood

97. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

— Ali Hazelwood

98. “He’s fully clothed, barely touching a woman who’s fully clothed herself, and yet this kiss is without a doubt the most profoundly erotic experience of his life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

99. “If that dinner was “not bad,” then I’m a K-pop idol.”

— Ali Hazelwood

100. “See, that’s the thing I hate the most about adulting: at some point, one has to start doing it.”

— Ali Hazelwood