Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
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251. “My voice breaks on the last word, and now I’m crying. Not full-on bawling like when I watch The Lion King or the first ten minutes of Up, but quiet, sparse, implacable tears that I have no hope of stopping.”

— Ali Hazelwood

252. “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you’re not worth people’s time and effort, and that if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.” He says it matter-of-fact, like he’s Archimedes of Syracuse repeating his findings about upward buoyant forces to the acropolis for the tenth time. “That’s not how love works, Elsie. But don’t worry for now. I’ll show you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

253. “It seemed like a lose-lose, and then lose again, and then lose some more, type of situation. It seemed insane.”

— Ali Hazelwood

254. “What will I do with all this knowledge I have of his likes and dislikes? This knowledge of him? Where will it go once he’s not in my life anymore?”

— Ali Hazelwood

255. “For the life of me, I can’t remember a better activity than staying at home in my pj’s and hanging out with my roommate.”

— Ali Hazelwood

256. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Or makes you resent your pathological inability to set boundaries, one or the two.”

— Ali Hazelwood

257. “Dr. Carlsen, this is not something you should joke – ” “You really need to start calling me Adam. Since we’ve reportedly been dating for a while.”

— Ali Hazelwood

258. “She was going to have to bring her laptop to the toilet and write while she peed. “No problem at all,” she added, leaning even harder into her lie.”

— Ali Hazelwood

259. “Voices are like faces, after all: one never forgets them, not if they belong to people who are important. Your parents. Siblings. Best friends, partners, crushes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

260. “Sweet summer STEMlord. I promise you’re not as edgy as you think.”

— Ali Hazelwood

261. “Olive was reminded of that guy from the bathroom, from years ago. I have no idea if you’re good enough, he’d told her. What matters is whether your reason to be in academia is good enough. He’d said that Olive’s reason was the best one, and therefore, she could do this. She needed to do this.”

— Ali Hazelwood

262. “The guy whose name she never really got.”

— Ali Hazelwood

263. “Talking on the phone is the hardest, most stressful thing in the world, and I can’t do it with the nice lady who schedules my dental cleanings, let alone with Adam Carlsen.”

— Ali Hazelwood

264. “I’ve become like my parents,” he mused. “Exclusively committed to my job.”

— Ali Hazelwood

265. “You see this scrawny, stunted, unmuscled body? It’s built to live in parasitic symbiosis with a couch. It resists training with the force of many million ohms.”

— Ali Hazelwood

266. “A coupon for a mud bath? Lovely. It’ll feel like practice for when I’m lowered in my grave and you all fight over my money.” It’s on brand:.”

— Ali Hazelwood

267. “But I did grow up in a hostile uncommunicative environment. I was an uncommunicative person before I realized that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life like that.”

— Ali Hazelwood

268. “Likely. Actually, scratch that, you probably don’t like ice cream anyway, because you don’t enjoy anything that’s good in life.” She kept on walking, pensively chewing on her lower lip. “Maybe the cafeteria has some raw broccoli?” “I don’t deserve this verbal abuse on top of the flu shot.” She beamed. “You’re such a trooper. Even though the big bad needle is out to get you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

269. “And then she felt her blood pulsate in her eyelids, which couldn’t be healthy, but – Yes. Yes! She had a taker. Almost. Probably? Maybe. Definitely maybe. Tom Benton had said “good.” He had said that it sounded “good.” It had to be a “good” sign, right?”

— Ali Hazelwood

270. “I like to see you. When you’re not trying to be someone else.”

— Ali Hazelwood

271. “Loneliness is not abstract and intangible – metaphors about desert islands and mismatched shoes, Edward Hopper’s characters staring at windows, Fiona Apple’s entire discography. Loneliness is here. It molds our souls, but also our bodies.”

— Ali Hazelwood

272. “It had been one year. Exactly one year. And by now his body was so familiar to her, she knew the breadth of his shoulders, the scratch of his stubble, the scent of his skin, all by heart; she could feel the smile in his eyes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

273. “Listen” – she made to stand from the chair, panic rising in her throat – “I’m sorry, but if one of the reasons you offered to fake-date is that you thought that we would – ” “No.” The word half exploded out of him. He looked genuinely appalled. “I’m shocked that you’d even feel the need to bring it up.”

— Ali Hazelwood

274. “I kind of liked it. In fact, I think I had an orgasm when it happened.” “I bet.” His eyes darken around.”

— Ali Hazelwood

275. “But before I can say anything, he cups my cheek and leans down to kiss me once more. This time it’s sweet, slow, savoring. Patient. This time it’s lingering and gentle – everything our other kiss wasn’t. I want to try them all. All the kisses Levi Ward is capable of, I want to sample them like fine wine.”

— Ali Hazelwood

276. “Not to kill anyone’s buzz, but I’m starting to suspect that life might not always turn out the way you want.”

— Ali Hazelwood

277. “Olive was twenty-three and alone in the world. She didn’t want weekends, or a decent salary. She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to be less lonely. But since that was impossible, she’d settle for fixing what she could.”

— Ali Hazelwood

278. “Had she hallucinated it? Had Adam really just pushed a giant truck all by himself? Was he an alien from planet Krypton who moonlighted as a superhero?”

— Ali Hazelwood

279. “We were terrified, and probably somewhere deep down we were convinced that we’d signed up for it and we deserved it. That we were failures who would never amount to anything.”

— Ali Hazelwood

280. “I broke up with him. Told him he wasn’t pink enough.” She shrugs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

281. “Ungrateful creatures. I love them.”

— Ali Hazelwood

282. “Pretty, yeah, sure, but in a medium, nondescript way. And yet, my medium mediumness is the perfect blank slate to fill. An empty canvas to paint on. A bolt of fabric that can be custom tailored on – well. I’m sure everyone’s tracking the metaphor.”

— Ali Hazelwood

283. “I’ve been to tons of these back at Northeastern, and all they manage to show is that we academics are awkward, resentful nerds unable to interact with our colleagues without litres of ethanolic lubricant.”

— Ali Hazelwood

284. “Mara on either side of me in my queen-size bed, and my heart is so full, I’m afraid it’ll overflow. Apparently this is what I am now, a unicorn rainbow marshmallow kitten creature. Bah.”

— Ali Hazelwood

285. “You’re so big.” He groaned into her neck. His entire body was vibrating with tension. “You can take it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

286. “I think – I dream of crazy things. I want you to marry me tomorrow so you can go on my health insurance. I want to lock you in my room for a couple of weeks. I want to buy groceries based on what you like.”

— Ali Hazelwood

287. “I miss not having to google whether I’m having a psychotic episode.”

— Ali Hazelwood

288. “He smiles, and the thought that I could have died – I could have died – without being smiled sat like this, by this man, has my lips trembling.”

— Ali Hazelwood

289. “It reminds me of grad school, when we couldn’t afford therapy and we’d engage in some healthy communal bitching every other night, just to survive the madness.”

— Ali Hazelwood

290. “Ol, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s head over feet. There is no way he’ll want to move to Boston if you’re not going – and I’m sure as hell not letting you go work for this dipshit...”

— Ali Hazelwood

291. “I guess this is it – being in love. Truly in love. Lots and lots of horrible, wondrous, violent emotions. It doesn’t suit me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

292. “My eyes spring open. I’m not dreaming anymore.”

— Ali Hazelwood

293. “Politicky interesting. So, no.”

— Ali Hazelwood

294. “Pumpkin spice is Satan’s dandruff, harbinger of the apocalypse, and it tastes like ass – not in the good way.”

— Ali Hazelwood

295. “It would be lots of work in little time, but who needed sleep? Or bathroom breaks?”

— Ali Hazelwood

296. “Maybe you just pull out the best in me?”

— Ali Hazelwood

297. “Can I ask you a question?”

— Ali Hazelwood

298. “Then he hugs me back. He lifts me up like he’s too happy for me to even consider stopping himself, like this phone call I just had that changed my life changed his, too, like he’s been wanting this as much and as intensely as I have. And when he spins me around the room, one single, perfect whirl of pure happiness, that’s when I realize it. How incredibly, utterly gone for this man I am.”

— Ali Hazelwood

299. “I doubt a language exists in which the thing you just ordered could be referred to as ’coffee.”

— Ali Hazelwood

300. “MARIE: Did she at least get ugly while she was gone? SHMAC: She’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

— Ali Hazelwood