Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2024 Update)
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251. “I guess this is it – being in love. Truly in love. Lots and lots of horrible, wondrous, violent emotions. It doesn’t suit me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

252. “He cradled her head with both hands, fingers sliding through her hair and holding her tight as he lowered his forehead to hers. He was warm, and smelled like himself, like safe and home.”

— Ali Hazelwood

253. “Olive was reminded of that guy from the bathroom, from years ago. I have no idea if you’re good enough, he’d told her. What matters is whether your reason to be in academia is good enough. He’d said that Olive’s reason was the best one, and therefore, she could do this. She needed to do this.”

— Ali Hazelwood

254. “Hell, she’d probably be busy booking a full-blown psychiatric evaluation for Anh.”

— Ali Hazelwood

255. “It doesn’t matter what it says. It’s always one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

256. “I find that people like me better if they don’t have to expend emotional energy on me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

257. “She was not a short woman, but he was just big.”

— Ali Hazelwood

258. “Hypothesis: People who cross me will come to regret it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

259. “The guy whose name she never really got.”

— Ali Hazelwood

260. “Your therapist sounds great.” “He was.” “But i still want to commit patricide.”

— Ali Hazelwood

261. “Have you considered getting a real girlfriend?” His eyebrow lifted. “Have you considered getting a real date?”

— Ali Hazelwood

262. “She was going to lose her visa and her only source of income and move back to Canada, where it snowed all the time and people ate moose heart and –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

263. “I am catastrophically, ruinously in love with you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

264. “Men were a mistake,” Sadie says. “Big mistake,” Hannah adds. “Huge.”

— Ali Hazelwood

265. “We are our nervous systems, the complex combination of billions of neurons firing in distinctive patterns. What’s more exciting than spending my life figuring out what a little chunk of these neurons can accomplish?”

— Ali Hazelwood

266. “Bee has a useless parasympathetic nervous system, which is an endless source of entertainment,” Levi explains to Penny. “Excuse me.” I scowl. “Some of us don’t have the luxury of stable blood pressure.”

— Ali Hazelwood

267. “I’m used to being scared. I live my life in fear – fear of being abandoned, fear of failing, fear of losing everything.”

— Ali Hazelwood

268. “Ssh.” His arm slid around her waist, his hand coming to rest on her hip in a gesture that should have been unpleasant but just felt reassuring. His voice was low when he added, “It’s fine.” The words vibrated in her ear, rich and warm. “More material for my Title IX complaint.”

— Ali Hazelwood

269. “Reike’s all about seeing new places and making new memories, but to me, if you constantly go after new things, there’s never enough of anything.”

— Ali Hazelwood

270. “Adam could convince her to let him take care of her. He doesn’t want anything in return. She doesn’t need to fall for him, because he loves her enough for the both of them.”

— Ali Hazelwood

271. “What will I do with all this knowledge I have of his likes and dislikes? This knowledge of him? Where will it go once he’s not in my life anymore?”

— Ali Hazelwood

272. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Or makes you resent your pathological inability to set boundaries, one or the two.”

— Ali Hazelwood

273. “There was a smooth charm to him. He was young to be a professor, though not as young as Adam. And he was tall, though not as tall as Adam. And he was handsome, though... yeah. Not as handsome as Adam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

274. “Olive was twenty-three and alone in the world. She didn’t want weekends, or a decent salary. She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to be less lonely. But since that was impossible, she’d settle for fixing what she could.”

— Ali Hazelwood

275. “Is he blackmailing you? Did he find out that you’re an aberration and pee in the shower?”

— Ali Hazelwood

276. “A pause. “You are a brilliant engineer who knows the Premier League stats of the past three decades off the top of your head. Physically, you are the uncanny combination of every single feature I’ve ever found attractive – no, I will not expand on that. And you saved me on your phone as Corporate Thor, even after I gave you my full name.”

— Ali Hazelwood

277. “I broke up with him. Told him he wasn’t pink enough.” She shrugs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

278. “Ungrateful creatures. I love them.”

— Ali Hazelwood

279. “Pretty, yeah, sure, but in a medium, nondescript way. And yet, my medium mediumness is the perfect blank slate to fill. An empty canvas to paint on. A bolt of fabric that can be custom tailored on – well. I’m sure everyone’s tracking the metaphor.”

— Ali Hazelwood

280. “I leave with a promise to meet her for drinks next week when her friend Bee’s in town.”

— Ali Hazelwood

281. “He’d been going on and on about this amazing girl for years.”

— Ali Hazelwood

282. “I don’t know if this is a date,” he says, serious, “but if it isn’t, will you go on one with me?” I smile so wide, my cheeks nearly hurt.”

— Ali Hazelwood

283. “Then he hugs me back. He lifts me up like he’s too happy for me to even consider stopping himself, like this phone call I just had that changed my life changed his, too, like he’s been wanting this as much and as intensely as I have. And when he spins me around the room, one single, perfect whirl of pure happiness, that’s when I realize it. How incredibly, utterly gone for this man I am.”

— Ali Hazelwood

284. “I’m sorry about the socks, by the way.” She winced. “I know it’s a controversial topic.”

— Ali Hazelwood

285. “I doubt a language exists in which the thing you just ordered could be referred to as ’coffee.”

— Ali Hazelwood

286. “Apparently, weeping silently was her new baseline state.”

— Ali Hazelwood

287. “Because you have been secretly pining for years?” He meets my eyes squarely. “I don’t know that there was anything secret about that.”

— Ali Hazelwood

288. “My voice breaks on the last word, and now I’m crying. Not full-on bawling like when I watch The Lion King or the first ten minutes of Up, but quiet, sparse, implacable tears that I have no hope of stopping.”

— Ali Hazelwood

289. “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you’re not worth people’s time and effort, and that if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.” He says it matter-of-fact, like he’s Archimedes of Syracuse repeating his findings about upward buoyant forces to the acropolis for the tenth time. “That’s not how love works, Elsie. But don’t worry for now. I’ll show you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

290. “MARIE: Did she at least get ugly while she was gone? SHMAC: She’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

— Ali Hazelwood

291. “Please don’t build an atomic bomb.” “Don’t tell me what to do.” He sighs. “I’ll make room for the plutonium in the cheese drawer.”

— Ali Hazelwood

292. “I really wish I had the emotional fortitude to hang up on you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

293. “Like I’m as light as an Amazon delivery box, the giant ones that for some reason have only a single stick of deodorant packed inside.”

— Ali Hazelwood

294. “Clearly, sports were another thing Adam Carlsen excelled at – unfairly so.”

— Ali Hazelwood

295. “Listen” – she made to stand from the chair, panic rising in her throat – “I’m sorry, but if one of the reasons you offered to fake-date is that you thought that we would – ” “No.” The word half exploded out of him. He looked genuinely appalled. “I’m shocked that you’d even feel the need to bring it up.”

— Ali Hazelwood

296. “Reike wasn’t nearly as distraught: when I frantically explained that “pigs have families, too – a mom and a dad and siblings that will miss them,” she just nodded thoughtfully and said, “What you’re saying is, we should eat the whole family?”

— Ali Hazelwood

297. “Dude, dates are amazing.” “No, they’re not.” “Yes. Try wrapping them in bacon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

298. “But maybe I want to play with the Herschel Crater first.”

— Ali Hazelwood

299. “I’ve got a spare,” Jack says, finishing in twenty seconds a parallel parking job that would have taken me twenty minutes and my whole dignity.”

— Ali Hazelwood

300. “You seemed busy, Didn’t want to interfere.” I was replying to an urgent email.” I doubt it. I think he was writing the next great American novel.”

— Ali Hazelwood