Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “Ik hou van jou, Adam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

152. “Is he blackmailing you? Did he find out that you’re an aberration and pee in the shower?”

— Ali Hazelwood

153. “Olive felt her shoulders sag with relief and had to resist the urge to fist-pump. Take that, you stupid rom-coms. She may have fallen for the dude she’d begun to fake-date like some born-yesterday fool, but at least she wouldn’t be sharing a bed with him any time soon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

154. “And you shouldn’t have to lie about your relationship status,” he continued. “Especially not so that your friend and your boyfriend can get together guilt-free. That’s not how friendship works, last I checked.”

— Ali Hazelwood

155. “You sweet summer child.”

— Ali Hazelwood

156. “He’d been going on and on about this amazing girl for years.”

— Ali Hazelwood

157. “Then write a report about it. Due by the end of the semester. Don’t come to me bitching about it during office hours, because I will call security to escort you out.”

— Ali Hazelwood

158. “But the end does happen. Unavoidably. All relationships between living beings end somewhere, somehow. That’s just the way it is. One party dies, or is called away by other biological needs. Emotions are transient by nature. They’re temporary states brought on by neurophysiological changes that aren’t meant to be long-lasting. The nervous system must revert back to homeostasis. All relationships associated with affective events are destined to end.”

— Ali Hazelwood

159. “Probabilmente gli piaceva qualcosa di tremendo, come fare i dispetti alle mucche oppure i combattimenti tra coleotteri giapponesi.”

— Ali Hazelwood

160. “Bold of you to assume that the real me is my best hand.” That stupid, crooked half smile is back. “Foolish of you to think it isn’t.”

— Ali Hazelwood

161. “Science. Science is where it’s at.”

— Ali Hazelwood

162. “I call them the Quasimotoes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

163. “Because I’m afraid that if I hurt them with the truth, then they’ll leave me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

164. “I need a new nervous habit. Nail biting. Fidget spinners. I’ve heard great things about crystal meth.”

— Ali Hazelwood

165. “They’re young. Their frontal lobes are not fully developed yet.”

— Ali Hazelwood

166. “I need to be certain that you don’t feel like you have to be some... fantasy lay whose only focus is my pleasure. That you’re in a place where you’re able to acknowledge and articulate your needs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

167. “She’s so mean. I love her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

168. “Do you know what’s reliable instead? What never, ever abandoned Dr. Curie in all her years? Her curiosity. Her discoveries. Her accomplishments. Science. Science is where it’s at.”

— Ali Hazelwood

169. “Adam Carlsen was handsome. Adam Carlsen, with his long nose and wavy hair, with his full lips and angular face that shouldn’t have fit together but somehow did, was really, really, really handsome. Olive had no clue why it hadn’t registered before, or why what made her realize it was him putting on a plain black shirt.”

— Ali Hazelwood

170. “You’re not just anyone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

171. “I like you very much, Mara. I like talking to you. I like watching you do yoga. I like the way you always smell like sunscreen. I like how you manage to say pretty much whatever you want while still being unbelievably kind. I like being in this house with you, and everything we do in here.”

— Ali Hazelwood

172. “How are you?” “Good. Fine. I mean, I wish I were dead. But aside from that.”

— Ali Hazelwood

173. “The point is, sometimes dislike is a gut reaction. Like falling in love at first sight, you know? Just... the opposite.”

— Ali Hazelwood

174. “Caring what others think is a lot of work, and – with a handful of exceptions – I’m not a huge fan of work.”

— Ali Hazelwood

175. “He tilted his head. “Standard protocol?” “Yup.” “How many times have you done this?” “Zero. But I am familiar with the trope.”

— Ali Hazelwood

176. “You want to belong. You want someone who won’t let go. I’m it. I didn’t let go of you for years, and I didn’t even have you. But you need to let me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

177. “But I wonder if certain relationships are living proof of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle: their position and their velocity simply cannot both be measured at the same time, not even in theory.”

— Ali Hazelwood

178. “And I definitely wouldn’t want you to be George.” “And why is that?” He presses his lips together. He’s even closer now. Surprisingly earnest. “It would be a waste.”

— Ali Hazelwood

179. “And I’ve been scared, scared like never before, that I’d hurt you.” He lifts his hand. Curves it around my cheek. “That I’d left you in some – any kind of pain. That I couldn’t make amends. Which, let me tell you, is no fun when you know in your lizard brain that you’re about five minutes from falling in love with someone.” He closes his eyes. “Maybe past. Can’t really tell.”

— Ali Hazelwood

180. “He’s a way better person than I’ll ever be.”

— Ali Hazelwood

181. “He’s wearing a dark-green henley.”

— Ali Hazelwood

182. “In my fantasies, you allow me to keep an eye on you.” I feel his lips at my temple. “And when I really let go, I imagine that you let me take care of you, too.”

— Ali Hazelwood

183. “A bit theatrical, not really my thing, but I wasn’t going to complain, not when it meant someone wanted to stand by me for good. So I looked him in the eyes, choked back the tears, and said yes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

184. “It’s not a date. But if it were – which it isn’t – it would be the best date of my life. Of course, because it’s not a date, the point is moot. But. If it were. Though it’s not.”

— Ali Hazelwood

185. “God, she had forced a married man, a father, to kiss her. Now people thought that he was having an affair. His wife was probably crying into her pillow. His kids would grow up with horrible daddy issues and become serial killers.”

— Ali Hazelwood

186. “Pearl Jam’s not my favorite, but it’s good, and I hate that Levi likes good music. I need him to love Dave Matthews Band. To stan the Insane Clown Posse. To have a Nickelback tramp stamp.”

— Ali Hazelwood

187. “I do reserve the right to comment on your abysmal taste in men.”

— Ali Hazelwood

188. “Approximately two out of three fake-dating situations will eventually involve room-sharing; 50 percent of room-sharing situations will be further complicated by the presence of only one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

189. “He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.’ ” Holden popped a bit of fortune cookie in his mouth, blinking at the message inside. “Is that shade?” He looked around, indignant. “Did this fortune cookie just throw shade at me?”

— Ali Hazelwood

190. “How the turntables,” Adam murmured.”

— Ali Hazelwood

191. “Her heart may be broken, but her brain was doing just fine.”

— Ali Hazelwood

192. “He’s so tall, I have to consciously lift up my chin to meet his eyes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

193. “Everyone likes tall, broody, sullen hunks with genius IQs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

194. “It’s not my fault if I’ve spent a sizable chunk of my formative years in Italy, where time is but a polite suggestion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

195. “My favourite colour must be green, after all.”

— Ali Hazelwood

196. “He cradled her head with both hands, fingers sliding through her hair and holding her tight as he lowered his forehead to hers. He was warm, and smelled like himself, like safe and home.”

— Ali Hazelwood

197. “More material for my Title IX complaint.”

— Ali Hazelwood

198. “Your therapist sounds great.” “He was.” “But i still want to commit patricide.”

— Ali Hazelwood

199. “Have you considered getting a real girlfriend?” His eyebrow lifted. “Have you considered getting a real date?”

— Ali Hazelwood

200. “Mara on either side of me in my queen-size bed, and my heart is so full, I’m afraid it’ll overflow. Apparently this is what I am now, a unicorn rainbow marshmallow kitten creature. Bah.”

— Ali Hazelwood