Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2025 Update)
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151. “He tilted his head. “Standard protocol?” “Yup.” “How many times have you done this?” “Zero. But I am familiar with the trope.”

— Ali Hazelwood

152. “But I wonder if certain relationships are living proof of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle: their position and their velocity simply cannot both be measured at the same time, not even in theory.”

— Ali Hazelwood

153. “And I definitely wouldn’t want you to be George.” “And why is that?” He presses his lips together. He’s even closer now. Surprisingly earnest. “It would be a waste.”

— Ali Hazelwood

154. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry, okay?”

— Ali Hazelwood

155. “And I’ve been scared, scared like never before, that I’d hurt you.” He lifts his hand. Curves it around my cheek. “That I’d left you in some – any kind of pain. That I couldn’t make amends. Which, let me tell you, is no fun when you know in your lizard brain that you’re about five minutes from falling in love with someone.” He closes his eyes. “Maybe past. Can’t really tell.”

— Ali Hazelwood

156. “He’s a way better person than I’ll ever be.”

— Ali Hazelwood

157. “He’s wearing a dark-green henley.”

— Ali Hazelwood

158. “In my fantasies, you allow me to keep an eye on you.” I feel his lips at my temple. “And when I really let go, I imagine that you let me take care of you, too.”

— Ali Hazelwood

159. “A bit theatrical, not really my thing, but I wasn’t going to complain, not when it meant someone wanted to stand by me for good. So I looked him in the eyes, choked back the tears, and said yes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

160. “It’s not a date. But if it were – which it isn’t – it would be the best date of my life. Of course, because it’s not a date, the point is moot. But. If it were. Though it’s not.”

— Ali Hazelwood

161. “God, she had forced a married man, a father, to kiss her. Now people thought that he was having an affair. His wife was probably crying into her pillow. His kids would grow up with horrible daddy issues and become serial killers.”

— Ali Hazelwood

162. “Pearl Jam’s not my favorite, but it’s good, and I hate that Levi likes good music. I need him to love Dave Matthews Band. To stan the Insane Clown Posse. To have a Nickelback tramp stamp.”

— Ali Hazelwood

163. “I do reserve the right to comment on your abysmal taste in men.”

— Ali Hazelwood

164. “Approximately two out of three fake-dating situations will eventually involve room-sharing; 50 percent of room-sharing situations will be further complicated by the presence of only one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

165. “He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.’ ” Holden popped a bit of fortune cookie in his mouth, blinking at the message inside. “Is that shade?” He looked around, indignant. “Did this fortune cookie just throw shade at me?”

— Ali Hazelwood

166. “How the turntables,” Adam murmured.”

— Ali Hazelwood

167. “Her heart may be broken, but her brain was doing just fine.”

— Ali Hazelwood

168. “He’s so tall, I have to consciously lift up my chin to meet his eyes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

169. “Everyone likes tall, broody, sullen hunks with genius IQs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

170. “It’s not my fault if I’ve spent a sizable chunk of my formative years in Italy, where time is but a polite suggestion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

171. “My favourite colour must be green, after all.”

— Ali Hazelwood

172. “More material for my Title IX complaint.”

— Ali Hazelwood

173. “There hasn’t been anyone else.” His jaw tenses and works. “Since the first moment I saw you. Since the first moment I talked to you and made an ass of myself, there hasn’t been anyone else.”

— Ali Hazelwood

174. “I’ll just say you had a family emergency.” Holden winked. “Perhaps future-family emergency, how does that sound?”

— Ali Hazelwood

175. “We are our nervous systems, the complex combination of billions of neurons firing in distinctive patterns. What’s more exciting than spending my life figuring out what a little chunk of these neurons can accomplish?”

— Ali Hazelwood

176. “I’m used to being scared. I live my life in fear – fear of being abandoned, fear of failing, fear of losing everything.”

— Ali Hazelwood

177. “Adam could convince her to let him take care of her. He doesn’t want anything in return. She doesn’t need to fall for him, because he loves her enough for the both of them.”

— Ali Hazelwood

178. “Dignity is overrated.”

— Ali Hazelwood

179. “Having kids was the worst mistake of my life.” Her eldest son was standing right next to her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

180. “The electron to my nucleus, constantly spinning around me in the most annoying of orbits. He’s.”

— Ali Hazelwood

181. “Ik hou van jou, Adam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

182. “Is he blackmailing you? Did he find out that you’re an aberration and pee in the shower?”

— Ali Hazelwood

183. “Olive felt her shoulders sag with relief and had to resist the urge to fist-pump. Take that, you stupid rom-coms. She may have fallen for the dude she’d begun to fake-date like some born-yesterday fool, but at least she wouldn’t be sharing a bed with him any time soon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

184. “And you shouldn’t have to lie about your relationship status,” he continued. “Especially not so that your friend and your boyfriend can get together guilt-free. That’s not how friendship works, last I checked.”

— Ali Hazelwood

185. “You sweet summer child.”

— Ali Hazelwood

186. “Then write a report about it. Due by the end of the semester. Don’t come to me bitching about it during office hours, because I will call security to escort you out.”

— Ali Hazelwood

187. “But the end does happen. Unavoidably. All relationships between living beings end somewhere, somehow. That’s just the way it is. One party dies, or is called away by other biological needs. Emotions are transient by nature. They’re temporary states brought on by neurophysiological changes that aren’t meant to be long-lasting. The nervous system must revert back to homeostasis. All relationships associated with affective events are destined to end.”

— Ali Hazelwood

188. “Probabilmente gli piaceva qualcosa di tremendo, come fare i dispetti alle mucche oppure i combattimenti tra coleotteri giapponesi.”

— Ali Hazelwood

189. “Bold of you to assume that the real me is my best hand.” That stupid, crooked half smile is back. “Foolish of you to think it isn’t.”

— Ali Hazelwood

190. “Science. Science is where it’s at.”

— Ali Hazelwood

191. “I call them the Quasimotoes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

192. “I turn and – it’s Jack. Of course it’s Jack. The electron to my nucleus, constantly spinning around me in the most annoying of orbits.”

— Ali Hazelwood

193. “Oh my God, are you trying to get citizenship? Are they deporting you back to Canada because we’ve been sharing Malcolm’s Netflix password? Tell them we didn’t know it was a federal crime. No, wait, don’t tell them anything until we get you a lawyer. And, Ol, I will marry you. I’ll get you a green card and you won’t have to –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

194. “Levi cups my face, forehead touching mine. His hands – they are my home. “Bee. Don’t take this from us,” he murmurs. Ragged. Careful. Hopeful. “Please.” I’ve never wanted anything more than to say yes. I’ve never wished to reach for something as I do now. And I’ve never been so utterly, petrifyingly scared to lose something.”

— Ali Hazelwood

195. “You just had to go and make me fall for you, she thought, blinking against his skin. You absolute ass.”

— Ali Hazelwood

196. “It’s okay, Olive. Breathe.”

— Ali Hazelwood

197. “My eyes spring open. I’m not dreaming anymore.”

— Ali Hazelwood

198. “Qualquer boato sobre a minha vida amorosa vai se espalhar numa velocidade diretamente proporcional ao meu desejo de manter o referido boato em segredo.”

— Ali Hazelwood

199. “I laugh again, exhausted and drowsy and over the moon, and I cannot help but wonder how different this morning would be if Erik hadn’t been the one to buy Faye’s croissant. I cannot help but wonder if this is the first day of the rest of my life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

200. “Are you not letting him smack the salmon because of the article he wrote? Is this seventeen-year-old self cockblocking him from the past?”

— Ali Hazelwood