Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2024 Update)
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151. “I turn and – it’s Jack. Of course it’s Jack. The electron to my nucleus, constantly spinning around me in the most annoying of orbits.”

— Ali Hazelwood

152. “I’ve got a spare,” Jack says, finishing in twenty seconds a parallel parking job that would have taken me twenty minutes and my whole dignity.”

— Ali Hazelwood

153. “You seemed busy, Didn’t want to interfere.” I was replying to an urgent email.” I doubt it. I think he was writing the next great American novel.”

— Ali Hazelwood

154. “I kind of liked it. In fact, I think I had an orgasm when it happened.” “I bet.” His eyes darken around.”

— Ali Hazelwood

155. “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you are not worth people’ time and effort and if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

156. “Fun fact about me: I am a fairly mellow person, but I happen to have a very violent fantasy life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

157. “What kind of careless, inconsiderate boob steals the single available option from a starving, needy vegan?”

— Ali Hazelwood

158. “Because I’m afraid that if I hurt them with the truth, then they’ll leave me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

159. “He stares down at me as though I own him. As though his future hangs from my hands. As though everything he’s ever wanted, I hold it within me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

160. “Oh my God, are you trying to get citizenship? Are they deporting you back to Canada because we’ve been sharing Malcolm’s Netflix password? Tell them we didn’t know it was a federal crime. No, wait, don’t tell them anything until we get you a lawyer. And, Ol, I will marry you. I’ll get you a green card and you won’t have to –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

161. “You just had to go and make me fall for you, she thought, blinking against his skin. You absolute ass.”

— Ali Hazelwood

162. “In the grim, dark hellscape of academia, graduate students were the lowliest of creatures and therefore had to convince themselves that they were the best.”

— Ali Hazelwood

163. “It’s okay, Olive. Breathe.”

— Ali Hazelwood

164. “My eyes spring open. I’m not dreaming anymore.”

— Ali Hazelwood

165. “He says it–you–like I am a remarkable and important thing. The most precious data point; his favorite town; the loveliest, starkest Martian landscape. Even though I pushed him away, over and over, he still came in a rocking boat in the middle of the coldest ocean on planet Earth, just to keep me warm.”

— Ali Hazelwood

166. “For looking at her like she was the beginning and end of his every thought.”

— Ali Hazelwood

167. “The PR stuff, mostly. Write grants and convince people to fund my research. Network, which is a special kind of hell. Public speaking, or even one-on-one situations where I have to impress people. That’s the worst, actually. I hate it so much – my head explodes and I freeze and everyone is looking at me ready to judge me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

168. “Qualquer boato sobre a minha vida amorosa vai se espalhar numa velocidade diretamente proporcional ao meu desejo de manter o referido boato em segredo.”

— Ali Hazelwood

169. “It sounds sketchy. Like he’s trying to lure me to a secondary location.”

— Ali Hazelwood

170. “He leisurely puts his arm on the back of my chair, and plucks a grape from my plate. A deafening silence falls at the table. Everyone is looking at us. Everyone. “What about you, Mike?” Levi asks without bothering to look up from my food. “I heard there were problems with your tenure packet. How’s that coming along?”

— Ali Hazelwood

171. “I watch him scratch his – big – neck, then cross his – wide – biceps on his – broad – chest.”

— Ali Hazelwood

172. “I need a new nervous habit. Nail biting. Fidget spinners. I’ve heard great things about crystal meth.”

— Ali Hazelwood

173. “What’s the point of sharing 100 percent of your DNA with a person if you can’t wake them up for an emergency chat.”

— Ali Hazelwood

174. “Academia was nothing but a bunch of busy people running around busily.”

— Ali Hazelwood

175. “This war of ours, the one between the Vampyres and the Weres, began several centuries ago with brutal escalations of violence, culminated amid flowing torrents of varicolored blood, and ended in a whimper of buttercream cake on the day I met my husband for the first time. Which, as it happens, was also the day of our wedding.”

— Ali Hazelwood

176. “There was something about the way he talked. Maybe it was an accent maybe just the quality of his voice. Olive doesn’t quite know what, but it was there, in the way he said her name. Precise. Careful. Deep. Unlike anyone else. Familiar-impossibly so.”

— Ali Hazelwood

177. “Politicky interesting. So, no.”

— Ali Hazelwood

178. “Somewhere in the universe antimatter is being produced, and it’s all because of this. Because of us.”

— Ali Hazelwood

179. “His voice was deep. So deep. Really deep. Dreamy deep.”

— Ali Hazelwood

180. “Are you not letting him smack the salmon because of the article he wrote? Is this seventeen-year-old self cockblocking him from the past?”

— Ali Hazelwood

181. “They should just give him a cot and donate the money to worthy causes. Endangered whales. Psoriasis. Olive.”

— Ali Hazelwood

182. “He was holding his key card and typing something in his phone, but stopped as soon as he looked up and noticed Olive. His mouth opened, and – That was it. It just stayed open.”

— Ali Hazelwood

183. “Talking on the phone is the hardest, most stressful thing in the world, and I can’t do it with the nice lady who schedules my dental cleanings, let alone with Adam Carlsen.”

— Ali Hazelwood

184. “Because it is. Don’t you watch rom-coms?”

— Ali Hazelwood

185. “You see this scrawny, stunted, unmuscled body? It’s built to live in parasitic symbiosis with a couch. It resists training with the force of many million ohms.”

— Ali Hazelwood

186. “An old woman and a newborn calf. Wretched little me, still containing multitudes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

187. “His hair is messy, and bright, and beautiful. Not nearly as disgustingly hat-squished as mine, an inexplicable phenomenon that should be the object of several research studies.”

— Ali Hazelwood

188. “They’re young. Their frontal lobes are not fully developed yet.”

— Ali Hazelwood

189. “A coupon for a mud bath? Lovely. It’ll feel like practice for when I’m lowered in my grave and you all fight over my money.” It’s on brand:.”

— Ali Hazelwood

190. “An empty canvas to paint on. A mirror, reflecting only what others care to project. A bolt of fabric that can be custom tailored to.”

— Ali Hazelwood

191. “I need to be certain that you don’t feel like you have to be some... fantasy lay whose only focus is my pleasure. That you’re in a place where you’re able to acknowledge and articulate your needs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

192. “And remember my hand.”

— Ali Hazelwood

193. “I lean my forehead against the chilly glass of the window, feeling an odd sense of isolation, as though I’m disconnected from the entire world, swaddled in a muffled white cocoon.”

— Ali Hazelwood

194. “He always seemed like such a man’s man, after all. Different from the boys that surrounded me. Serious, disciplined, a little broody. Intense and gifted. Alpha, whatever that even means.”

— Ali Hazelwood

195. “But I did grow up in a hostile uncommunicative environment. I was an uncommunicative person before I realized that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life like that.”

— Ali Hazelwood

196. “There is no other neuroscientist I’d want to do this project with. Not a single one.”

— Ali Hazelwood

197. “Children’s librarian seemed like a great fake profession. It’s been fun scouring online forums in search of charming anecdotes. “Today I found three Goldfish crackers in our best copy of Matilda,” I say with a smile. Or at least, Reddit user iluvbigbooks did.”

— Ali Hazelwood

198. “He’d clearly never seen a rom-com or read a romance novel in his life.”

— Ali Hazelwood

199. “She’s so mean. I love her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

200. “Why does Tim look terrified?” He gives me an innocent look. “He does?” “Levi. What did you say to him?”

— Ali Hazelwood