Top 500 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
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151. “Are you not letting him smack the salmon because of the article he wrote? Is this seventeen-year-old self cockblocking him from the past?”

— Ali Hazelwood

152. “You kiss him and next thing you know he’s saving your ass and he’s buying you scones and calling you a smart-ass in a weirdly affectionate tone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

153. “You’re supposed to be bad at this. And I’m supposed to write a www ajpdf com dissertation about how bad you are. And then you get a chunk of cheese, and I get a real job that pays real money and the joy of saying ‘I’m not that kind of doctor’ when someone is having a stroke on my airplane.”

— Ali Hazelwood

154. “The electron to my nucleus, constantly spinning around me in the most annoying of orbits. He’s.”

— Ali Hazelwood

155. “The point is, sometimes dislike is a gut reaction. Like falling in love at first sight, you know? Just... the opposite.”

— Ali Hazelwood

156. “She sighed. “You know, when I have no more friends and everyone hates me because of this fake-dating thing, I’ll be super lonely and you are going to have to hang out with me every day. I’ll annoy you all the time. Is it really worth being mean to every grad in the program?” “Absolutely.”

— Ali Hazelwood

157. “I like to see you. When you’re not trying to be someone else.”

— Ali Hazelwood

158. “Listen” – she made to stand from the chair, panic rising in her throat – “I’m sorry, but if one of the reasons you offered to fake-date is that you thought that we would – ” “No.” The word half exploded out of him. He looked genuinely appalled. “I’m shocked that you’d even feel the need to bring it up.”

— Ali Hazelwood

159. “The bar’s so low, you could pick it up and beat him with it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

160. “Graduate school success depends on qualities that are not measured by the GRE – we all know it. Why aren’t we moving toward a holistic approach to graduate admission? Also, the GRE costs hundreds of dollars! Who has the financial solubility for that? Or for the prep courses, the materials, the tutors? Let me tell you who doesn’t: not-rich people.”

— Ali Hazelwood

161. “You want to belong. You want someone who won’t let go. I’m it. I didn’t let go of you for years, and I didn’t even have you. But you need to let me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

162. “Yep. I’m so glad he finally scrounged up the courage to ask you out. He’d been going on and on about this ‘amazing girl’ for years, but he was concerned about being in the same department, and you know how he is... ” He shrugged and waved his hand. “I’m glad he finally managed to pull his head out of his ass.”

— Ali Hazelwood

163. “Is there a problem?” “Yes. Several. Global warming, systemic racism, the overpopulation of ecological niches, the unnecessary American remake of Swedish romantic horror masterpiece Let the Right One In –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

164. “Olive had felt that he was on her side. Over and over, and in ways that she could never have anticipated, he had made her feel unjudged. Less alone.”

— Ali Hazelwood

165. “Bold of you to assume that the real me is my best hand.” That stupid, crooked half smile is back. “Foolish of you to think it isn’t.”

— Ali Hazelwood

166. “There was something intrinsically enjoyable in having him next to her, so physical and undeniable. She felt it on some primal, visceral level, the giddy happiness that always came with his presence.”

— Ali Hazelwood

167. “Adam could convince her to let him take care of her. He doesn’t want anything in return. She doesn’t need to fall for him, because he loves her enough for the both of them.”

— Ali Hazelwood

168. “I want to try them all. All the kisses Levi Ward is capable of, I want to sample them like fine wine.”

— Ali Hazelwood

169. “I deserve you least of all. But I want you the most.”

— Ali Hazelwood

170. “Grad school was a mistake, but now it’s too late to back out of it because my self-worth is unbreakably tied to my academic performance, and what would even be left of me if I decide to drop out?”

— Ali Hazelwood

171. “Have you considered that maybe you’re already the way I want you to be? That maybe there are no signals because nothing needs to be changed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

172. “It’s not my fault if I’ve spent a sizable chunk of my formative years in Italy, where time is but a polite suggestion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

173. “Maybe I overestimated my flirting skills.”

— Ali Hazelwood

174. “Hypothesis: People who cross me will come to regret it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

175. “They’re young. Their frontal lobes are not fully developed yet.”

— Ali Hazelwood

176. “Is everything okay?” He said it looking into her eyes, in a low, intimate tone. Like they were alone. Like Anh was not there. He said it in a way that should have made Olive uncomfortable but didn’t. For some inexplicable reason his presence in the room soothed her, even though until a second ago she had been freaking out. Perhaps two different types of unease neutralized each other?”

— Ali Hazelwood

177. “I turn and – it’s Jack. Of course it’s Jack. The electron to my nucleus, constantly spinning around me in the most annoying of orbits.”

— Ali Hazelwood

178. “Ik hou van jou, Adam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

179. “I’ve never been surer of anything. Except maybe cell theory.”

— Ali Hazelwood

180. “Caring what others think is a lot of work, and – with a handful of exceptions – I’m not a huge fan of work.”

— Ali Hazelwood

181. “Impossible. Improbable. Inconceivable. Just like everything else about Adam and Olive.”

— Ali Hazelwood

182. “He’s so tall, I have to consciously lift up my chin to meet his eyes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

183. “Oh my God, are you trying to get citizenship? Are they deporting you back to Canada because we’ve been sharing Malcolm’s Netflix password? Tell them we didn’t know it was a federal crime. No, wait, don’t tell them anything until we get you a lawyer. And, Ol, I will marry you. I’ll get you a green card and you won’t have to –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

184. “He says it–you–like I am a remarkable and important thing. The most precious data point; his favorite town; the loveliest, starkest Martian landscape. Even though I pushed him away, over and over, he still came in a rocking boat in the middle of the coldest ocean on planet Earth, just to keep me warm.”

— Ali Hazelwood

185. “And I’ve been scared, scared like never before, that I’d hurt you.” He lifts his hand. Curves it around my cheek. “That I’d left you in some – any kind of pain. That I couldn’t make amends. Which, let me tell you, is no fun when you know in your lizard brain that you’re about five minutes from falling in love with someone.” He closes his eyes. “Maybe past. Can’t really tell.”

— Ali Hazelwood

186. “Science, I tell myself in my inner Jeff Goldblum voice, finds a way.”

— Ali Hazelwood

187. “For the life of me, I can’t remember a better activity than staying at home in my pj’s and hanging out with my roommate.”

— Ali Hazelwood

188. “I’m wearing my modesty froth.”

— Ali Hazelwood

189. “Sweet summer STEMlord. I promise you’re not as edgy as you think.”

— Ali Hazelwood

190. “I want to buy her flowers, food, books.”

— Ali Hazelwood

191. “Everyone likes tall, broody, sullen hunks with genius IQs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

192. “My favourite colour must be green, after all.”

— Ali Hazelwood

193. “More material for my Title IX complaint.”

— Ali Hazelwood

194. “It looks good. As in, really good. You were probably one of the most handsome men I’d ever talked to last week, but now you look even better. Not that I care about these things. I don’t care at all. I rarely notice guys, and I’m not sure why I’m noticing you, or your hair, or your clothes, or how tall and broad you are. I really don’t get it. I never care. Usually. Ugh.”

— Ali Hazelwood

195. “I need to be certain that you don’t feel like you have to be some... fantasy lay whose only focus is my pleasure. That you’re in a place where you’re able to acknowledge and articulate your needs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

196. “Children’s librarian seemed like a great fake profession. It’s been fun scouring online forums in search of charming anecdotes. “Today I found three Goldfish crackers in our best copy of Matilda,” I say with a smile. Or at least, Reddit user iluvbigbooks did.”

— Ali Hazelwood

197. “Likely. Actually, scratch that, you probably don’t like ice cream anyway, because you don’t enjoy anything that’s good in life.” She kept on walking, pensively chewing on her lower lip. “Maybe the cafeteria has some raw broccoli?” “I don’t deserve this verbal abuse on top of the flu shot.” She beamed. “You’re such a trooper. Even though the big bad needle is out to get you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

198. “He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.’ ” Holden popped a bit of fortune cookie in his mouth, blinking at the message inside. “Is that shade?” He looked around, indignant. “Did this fortune cookie just throw shade at me?”

— Ali Hazelwood

199. “Please don’t build an atomic bomb.” “Don’t tell me what to do.” He sighs. “I’ll make room for the plutonium in the cheese drawer.”

— Ali Hazelwood

200. “I call them the Quasimotoes.”

— Ali Hazelwood