Top 500 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “My job is to run from you. As you can probably imagine, this puts us at odds, even more so because you’re not the type to half-ass anything. In fact, you want to kill me so bad, you just stopped someone else so that you’d be the one to do the honors. Frankly, I admire your commitment.”

— Ali Hazelwood

302. “I think – I dream of crazy things. I want you to marry me tomorrow so you can go on my health insurance. I want to lock you in my room for a couple of weeks. I want to buy groceries based on what you like.”

— Ali Hazelwood

303. “I miss not having to google whether I’m having a psychotic episode.”

— Ali Hazelwood

304. “He smiles, and the thought that I could have died – I could have died – without being smiled sat like this, by this man, has my lips trembling.”

— Ali Hazelwood

305. “I can be brave. I can be anything for noodles.”

— Ali Hazelwood

306. “It reminds me of grad school, when we couldn’t afford therapy and we’d engage in some healthy communal bitching every other night, just to survive the madness.”

— Ali Hazelwood

307. “I guess this is it – being in love. Truly in love. Lots and lots of horrible, wondrous, violent emotions. It doesn’t suit me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

308. “She felt her cheeks curve into a smile, trying to imagine what he was listening to. Probably Coil, or Kraftwerk. The Velvet Underground. A TED Talk on water-efficient landscaping. Whale noises.”

— Ali Hazelwood

309. “My eyes spring open. I’m not dreaming anymore.”

— Ali Hazelwood

310. “I watch him scratch his – big – neck, then cross his – wide – biceps on his – broad – chest.”

— Ali Hazelwood

311. “Politicky interesting. So, no.”

— Ali Hazelwood

312. “Pumpkin spice is Satan’s dandruff, harbinger of the apocalypse, and it tastes like ass – not in the good way.”

— Ali Hazelwood

313. “It would be lots of work in little time, but who needed sleep? Or bathroom breaks?”

— Ali Hazelwood

314. “Maybe you just pull out the best in me?”

— Ali Hazelwood

315. “Can I ask you a question?”

— Ali Hazelwood

316. “That way if something goes wrong, if someone rejects you, then it’s not about you, is it? When you’re yourself, that’s when you’re exposed. Vulnerable.”

— Ali Hazelwood

317. “It has to be love. It’s expansive and all-consuming and full and joyous. Hungry. Thick. At once heavy and light. Everywhere and golden. It’s him and me and the myriad of little strings that tangle us together.”

— Ali Hazelwood

318. “Then he hugs me back. He lifts me up like he’s too happy for me to even consider stopping himself, like this phone call I just had that changed my life changed his, too, like he’s been wanting this as much and as intensely as I have. And when he spins me around the room, one single, perfect whirl of pure happiness, that’s when I realize it. How incredibly, utterly gone for this man I am.”

— Ali Hazelwood

319. “I doubt a language exists in which the thing you just ordered could be referred to as ’coffee.”

— Ali Hazelwood

320. “MARIE: Did she at least get ugly while she was gone? SHMAC: She’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

— Ali Hazelwood

321. “Sometimes I’m scared that I imagined you. Sometimes I think you’re only in my head.”

— Ali Hazelwood

322. “She’s wearing a purple jumpsuit and heart-shaped sunglasses,, and her hair is pulled over her shoulder into a fishtail braid that reaches her ribcage. Her purse is shaped like a watermelon, and her necklace is a pink flower with the letter K in its middle. I want to be her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

323. “He is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to do twice as much work as he ever did in order to prove that she’s worthy of becoming a scientist.”

— Ali Hazelwood

324. “Ssh.” His arm slid around her waist, his hand coming to rest on her hip in a gesture that should have been unpleasant but just felt reassuring. His voice was low when he added, “It’s fine.” The words vibrated in her ear, rich and warm. “More material for my Title IX complaint.”

— Ali Hazelwood

325. “Reike’s all about seeing new places and making new memories, but to me, if you constantly go after new things, there’s never enough of anything.”

— Ali Hazelwood

326. “There was a smooth charm to him. He was young to be a professor, though not as young as Adam. And he was tall, though not as tall as Adam. And he was handsome, though... yeah. Not as handsome as Adam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

327. “I promise I won’t reply with unsolicited nudes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

328. “I’m afraid of the unpredictability of existing. I’m afraid of not being able to control the direction of my life. I’m afraid that no matter how much I plan, I won’t be able to avoid hurtful and sad things.”

— Ali Hazelwood

329. “Hell, she’d probably be busy booking a full-blown psychiatric evaluation for Anh.”

— Ali Hazelwood

330. “It doesn’t matter what it says. It’s always one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

331. “Greg’s dad, who stands silently next to her, popping three cubes of colby jack into his mouth with the vacant smile of someone who’s been dissociating since 1999.”

— Ali Hazelwood

332. “She was not a short woman, but he was just big.”

— Ali Hazelwood

333. “They should just give him a cot and donate the money to worthy causes. Endangered whales. Psoriasis. Olive.”

— Ali Hazelwood

334. “An old woman and a newborn calf. Wretched little me, still containing multitudes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

335. “An empty canvas to paint on. A mirror, reflecting only what others care to project. A bolt of fabric that can be custom tailored to.”

— Ali Hazelwood

336. “He always seemed like such a man’s man, after all. Different from the boys that surrounded me. Serious, disciplined, a little broody. Intense and gifted. Alpha, whatever that even means.”

— Ali Hazelwood

337. “There is no other neuroscientist I’d want to do this project with. Not a single one.”

— Ali Hazelwood

338. “From the very start, you had all the power. From the very start, I was in the palm of your hand.”

— Ali Hazelwood

339. “I would throw away my pack, my life, and my entire world for you. Which is the exact reason I cannot have you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

340. “Is the attraction in the room with us?” he asks, derisive.”

— Ali Hazelwood

341. “I think I have found a set of biomarkers. Not from tissue biopsy – blood biomarkers. Noninvasive, easy to obtain. Cheap. In mice they can detect pancreatic cancer as early as stage one.”

— Ali Hazelwood

342. “Who would I even be without my burning need to correct people who say that humans use only 10 percent of their brain?”

— Ali Hazelwood

343. “But maybe I want to play with the Herschel Crater first.”

— Ali Hazelwood

344. “You seemed busy, Didn’t want to interfere.” I was replying to an urgent email.” I doubt it. I think he was writing the next great American novel.”

— Ali Hazelwood

345. “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you are not worth people’ time and effort and if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

346. “His cheek curved. “You are such a smart-ass.”

— Ali Hazelwood

347. “I wanted to stop feeling as though I were rotting in my own aimlessness, and I wanted my head to stop spinning all the time.”

— Ali Hazelwood

348. “Yeah, but there are other computational modelers in the department. And I’d like to eventually graduate, ideally without sobbing in a bathroom stall after each committee meeting.” He glared at her. Olive shrugged. “No offense. I’m a simple girl, with simple needs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

349. “I’ve long learned that engagin with basement-dwelling stemlords who come online looking for a fight is never a good idea – the last thing I want is to provide free entertainment for their fragile egos. If they want to blow off some steam, they can buy a gym membership or play third-person-shooter games. Like normal people.”

— Ali Hazelwood

350. “I leave with a promise to meet her for drinks next week when her friend Bee’s in town.”

— Ali Hazelwood