Top 450 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
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301. “She’s wearing a purple jumpsuit and heart-shaped sunglasses,, and her hair is pulled over her shoulder into a fishtail braid that reaches her ribcage. Her purse is shaped like a watermelon, and her necklace is a pink flower with the letter K in its middle. I want to be her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

302. “He is just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to do twice as much work as he ever did in order to prove that she’s worthy of becoming a scientist.”

— Ali Hazelwood

303. “Ssh.” His arm slid around her waist, his hand coming to rest on her hip in a gesture that should have been unpleasant but just felt reassuring. His voice was low when he added, “It’s fine.” The words vibrated in her ear, rich and warm. “More material for my Title IX complaint.”

— Ali Hazelwood

304. “Maybe spending so many years alone had warped her in some fundamental way and that was why she seemed to be unable to develop a true romantic connection, or even the type of attraction she often heard others talk about.”

— Ali Hazelwood

305. “Reike’s all about seeing new places and making new memories, but to me, if you constantly go after new things, there’s never enough of anything.”

— Ali Hazelwood

306. “There was a smooth charm to him. He was young to be a professor, though not as young as Adam. And he was tall, though not as tall as Adam. And he was handsome, though... yeah. Not as handsome as Adam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

307. “I promise I won’t reply with unsolicited nudes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

308. “My eyes sting. I bite my lip to keep the tears at bay, but my stupid body betrays me once again and I’m crying, I’m crying in front of him, and I hate him. I’m not mad at him – I hate him. For the way he’s treated me. For having the solid career I don’t. For concealing the politics of this damn septic tank of a project. I hate him, hate him, hate him, with a passion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

309. “Hell, she’d probably be busy booking a full-blown psychiatric evaluation for Anh.”

— Ali Hazelwood

310. “It doesn’t matter what it says. It’s always one bed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

311. “I find that people like me better if they don’t have to expend emotional energy on me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

312. “She was not a short woman, but he was just big.”

— Ali Hazelwood

313. “They should just give him a cot and donate the money to worthy causes. Endangered whales. Psoriasis. Olive.”

— Ali Hazelwood

314. “An old woman and a newborn calf. Wretched little me, still containing multitudes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

315. “An empty canvas to paint on. A mirror, reflecting only what others care to project. A bolt of fabric that can be custom tailored to.”

— Ali Hazelwood

316. “He always seemed like such a man’s man, after all. Different from the boys that surrounded me. Serious, disciplined, a little broody. Intense and gifted. Alpha, whatever that even means.”

— Ali Hazelwood

317. “There is no other neuroscientist I’d want to do this project with. Not a single one.”

— Ali Hazelwood

318. “I think I have found a set of biomarkers. Not from tissue biopsy – blood biomarkers. Noninvasive, easy to obtain. Cheap. In mice they can detect pancreatic cancer as early as stage one.”

— Ali Hazelwood

319. “He gives me a confused, curious look. Like he knows that I’m complicated, but he doesn’t mind. Like he’d rather spend the rest of his life studying an inch of me than discovering the mysteries behind the universe.”

— Ali Hazelwood

320. “Who would I even be without my burning need to correct people who say that humans use only 10 percent of their brain?”

— Ali Hazelwood

321. “You seemed busy, Didn’t want to interfere.” I was replying to an urgent email.” I doubt it. I think he was writing the next great American novel.”

— Ali Hazelwood

322. “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you are not worth people’ time and effort and if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

323. “His cheek curved. “You are such a smart-ass.”

— Ali Hazelwood

324. “I wanted to stop feeling as though I were rotting in my own aimlessness, and I wanted my head to stop spinning all the time.”

— Ali Hazelwood

325. “Yeah, but there are other computational modelers in the department. And I’d like to eventually graduate, ideally without sobbing in a bathroom stall after each committee meeting.” He glared at her. Olive shrugged. “No offense. I’m a simple girl, with simple needs.”

— Ali Hazelwood

326. “I’ve long learned that engagin with basement-dwelling stemlords who come online looking for a fight is never a good idea – the last thing I want is to provide free entertainment for their fragile egos. If they want to blow off some steam, they can buy a gym membership or play third-person-shooter games. Like normal people.”

— Ali Hazelwood

327. “A pause. “You are a brilliant engineer who knows the Premier League stats of the past three decades off the top of your head. Physically, you are the uncanny combination of every single feature I’ve ever found attractive – no, I will not expand on that. And you saved me on your phone as Corporate Thor, even after I gave you my full name.”

— Ali Hazelwood

328. “I leave with a promise to meet her for drinks next week when her friend Bee’s in town.”

— Ali Hazelwood

329. “I had a vision of your future in academia.” Olive wrapped her arms around Anh. “What vision?” “You were a high-powered researcher, surrounded by students who hung on your every word. And you were answering a multiparagraph email with an uncapitalized no.” “Nice. Was I happy?” “Of course not.” Anh snorted. “It’s academia.”

— Ali Hazelwood

330. “What you have now, it will have to be enough.”

— Ali Hazelwood

331. “I know Levi is supposed to be my point of contact, but he’s currently sitting on three unanswered emails. I’m not sure how to get him to reply. Use Comic Sans? Write in primary colors?”

— Ali Hazelwood

332. “Like global warming and capitalism had a love child who’s going through a bodybuilding phase.”

— Ali Hazelwood

333. “Cat jumps on the island. He gingerly sidesteps our mugs and with a curious expression sniffs Erik’s croissant. “Oh, buddy, no,” Erik whispers. “You don’t want to do that.” Cat takes a delicate lick. Then he turns to me to stare with a horrified, betrayed expression.”

— Ali Hazelwood

334. “I marvel that I was given credit for my idea. Goes to show how low the bar is for cis dudes in STEM, doesn’t it?”

— Ali Hazelwood

335. “Hey, he’s my cousin-or-something.” Sadie pats her on the shoulder. “It’s the or something that gets me every time. You can really feel the unbreakable family ties.”

— Ali Hazelwood

336. “So if Carlsen is secretly an extraterrestrial life-form planning a takeover of Earth that will ultimately result in humanity being enslaved by evil overlords who look like cicadas, and the only way to stop him is dating him, you can tell me and I’ll inform NASA –.”

— Ali Hazelwood

337. “And then a girl with curly dark hair and a pretty, round face plopped in the chair next to hers and muttered, “So much for the STEM programs’ commitment to inclusivity, am I right?” That was the moment everything changed.”

— Ali Hazelwood

338. “Did you know that conservatives tend to have larger amygdalae than liberals? That taxi drivers’ hippocampi grow bigger as they memorize how to navigate London? That brain differences predict variations in personality?”

— Ali Hazelwood

339. “They aren’t bad people, but I doubt they wanted a kid, and I know for sure that they weren’t fans of whatever changes my arrival brought to their lifestyle. Probably the reason they were never huge fans. We talk maybe once or twice a year now – and I’m always the one who calls. Oh well.”

— Ali Hazelwood

340. “Kill the people who made you cry.”

— Ali Hazelwood

341. “It had been one of her mother’s favorite stories. And now Olive was the only person who could tell it. It lived in her, and no one else.”

— Ali Hazelwood

342. “I didn’t know you two talked,” Monica says, looking skeptically between us. “I learned a few years ago,” Jack tells her calmly, staring only at me. She’s little more than a fly buzzing around us. “And Elsie’s in the process of mastering the art of speaking for herself.”

— Ali Hazelwood

343. “Tom had made his decision. Her destiny was going to be defined by the next few minutes.”

— Ali Hazelwood

344. “The Guy in the bathroom. He’d said that academia was a lot of bucks for little bang, and that one needed a good reason to stick around. Olive wondered where he was now.”

— Ali Hazelwood

345. “And I could stand here, stare at my closet, and agonize over the fact that my grad school nemesis saved my life. Or I could bask in my excitement and pick an outfit.”

— Ali Hazelwood

346. “You could be my entire world,” he whispers in my ear before moving to my collarbone. “If you let me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

347. “Could he be one of those people who are hyperconfident in professional settings and the total opposite in their social lives? Nah. Unlikely.”

— Ali Hazelwood

348. “Goodbye, Elsie.” After a beat, he adds, “It was a pleasure.”

— Ali Hazelwood

349. “The PR stuff, mostly. Write grants and convince people to fund my research. Network, which is a special kind of hell. Public speaking, or even one-on-one situations where I have to impress people. That’s the worst, actually. I hate it so much – my head explodes and I freeze and everyone is looking at me ready to judge me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

350. “She had a sense that he really meant it. That she could have talked about her mom for however long she liked, and he would have listened intently to every second of it. She wasn’t sure she was ready for it, though.”

— Ali Hazelwood