Top 500 Ali Hazelwood Quotes (2026 Update)
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101. “Why does Tim look terrified?” He gives me an innocent look. “He does?” “Levi. What did you say to him?”

— Ali Hazelwood

102. “I need a new nervous habit. Nail biting. Fidget spinners. I’ve heard great things about crystal meth.”

— Ali Hazelwood

103. “You can introduce me to the hamster.” “Guinea pig.” “Pretty sure they’re the same thing.”

— Ali Hazelwood

104. “Having kids was the worst mistake of my life.” Her eldest son was standing right next to her.”

— Ali Hazelwood

105. “Wouldn’t it be a problem that you’re faculty and I’m a graduate student?” He tilted his head, going serious. “It wouldn’t look great, but I don’t think so, no. Since I have no authority whatsoever over you and am not involved in your supervision. But I can ask around.”

— Ali Hazelwood

106. “I want you to marry me tomorrow so you can go on my health insurance.”

— Ali Hazelwood

107. “My job is to form rigorous researchers who won’t publish useless or harmful crap that will set back our field. Academia is cluttered with terrible science and mediocre scientists. I couldn’t care less about how your friends perceive me, as long as their work is up to standard. If they want to drop out when told that it’s not, then so be it. Not everyone has what it takes to be a scientist, and those who don’t should be weeded out.”

— Ali Hazelwood

108. “I can’t believe you commented ‘delete your account.’ It’s cyberbullying, Liam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

109. “Be gentle with me, Elsie. That’s all I ask.”

— Ali Hazelwood

110. “Because I’m afraid that if I hurt them with the truth, then they’ll leave me.”

— Ali Hazelwood

111. “I’m a cave troll. I’m so unpleasant to be around, I make him clumsy. The sheer power I hold.”

— Ali Hazelwood

112. “Before, I’d never really tried.”

— Ali Hazelwood

113. “If my feelings for you haven’t changed after reading that Bella and Alice alphaverse fan fiction, I’m pretty sure we’re golden.” “It’s called omegaverse – and you said it was good!” “I said it was hot,” he corrects me. The blue slice darkens. “Actually, you should read it to me again. Now.”

— Ali Hazelwood

114. “Levi cups my face, forehead touching mine. His hands – they are my home. “Bee. Don’t take this from us,” he murmurs. Ragged. Careful. Hopeful. “Please.” I’ve never wanted anything more than to say yes. I’ve never wished to reach for something as I do now. And I’ve never been so utterly, petrifyingly scared to lose something.”

— Ali Hazelwood

115. “How much do you hate this, on a scale from one to ‘correlation equals causation’?”

— Ali Hazelwood

116. “Probabilmente gli piaceva qualcosa di tremendo, come fare i dispetti alle mucche oppure i combattimenti tra coleotteri giapponesi.”

— Ali Hazelwood

117. “Dignity is overrated.”

— Ali Hazelwood

118. “You are not mediocre, Olive. You were not invited to speak because people think that you are my girlfriend – there is no such thing, since SBD’s abstracts go through a blind review process. I would know, because I’ve been roped into reviewing them in the past. And the work you presented is important, rigorous and brilliant.” He took a deep breath. His shoulders rose and fell in time with the thudding of her heart. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

119. “Because he had powerful friends in high places, and we thought no one would believe us. Because he could make or break careers. Because we felt that there was no real system in place to ask for help.”

— Ali Hazelwood

120. “It never occurred to Olive that Dr. Adam Carlsen – known ass – had called her by her name.”

— Ali Hazelwood

121. “Adam: Think I can smuggle this on the plane? She didn’t need to be told that she was grinning at her phone like an idiot. Olive: Well, TSA is notoriously incompetent. Olive: Though maybe not that incompetent? Adam: Too bad. Adam: Wish you were here, then.”

— Ali Hazelwood

122. “And then I’ll come find you, and I’ll take care of you.” – Adam.”

— Ali Hazelwood

123. “Olive.” He pulled her closer, pressing his lips against her forehead. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever it is that you’re crying about, I will fix it. I will make it right. I-.”

— Ali Hazelwood

124. “You lie, Elsie. Every single one of your interactions is a lie.” He crosses his arms and looms. We’re supposed to be on a tour of the department. I feel like he’s taking a tour of me. “Is this what you do with Greg, too? You code-switch a conjured, nonexistent persona he fell in love with?”

— Ali Hazelwood

125. “Thank you, Oh Penised Overlords, for the recognition I deserve.”

— Ali Hazelwood

126. “See, that’s the thing I hate the most about adulting: at some point, one has to start doing it.”

— Ali Hazelwood

127. “And you shouldn’t have to lie about your relationship status,” he continued. “Especially not so that your friend and your boyfriend can get together guilt-free. That’s not how friendship works, last I checked.”

— Ali Hazelwood

128. “It is unfair that most of the physicists who win Nobel Prizes or become household names are theorists. Newton. Einstein. Feynman. Kaku. Sheldon Cooper got the seven-season spin-off show, but Leonard? Nothing.”

— Ali Hazelwood

129. “The line of his jaw, so sharp it could cut a heart.”

— Ali Hazelwood

130. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry, okay?”

— Ali Hazelwood

131. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a community of women trying to mind their own business must be in want of a random man’s opinion.”

— Ali Hazelwood

132. “I am catastrophically, ruinously in love with you.”

— Ali Hazelwood

133. “I love her nagging us because we have only vegan food in the house and she’s “sick of competing with the cats for a meager slice of chicken breast!”

— Ali Hazelwood

134. “It wasn’t until a few minutes later, when she was sitting on her bed staring at the Boston skyline and chewing on her lunch, that Olive realized that the protein bar Adam had given her was covered in chocolate.”

— Ali Hazelwood

135. “Academia takes alot from you a gives back very little. It’s hard to stick around without a good reason to do so.”

— Ali Hazelwood

136. “Nuh-uh. This is a Hallmark movie. Or a poorly written young adult novel. That will not sell well. Olive, tell Malcolm to keep his day job, he’ll never make it as a writer.”

— Ali Hazelwood

137. “This war of ours, the one between the Vampyres and the Weres, began several centuries ago with brutal escalations of violence, culminated amid flowing torrents of varicolored blood, and ended in a whimper of buttercream cake on the day I met my husband for the first time. Which, as it happens, was also the day of our wedding.”

— Ali Hazelwood

138. “She wished she could expire on the spot.”

— Ali Hazelwood

139. “Science. Science is where it’s at.”

— Ali Hazelwood

140. “He’s a way better person than I’ll ever be.”

— Ali Hazelwood

141. “Sadie, I know you like this guy a lot. I know that if he does decide that he doesn’t want you in his life it’s going to hurt, and that you’re tempted to preemptively pull back to protect yourself. But if you don’t at least give him a chance to choose you, you’ll lose him for sure.”

— Ali Hazelwood

142. “Bee has a useless parasympathetic nervous system, which is an endless source of entertainment,” Levi explains to Penny. “Excuse me.” I scowl. “Some of us don’t have the luxury of stable blood pressure.” “I didn’t say it wasn’t cute,” he murmurs inaudibly against my temple. The scratch of his stubble against my skin is rough. His lips, soft. Penny seems to be a fan, too. “Does your twin faint, too?” “Nope. She got all the best things.”

— Ali Hazelwood

143. “I love you, I think, and you are my home.”

— Ali Hazelwood

144. “Is he blackmailing you? Did he find out that you’re an aberration and pee in the shower?”

— Ali Hazelwood

145. “It sounds sketchy. Like he’s trying to lure me to a secondary location to traffic me to people who’ll harvest my femurs to make handles for badminton racquets.”

— Ali Hazelwood

146. “Men were a mistake,” Sadie says. “Big mistake,” Hannah adds. “Huge.”

— Ali Hazelwood

147. “Do you know what’s reliable instead? What never, ever abandoned Dr. Curie in all her years? Her curiosity. Her discoveries. Her accomplishments. Science. Science is where it’s at.”

— Ali Hazelwood

148. “I’m okay with being told ridiculous things: I’m a good girl, I’m perfect, I’ve been driving him insane, when he first saw me I changed the chemistry of his brain.”

— Ali Hazelwood

149. “But as much as he dislikes you, it’s hard to believe that he’s sabotaging you. That level of hatred requires so much effort and motivation and commitment, it’s basically love.”

— Ali Hazelwood

150. “There was something about the way he talked. Maybe it was an accent maybe just the quality of his voice. Olive doesn’t quite know what, but it was there, in the way he said her name. Precise. Careful. Deep. Unlike anyone else. Familiar-impossibly so.”

— Ali Hazelwood