Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2024 Update)
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451. “But they never used large RTGs on manned missions until the Ares Program. Why not? It should be pretty damned obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

452. “Well, it is a photo taken from orbit,” Mindy said. “The NSA enhanced the image with the best software they have.” “Wait, what?” Venkat stammered. “The NSA?” “Yeah, they called and offered to help out.”

— Andy Weir

453. “But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I’ll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!”

— Andy Weir

454. “The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had “LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG” written on it.”

— Andy Weir

455. “I got bounced around a lot, but I’m a well-honed machine in times of crisis. As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That’s the kind of action hero I am.”

— Andy Weir

456. “Now on to my next task: sitting around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!”

— Andy Weir

457. “I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. Stop laughing.”

— Andy Weir

458. “The area around the MAV looks like the set of Sanford and Son. I learned about Sanford and Son from Lewis’s collection. Seriously, that woman needs to see someone about her seventies problem.”

— Andy Weir

459. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a woman. Just sayin.”

— Andy Weir

460. “Armstrong Bubble sits in the middle, surrounded by Aldrin, Conrad, Bean, and Shepard.”

— Andy Weir

461. “YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.”

— Andy Weir

462. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

463. “So they don’t know we can help them,” Guo Ming said. “If we decide not to help, no one will know we could have.”

— Andy Weir

464. “It just has to last long enough for me to get to safety. And where will that “safety” be? Not a damn clue.”

— Andy Weir

465. “If we do this,” Vogel said, “it would be over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return.”

— Andy Weir

466. “But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the King of Mars.”

— Andy Weir

467. “There’s never been a pressure loss in Artemis’s history.”

— Andy Weir

468. “And yeah, its hands look like Rocky’s hands, broadly speaking. Three fingers. About the same size as Rocky’s hands. Probably controlled with a Nintendo Power Glove kind of thing inside the ship. Man, I’m old.”

— Andy Weir

469. “If the RTG ever broke open, it would kill me to death.”

— Andy Weir

470. “But, you know, other than that edge case, there’s no reason.”

— Andy Weir

471. “Hurray for standardized valve systems!”

— Andy Weir

472. “It’s a good thing those numbers were right. If they hadn’t been, there would have been some serious scrambling when the orbital insertion went wrong. Maybe even some dying.”

— Andy Weir

473. “Nobody at NASA thought, “Hey, let’s allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead!”

— Andy Weir

474. “I was approximately as critical as toilet paper.”

— Andy Weir

475. “But I did wake up, and the main computer showed the slight rise in CO2 I had predicted. Looks like I’ll live another sol. Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.”

— Andy Weir

476. “They lay in silence, strapped to their couches and ready for launch. Beck looked at Watney’s empty couch and saw Vogel doing the same. Martinez ran a self-check on the nose cone OMS thrusters. They were no longer safe for use. He noted the malfunction in his log.”

— Andy Weir

477. “Well, I didn’t die.”

— Andy Weir

478. “It’ll keep you from puking all over our nice, clean cockpit.”

— Andy Weir

479. “I envy one thing about Earthers – they get much faster internet.”

— Andy Weir

480. “Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape.”

— Andy Weir

481. “Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.”

— Andy Weir

482. “It’s the kids of today that’ll have to make the world of tomorrow work.”

— Andy Weir

483. “One of my favorite experiments with the kids is to have them look at a drop of water. A drop of water, preferably one from a puddle outside, will be swarming with life. It always goes over well, except for the occasional kid who then refuses to drink water for a while.”

— Andy Weir

484. “Vogel,” she radioed. “I need you to come back in and make a bomb.” “Um. Again, please, Commander?” Vogel replied. “A bomb,” Lewis confirmed. “You’re a chemist. Can you make a bomb out of stuff on board?”

— Andy Weir

485. “I mean, come on!” Morris said. “What are the odds?” Chuck turned to him. “One in three, based on empirical data. That’s pretty bad if you think about it.”

— Andy Weir

486. “Space is dangerous,” Mitch snapped. “It’s what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. And by the way, it’s not even your life you’re risking. The crew can make up their own minds about it.”

— Andy Weir

487. “But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up. So I brought them all in.”

— Andy Weir

488. “Modifying an alien life-form. What could possibly go wrong?”

— Andy Weir

489. “I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That’s my name for “hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it.”

— Andy Weir

490. “It’s only one-sixth Earth’s gravity. Walking doesn’t take much energy.”

— Andy Weir

491. “I think I can work this out.”

— Andy Weir

492. “All the Ares missions use Hermes to get to and from Mars. It’s really big and cost a lot so NASA only built one.”

— Andy Weir

493. “Life is amazingly tenacious. They don’t want to die any more than I do.”

— Andy Weir

494. “This is happy! Your face opening is in sad mode. Why, question?”

— Andy Weir

495. “I admit it’s fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I’d get to fly around like Iron Man.”

— Andy Weir

496. “Why does ‘Elrond’ mean ‘secret meeting’?” Annie asked. “Are we going to make a momentous decision?” Bruge Ng asked. “Exactly,” Venkat said. “How did you know that?” Annie asked, getting annoyed. “Elrond,” Bruce said. “The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It’s the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.” “Jesus,” Annie said. “None of you got laid in high school, did you?”

— Andy Weir

497. “Everyone would die but me,” she said. “They’d all take pills and die. They’ll do it right away so they don’t use up any food. Commander Lewis picked me to be the survivor. She told me about it yesterday. I don’t think NASA knows about it.”

— Andy Weir

498. “It was great! Straight-A student. Hanging around nerdy guys too scared to try anything. No wild side at all. You were every father’s dream daughter.” “Thanks, Dad, I – ” “But then you got on a giant bomb that blasted you to Mars. And I mean that literally.”

— Andy Weir

499. “They say hunger is the greatest seasoning. When you’re starving, your brain rewards you handsomely for finally eating. Good job, it says, we get to not die for a while!”

— Andy Weir

500. “There’ll be a lot of H2O at the end, but I’ll be too dead to appreciate it.”

— Andy Weir