Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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451. “For some reason, a high concentration of O2 will kill most headaches. Don’t know why. Don’t care. The important thing is I don’t have to suffer.”

— Andy Weir

452. “Hartnell’s was for drinking. And you could get any drink you wanted, as long as it was beer.”

— Andy Weir

453. “He hadn’t expected a woman to recommend hookers. Earthers tend to be uptight on that topic, and I’ve never understood why. It’s a service performed for a payment. What’s the big deal?”

— Andy Weir

454. “Three days off the painkillers and I’m a lot smarter than I was. At least he understands that much – I wasn’t just some stupid human. I was a human with enhanced stupidity.”

— Andy Weir

455. “I already knew that, of course. But there’s a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it.”

— Andy Weir

456. “So lab-coated geeks got together and decided Mars’s elevation zero is wherever the air pressure is 610.5 pascals.”

— Andy Weir

457. “Why would New Zealand pay a bunch of money to help Africa?” I asked. “Because we’re nice,” Redell said.”

— Andy Weir

458. “But they never used large RTGs on manned missions until the Ares Program. Why not? It should be pretty damned obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

459. “Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.”

— Andy Weir

460. “When flint strikes steel, it knocks microscopic flecks of metal into the air. The metal burns because of some complicated crap related to surface area and oxidization rates. Basically, it rusts so fast that the reaction heat makes fire.”

— Andy Weir

461. “Have you ever taken the wrong freeway entrance? You just need to drive to the next exit to turn around, but you hate every inch of travel because you’re going away from your goal.”

— Andy Weir

462. “You may wonder why I’m not in the Hab right now. Because I fled in terror, that’s why! And I’m not sure what the hell to do next.”

— Andy Weir

463. “If you think turbulence is rough in a jetliner going 720 kph, just imagine what it’s like at 28,000 kph.”

— Andy Weir

464. “Blissfull unconsiousness became foggy awareness which transitioned into painful reality.”

— Andy Weir

465. “She looked to the ceiling. “Between their financial base and physical enforcers, they’ll own the city. Think Chicago in the 1920s, but a hundred times worse. I’ll be powerless.”

— Andy Weir

466. “Important note: Do not pee in a graywater-reuse shower.”

— Andy Weir

467. “If I ever return to Earth, I’m going to buy a nice little home in Western Australia. Because Western Australia is on the opposite side of Earth from Idaho.”

— Andy Weir

468. “Watney snorted in their direction. Then he closed his eyes and felt the sun on his face. It was a nice, boring afternoon.”

— Andy Weir

469. “It’s the same one I used to power the drill that destroyed Pathfinder. I call it my “lucky cable.”

— Andy Weir

470. “Ready for depress?” Dale asked via the radio. “Pretty depressed, yeah,” I said. “Don’t joke around. Not with airlock procedures.” “Sheesh, you really suck the air out of the room, you know that?” “Jazz!”

— Andy Weir

471. “I can’t blame it. Its whole purpose is to prevent the atmosphere from becoming lethal. Nobody at NASA thought, “Hey, let’s allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead!”

— Andy Weir

472. “Even a small static discharge would have led to my own private Hindenburg.”

— Andy Weir

473. “Now I’m in a rougher neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood where you keep your rover doors locked and never come to a complete stop at intersections.”

— Andy Weir

474. “As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That’s the kind of action hero I am.”

— Andy Weir

475. “But I would have gotten away with it.”

— Andy Weir

476. “It’s the kids of today that’ll have to make the world of tomorrow work.”

— Andy Weir

477. “Well, that concept is critical to the “Mark Watney doesn’t die” project.”

— Andy Weir

478. “Got to love computers. They do all the thinking for you so you don’t have to.”

— Andy Weir

479. “Then he knelt on one knee and fist-pumped repeatedly.”

— Andy Weir

480. “There are probably a thousand things that led to them being sapient and stuff.”

— Andy Weir

481. “I panted in my suit and suppressed the urge to puke. That was way the hell more exertion than I’m built for. An oxygen-deprivation headache took root. It’d be with me for a few hours, at least. I’d managed to get altitude sickness on the moon.”

— Andy Weir

482. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.”

— Andy Weir

483. “Also, I’ll lose half a liter of water per day to breathing until the humidity in the Hab reaches its maximum and water starts condensing on every surface. Then I’ll be licking the walls. Yay.”

— Andy Weir

484. “Also, I need to make an outdoor shed for the potatoes. I can’t just pile them up outside. The next major storm would cause the Great Martian Potato Migration.”

— Andy Weir

485. “Very good. Most would not know that.” “I teach junior high school science,” I said. “These things come up.”

— Andy Weir

486. “I’m Canadian, by the way. But don’t worry! I’m not one of those anti-American Canadians. I think you guys are alright.”

— Andy Weir

487. “Well, it is a photo taken from orbit,” Mindy said. “The NSA enhanced the image with the best software they have.” “Wait, what?” Venkat stammered. “The NSA?” “Yeah, they called and offered to help out.”

— Andy Weir

488. “The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had “LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG” written on it.”

— Andy Weir

489. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a woman. Just sayin.”

— Andy Weir

490. “YOU believe in God, Venkat?” Mitch asked. “Sure, lots of ’em,” Venkat said. “I’m Hindu.”

— Andy Weir

491. “So they don’t know we can help them,” Guo Ming said. “If we decide not to help, no one will know we could have.”

— Andy Weir

492. “But, you know, other than that edge case, there’s no reason.”

— Andy Weir

493. “So far, I think it’s been working. But who knows? I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

494. “I figure if there’s a God, He won’t mind, considering the situation I’m in.”

— Andy Weir

495. “I work out my location when I’m parked, and account for it in the next day’s travel. It’s kind of a successive approximation thing. So far, I think it’s been working. But who knows? I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus.”

— Andy Weir

496. “It didn’t budge. Of course it didn’t. The rover was at lower pressure.”

— Andy Weir

497. “Folks,” he said, “this is going to be the most ‘ghetto’ spacecraft ever built. There.”

— Andy Weir

498. “They’re mammals! Makes no sense.”

— Andy Weir

499. “The Russian spoke for the first time. “Actually, my friend, we do.”

— Andy Weir

500. “There’s nothing better than knowing you’re going to outwit the reader.”

— Andy Weir