Top 500 Andy Weir Quotes (2026 Update)
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451. “It’ll keep you from puking all over our nice, clean cockpit.”

— Andy Weir

452. “My cart is a pain in the ass to control, but it’s good at carrying heavy things. So I decided it was male. I named him Trigger.”

— Andy Weir

453. “That’s really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove.”

— Andy Weir

454. “I might have been on the run for my life, but I wasn’t willing to go without e-mail.”

— Andy Weir

455. “Social discomfort,” he says. “No talk.”

— Andy Weir

456. “Call me crazy, but I didn’t want the drill explosively launched at my face.”

— Andy Weir

457. “Well,” he said. “It was funded by New Zealand. But the idea was to provide power for Africa.” “Why would New Zealand pay a bunch of money to help Africa?” I asked. “Because we’re nice,” Redell said. “Wow,” I said. “I know New Zealand is pretty cool but – ” “And it was going to be a New Zealand–owned company that charged for the power,” Redell said. “There it is.”

— Andy Weir

458. “Why would New Zealand pay a bunch of money to help Africa?” I asked. “Because we’re nice,” Redell said.”

— Andy Weir

459. “But they never used large RTGs on manned missions until the Ares Program. Why not? It should be pretty damned obvious why not! They didn’t want to put astronauts next to a glowing hot ball of radioactive death!”

— Andy Weir

460. “I had this bad habit of checking my bank account every day, as if compulsively looking at it would make it grow.”

— Andy Weir

461. “I’ll give you a million slugs.” “Deal.”

— Andy Weir

462. “If you think turbulence is rough in a jetliner going 720 kph, just imagine what it’s like at 28,000 kph.”

— Andy Weir

463. “He waves to me with a free arm. He knows one human greeting and by golly he plans to use it.”

— Andy Weir

464. “Also, please tell them that each and every one of their mothers is a prostitute. – Watney PS: Their sisters, too.”

— Andy Weir

465. “I thought I was far enough from the explosion but no, not even close. Chunks of twisted metal bashed my boulder while smaller bits of wreckage rained from above. “Oh, right,” I said. I’d forgotten to account for the other explosive in there: the hydrogen fuel-cell battery. All that hydrogen had met the oxygen at high temperature and they’d had a brief chat.”

— Andy Weir

466. “Carefully reaching to the side of my helmet, I got the.”

— Andy Weir

467. “Watney snorted in their direction. Then he closed his eyes and felt the sun on his face. It was a nice, boring afternoon.”

— Andy Weir

468. “At least it’s not the middle one that’s pointed up.”

— Andy Weir

469. “A clumsy, awkward success is still a success.”

— Andy Weir

470. “It’s awesome to have a bunch of dipshits on Earth telling me, a botanist, how to grow plants.”

— Andy Weir

471. “When flint strikes steel, it knocks microscopic flecks of metal into the air. The metal burns because of some complicated crap related to surface area and oxidization rates. Basically, it rusts so fast that the reaction heat makes fire.”

— Andy Weir

472. “There’ll be a lot of H2O at the end, but I’ll be too dead to appreciate it.”

— Andy Weir

473. “But I would have gotten away with it.”

— Andy Weir

474. “I’ll give my dad credit; he never claimed it was to build character or teach me the value of hard work. “Snowblowers are expensive,” he used to say. “You’re free.”

— Andy Weir

475. “Ready for depress?′ Dale asked via the radio. ‘Pretty depressed, yeah,’ I said.”

— Andy Weir

476. “It’s obvious now, in retrospect. But it never occurred to me that some of the hydrogen just wouldn’t burn. It got past the flame, and went on its merry way. Damn it, Jim, I’m a botanist, not a chemist!”

— Andy Weir

477. “After setting up the solar panels today, I went for a little walk. I never left sight of the rover; the last thing I want to do is get lost on foot. But I couldn’t stomach crawling back into that cramped, smelly rat’s nest. Not right away. It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years!”

— Andy Weir

478. “Will you stop whining about your problems during my murder?!”

— Andy Weir

479. “And the American people may be sentimental, but their government is not. The US State Department won’t trade anything major for one man’s life.”

— Andy Weir

480. “Very good. Most would not know that.” “I teach junior high school science,” I said. “These things come up.”

— Andy Weir

481. “I’m Canadian, by the way. But don’t worry! I’m not one of those anti-American Canadians. I think you guys are alright.”

— Andy Weir

482. “I’m on a suicide mission. John, Paul, George, and Ringo get to go home, but my long and winding road ends here. I must have known all this when I volunteered. But to my amnesia-riddled brain this is new information. I’m going to die out here. And I’m going to die alone.”

— Andy Weir

483. “Blissfull unconsiousness became foggy awareness which transitioned into painful reality.”

— Andy Weir

484. “Then came the digging. Oh God, the digging.”

— Andy Weir

485. “I mean, come on!” Morris said. “What are the odds?” Chuck turned to him. “One in three, based on empirical data. That’s pretty bad if you think about it.”

— Andy Weir

486. “La gente ha estado usando detritos humanos como fertilizante durante siglos.”

— Andy Weir

487. “But, you know, other than that edge case, there’s no reason.”

— Andy Weir

488. “It’s the same one I used to power the drill that destroyed Pathfinder. I call it my “lucky cable.”

— Andy Weir

489. “Hartnell’s was for drinking. And you could get any drink you wanted, as long as it was beer.”

— Andy Weir

490. “He hadn’t expected a woman to recommend hookers. Earthers tend to be uptight on that topic, and I’ve never understood why. It’s a service performed for a payment. What’s the big deal?”

— Andy Weir

491. “They’re mammals! Makes no sense.”

— Andy Weir

492. “The Russian spoke for the first time. “Actually, my friend, we do.”

— Andy Weir

493. “I’d have to do the math to know for sure but – I can’t help it, I want to do the math right now.”

— Andy Weir

494. “Then he knelt on one knee and fist-pumped repeatedly.”

— Andy Weir

495. “Have you ever taken the wrong freeway entrance? You just need to drive to the next exit to turn around, but you hate every inch of travel because you’re going away from your goal.”

— Andy Weir

496. “Jesus, what a complicated process,” Venkat said. “Try updating a Linux server sometime,” Jack said.”

— Andy Weir

497. “Well, I didn’t die.”

— Andy Weir

498. “25 kph, the rover’s top speed.”

— Andy Weir

499. “Yeah, I definitely pulled something in my back. I woke up in agony. So I took a break from rover planning. Instead, I spent the day taking drugs and playing with radiation.”

— Andy Weir

500. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a woman. Just sayin.”

— Andy Weir